Colour of Night
by K.C.Dragonfly
Summary: Catherine is lost and pining for Sara, but things are not about to get any easier for her as her family and work life spiral out of control
1. Blue

**New week, new story :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, Color of Night (film) or any of the characters**

**After a brief hiatus, I am back on Cara fics :) This one may be a bit hard going for both Catherine and Sara at times but have faith in me ... **

**x x x x**

"I haven't been handling things too well lately. For a while actually. It's like everything's spiralling out of control and I don't know what to do to stop it.

My friends are all so busy; I don't know how I could begin to talk to them. _I_ don't even know what's bothering me so how can I explain it to them?

I tried talking to my family, but to be honest they're part of the problem:

X x x

"_Lindsey, dinner's ready." She hollered up the stairs. "I won't tell you again." _

"_She's still upset with you." Lily commented dryly from the kitchen. _

"_Thanks for the update." Cath rolled her eyes. "Lindsey!" _

"_Yelling at her isn't going to help." Her mother tutted. _

"_Mom, please just …" whatever she was going to say died on her lips as the sound of someone deliberately crashing down the stairs cut her off. The young teenager stalked into the kitchen and threw herself into a chair. She glowered sullenly at Catherine as the CSI placed a plate in front of her and attempted to stroke her hair. _

"_I don't want it." She pouted, shoving it away. _

"_Linds." Cath rolled her eyes, dropping her hand and taking a seat between her mother and her daughter. _

"_I don't want it!" Lindsey snapped, pushing her chair away from the table. _

"_Hey, Lindsey!" Catherine jumped, instinctively reaching out to grab her wrist like she would have done when she was a child. _

"_No!" The young blonde pulled away violently. "You can't make me." With that she turned and ran back upstairs. They tracked her stomped footsteps across the landing, culminating in a loud slam. _

"_What the hell now?" Cath sighed, dropping her head into her hands. _

"_I told you, she's still upset with you for missing her dance rehearsal." Lily commented, taking Lindsey's plate and putting it in the oven to keep warm, on the off chance that hunger won over her stubbornness later. "You can't blame her." _

"_Don't start mom." Catherine pleaded weakly. _

"_You can't keep putting your work first, Catherine." Lily chastised. Cath pushed herself away from the table, in much the same fashion her daughter had, and stalked towards the door. "I'm just saying, she's not going to be this age forever." _

_Catherine stopped in the threshold and spun on her heel, glaring at the older woman. _

"_You know what; I don't need your opinion!" She spat, stalking upstairs to find her wayward daughter._

X x x

I know she's getting older but I never expected her to become a teenager overnight!

I was difficult growing up … but that's what's scaring me. I was difficult because I was always hiding something. I'm worried that she doesn't think she can talk to me. Although I wouldn't blame her to be honest; mom's right, I spend that much time at work that I barely ever see her. And when I do I don't have the time or energy to do anything with her.

Although recently I've been thinking … I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this job.

X x x

_She knew he was staring at her without even having to look up; she could feel his blue eyes burning into her skin, like he was trying to see inside her. _

"_So, Mr Barlow..." Catherine began professionally, purposefully shuffling her notes in order to avoid his gaze for as long as possible. _

"_John." He said, his voice laced with slime; it made Catherine's skin crawl. She cleared her throat and continued as if he hadn't spoken, finally looking up. _

"_Mr Barlow." She saw the flick of discontent flash through his eyes and was suddenly very glad for Grissom and Brass behind the mirror. "Why don't you tell me what happened?" He sat forward, leaning across the table. He was suddenly so close that she could smell his breath and see the green flecks in his eyes. _

"_I have a better idea." He smarmed. "Why don't you tell me what you think happened?" An officer placed a firm hand on his shoulder and yanked him back non-to-softly. Cath flicked her eyes up to his, offering silent thanks. Taking a deep calming breath, Catherine rifled through her paperwork and finally produced a photograph of the victim. _

"_Recognise her?" She asked coldly, tossing it in front of him. His lips spread into a smirk and he offered an unconcerned shrug. _

"_Never seen her before." _

"_Well maybe you remember her better like that." Catherine tossed a second photo before him, this time showing the mangled remains of the young woman's body. _

X x x

She had been so young. Barely out of her teens; a pretty brunette with a nice smile. Unfortunately that's what John Barlow looked for in his victims. I don't know; I guess something about this girl and the killer struck a nerve.

I love my work and I love my team. I just don't know if I can do this forever. Everything's getting to be too much of late.

And then there's Sara." She released a dry laugh, shaking her head in tired exasperation as if that summed it up.

Doctor Bill Capa sat back in his seat, eyeing his patient curiously. It was the first movement he'd made since the start of the session.

"Alright." He hummed, tapping a pen against his chin thoughtfully. "Tell me about Sara."

**x x x x**

**Let me know what you think x**


	2. Indigo

**Thank you so much for the reviews so far, I hope this doesn't disappoint**

**x x x x**

It's human nature, wanting what we can't have. We know we shouldn't, we know its wrong ... and yet we still want it.

Dr Pauline Wallin discusses this phenomenon in her book 'Taming your inner brat: a guide for transforming self-defeating behaviour'. In this – rather aptly named – book, she lists the three reasons for wanting what you can't have:

_Heightened attention_ ... well she was certainly suffering that. My God, every other thought in her head was interspersed with self-conjured images of Sara. And if that wasn't bad enough, she was damn sure that Grissom was pairing them together twice as often as usual.

_Perceived scarcity_ ... well, that was a no-brainer. Did she believe that others wanted what she wanted? Of course she did. In fact, she knew that they did. Hell, half the lab had their eye on what she wanted; to name a few:

Greg

Grissom

David

Nick

Greg

_Psychological reactance_ ... apparently people don't like being told that they can't have something, and that was certainly true of Catherine Willows. She never liked being told what she could and could not have, and right now, knowing that she couldn't have the one thing on her mind was a hard pill to swallow.

According to Dr Wallin's words, this last reason prompts two reactions: emotional (anger and petulance, in Catherine's case) and behavioural (rebellion and a bad mood, which had not gone unnoticed by the rest of her team).

She recommends that instead of pining for what you want, you should let go of your desire, and trust that you will find what you need.

Deep down Catherine knew that at least part of this was true; she should let go and save herself any more heartache. She knew this.

But it didn't make it any easier to see her every day.

X x x

The room was surprisingly dim, and smelt like old books.

The walls were an unimposing beige and bare of pictures with only one, small window beside the couch.

Her counsellor, Dr Capa, remained behind his desk at each meeting; scribbling in his notebook every time she said something revealing or probative.

She imagined that the first couple of pages were somewhat blank. She'd accepted with surprising ease that her life was spiralling out of control and that she needed help, but it took her a while to actually open up to this stranger.

It was fear, she knew that. Fear of being exposed, of being ridiculed. Fear of being vulnerable.

But once she overcame that fear, the floodgates opened and there was no going back.

X x x

Catherine sloped through the hallway with a miserable pout on her face, ignoring the looks from the caffeine-deprived lab rats that were milling about. They were the same looks she received every day. Confusion, wariness, pity.

Her face brightened, however, as soon as she entered the locker room. It was one of those rare nights when she had arrived early and there was only one other occupant in the small room.

"Hey." She greeted in an unusually high pitched voice. Sara turned, flashing her a gorgeous smile.

"Hey yourself." She parroted, buttoning up her shirt. She must have pulled a double if she was changing at work. Cath smiled to herself as she caught the briefest glimpse of Sara's pale skin before her fitted shirt closed around it, hugging her in all the right places. The blonde had to bite her lip as she attempted to shake away the images trying to creep into her mind. "How's Lindsey?" Sara asked, dragging her away from her thoughts.

"She's good."Cath nodded. She paused, not sure whether it was tempting fate. "You should come over sometime, I'm sure she'd love to see you." She asked tentatively. Sara caught her eye, sending her that melting smile again.

"Just tell me when and where." She grinned, closing her locker and waltzing out of the room. Catherine barely resisted the urge to call after her with her instinctive answer. That was not something that the whole lab needed to hear.

X x x

She remained in the locker room for a while longer, enjoying the illicit opportunity to dream, until her serenity was gate-crashed by the stridently announced arrival of the boys.

After the usual greetings she decided to leave them to their sports talk and slipped out in search of her not-so-new crush.

And she found her exactly where she expected to, leaning over the counter; magazine in one hand, coffee in the other. She smiled, enjoying the fact that she could predict the brunette's behaviour so well (and conveniently forgetting that half the lab could predict her behaviour too). Without a word and without tearing her eyes from the page she was reading, Sara nudged a cup towards Catherine and the blonde's face brightened.

"Thank you." She mumbled, hoping that she wasn't blushing.

They remained in amiable silence; Sara reading her magazine and Catherine watching Sara read her magazine.

As her mind started to wander again she wondered bleakly to herself how she had managed to end up in the situation.  
She had been aware of her growing feelings for her younger colleague from the word go, even if she had lied to herself about them for awhile. When they didn't go away, she realised that she had to acknowledge them and opted for telling herself that it was nothing more than a silly crush and would go away in its own time. Although this was still her stance, she had to concede that her feelings for Sara were not fading. If anything, they were getting stronger by the day.  
If she thought about it hard enough, she could probably pinpoint the day that she first felt something more than friendship...

Grissom's untimely entrance broke her trance and she glared up at him sullenly.

"Okay, Catherine one for you. Warrick one for you." He chanted lazily as he handed out assignment slips. "Nicky, you can back him up." There was a pause. "Sara, you're with me." Catherine's heart sank just a little at the smile Sara gave him. It was a smile that she had never seen before and that thought alone made her want Sara even more. She wanted that smile to be directed at her.

With a sigh she grabbed her file and stropped out, resisting the urge to look back and catch a final glance of the departing brunette.

X x x

Despite still being annoyed at Grissom, she was also glad to have the time to herself to think. Driving along the lonesome, dusty road to her somewhat remote scene, she found that she could let her mind escape for a while.

Her eyes.

Her warped fantasies often ended all too abruptly, but they always started the same. Those chocolate brown eyes; so deep and mysterious. Just once she wished she could see what was behind them.

It was her eyes that first caught her attention the day Catherine lost all control of her senses and fell for her colleague.

X x x

"_I should've never been sent to this remote scene in the first place. I've got seniority. I deserve – no, I've earned the right to pick my cases."_

_She couldn't remember what had set her off that night but she was sure her mother had had something to do with it, and Grissom had not helped. On reflection, she was surprised Sara had not lost her patience. But she didn't. _

_Without a word, she rounded the counter and selected a candy bar. She held it out to Catherine with a small, mischievous smile. As she took the offered item, Cath noticed a cheeky little sparkle in Sara's brown eyes. _

_And then she had insulted her. She hadn't meant to, she honestly didn't. It was only when she handed her the mirror that she saw the look of shock flash across her face and realised what she had said. _

_But again Sara didn't get upset or angry. She played off her with a smile and continued her work professionally. And as Catherine leant over the counter to see what Sara was looking at, she caught a brief flash of Sara's eyes in the mirror. As strange as it sounds, it felt like she had seen something she shouldn't; something secret and guarded. _

_It was fitting, she supposed, that she should only see the real Sara through a mirror. The girl was very good at hiding what was inside, but in that moment she didn't know that Catherine could see her so there was no need to hide anything. For just a moment, her soul was bared. _

_And suddenly Catherine wanted to see more. _

X x x

The sight of flashing lights brought her back to the present. Shaking her head, she put the memory aside and hauled herself out of the car and into the chilly night air.


	3. Cappuccino

Any other day and she would be spitting feathers, but today she was thankful for the hectic Vegas traffic for it gave her time to think. The rain pattering on the roof of her car provided a rhythm to her thoughts.

She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel distractedly in time with the music that was drifting faintly from the radio. Her knee moved up and down anxiously; words bouncing around her head.

She had made up her mind that today was the day. Turns out that had been the easy bit. Now came the hard part: she had to figure out how she was going to do this.

As the lights changed she jolted the car forward and swung a left, opting for the long route. Buying time, she supposed.

She had been racking her brain all day trying to work out what to say to her, but so far ... zilch. And somehow she didn't think that just cornering her in the locker room and declaring 'Sara, I want to pin you against the lockers and tear your clothes off' would win her over.

She had contemplated taking her out for a drink after work but she decided that it would be best if she kept a clear head for this; no point in tempting fate by encouraging Dutch Courage.

As the streetlights shimmered on her damp windscreen something caught her eye and without thinking she yanked the steering wheel sharply to the left, cutting off another car in the process. Water splashed up the side of the car, tyres screeching on the tarmac. She raised a hand in apology, running her fingers through her hair as she eased the vehicle into a parking space and took a deep breath. This whole thing was making her all panicky.

She looked up and remembered why she had pulled over. Coffee.

She got out and jogged across the desolate parking lot towards the inviting doorway with her jacket over her head, her legs already shaking at the thought of what she was embarking on.

Five minutes later she re-emerged with a contented smile on her face and two cups of steaming vanilla coffee to go. Setting them carefully into the cup holder, she strapped herself back in and set off – more carefully this time – feeling more satisfied now that she had a plan of action. She would give Sara the coffee, then admit that it was not entirely a selfless act of goodwill. After that, the words would come on their own. She assumed.

After all, it was rude to turn up empty handed.

X x x

It had fleetingly crossed her mind that if this went horribly wrong then it was probably not the best idea to be bringing something which could potentially be used as a missile, but she quickly disregarded the thought. She knew Sara better than that; if the brunette was going to turn her down she would do it gently. Again, she assumed.

Positive thinking was the key, she reminded herself as she strolled down the hallway; coffee warming her hands though the cardboard cups and words rehearsed and ready in her mind.

As she drifted past Grissom's office, she caught the tail-end of a sentence in that smooth distinctive voice. She paused in the hallway, stepping closer to the ajar door. It was pre-shift change so the hallways were empty and she could listen-in relatively undisturbed. Through the slats in the blinds she could see Sara perched on the corner of Grissom's desk. He was sat behind her, staring up at her with an amused smile on his lips. Sara said something that she missed, but it made him laugh and her hand tightened subconsciously around the coffee cups, ignoring the heat seeping into her skin. For a moment her conscience kicked in and she realised that she shouldn't be eavesdropping so turned to leave, but before she could she saw something that made her blood freeze.

Sara leant down and placed a soft, chaste kiss on his lips.

Catherine felt like she wanted to scream, or cry or something. But she didn't make a sound. With a deep shuddering breath, she turned and walked away. She made a beeline for her office, dropping the cups into the trash can en route to her desk. Hot, dark coffee splashed in the bottom of the can, staining the screwed up balls of paper already inhabiting it. She stared at it for a long moment, before dropping despondently into her seat.

Crushed, she cried.

X x x

That hurt.

It hurt that Sara wasn't with her; that she was with someone else. That she was with _him_.

For longer than she could remember Sara had been her most prevalent thought. When she was struggling, all she wanted was for Sara to give her a hug.

She wanted to wake up with Sara beside her, to be able to bury herself into brunette waves as she slept. She wanted to be able to hold her, touch her, kiss her. God, how much she wanted to kiss her.

She could live with the gnawing pain of knowing that she was never going to have Sara. But knowing that Grissom was … that he could do all of these things that she so desperately wanted to do. That stung.

Just thinking about him touching Sara made her stomach turn.

With a frustrated growl, she kicked out at the trash can, sending cold coffee and soaked rubbish splashing across her floor.

X x x

"Hey," Sara paused in the doorway, frowning at the image of Catherine crossed-legged sat on the floor with a roll of paper towel. "What happened?"

"I spilt some coffee." Cath mumbled, avoiding her gaze as she continued to mop up the mess.

"You need a hand?" Sara asked, crouching down beside her – a little too close for comfort right now.

"No." Catherine jumped up, startling the younger woman. She brushed herself down and straightened up, meeting Sara's gaze for the first time. "What did you want?"

Sara frowned at the brusqueness of Catherine's manner, but answered anyway.

"Grissom sent me; he wanted to know if you have the Wilkerson file to hand?" At the mention of his name, Catherine set her jaw and folded her arms across her chest.

"I do." She answered coolly. "Tell him if he wants it he can come get it himself."

"Okay." Sara replied slowly, eyeing her colleague with concern. "Cat, is everything alright?"

"I'm fine." She snapped, despite the instinctive flutter in her heart at Sara's use of the forbidden nickname. Oddly enough, she didn't mind the brunette calling her that.

"Alright," Sara nodded, although it was clear that she wasn't entirely convinced. "Well, I'll go tell Grissom." She turned to leave but stopped in the threshold. Cath raised an eyebrow at her in question. "Catherine … you know where I am." Sara offered uncomfortably with a weak shrug. "You know, if you need anything."

The blonde froze. She could do it now. She could throw herself at the girl; tell her just how much she needed her. She could beg her to leave Grissom and save her from self-destructing.

But she didn't. And by the time she finally found her voice, Sara had already gone.


	4. Yellow

Catherine was being unusually quiet today. It was like she'd reverted back to her initial state at the beginning of their counselling sessions: withdrawn, sullen.

He'd tried asking about work, about her family and about her health. So far, she hadn't responded to a single question. Her usually piercing blue gaze was fixed on a benign spot on the wall; staring at nothingness.

As a counsellor Dr Capa was used to sessions with people who clam up, even if this one had come as a bit of a surprise. Normally he would just end it now and hope that she would regroup before the next session. But he had one thing left to try first.

He cleared his throat, hoarse from the long silence. "How are things between you and Sara?"

Cath flinched at the mention of her name and inwardly he smiled to himself. At last, a reaction.

Slowly, she lifted her gaze to meet his. For the first time today he got a proper look at her face: her eyes were red-rimmed, like she'd been crying; though he hadn't heard a thing.

It felt like an age before she finally spoke, her voice husky and weak.

"I don't want to talk about Sara."

X x x

Catherine dragged her feet through the hallways, her eyes fixed on the ground.

She hovered briefly outside Grissom's office before releasing a sigh and sloping off to her own.

She had come to the conclusion that what hurt the most was the fact that she had been so close to making Sara her's. If she was never planning on doing anything about her crush then she could probably live with the fact that she was seeing someone else.

But she'd had it all planned out. She'd actually allowed herself to believe that all her dreams could come true.

And now he was living that dream instead.

Dr Capa had instructed her to tell her supervisor that she was struggling, but to her that just sounded like further humiliation: bad enough he had the one thing she wanted but now she had to admit to him that she was so broken she was seeing a shrink.

"_If you want to move on, you have to take the first step."_ He'd said firmly. _"Go to the source and deal with it head-on." _

He hadn't elaborated, and at first she'd assumed he was talking about Sara. But the more she thought about it, the more she realised that Sara was not the problem here. In fact, she was probably the solution.

He was referring to Grissom. And he was right; sooner or later she was going to have to talk to her boss about what was going on, because lord knows she could not carry on like this forever.

X x x

Sara fastened her bra and bent down to scoop up her jeans from the bench. With her back to the door, she didn't notice Catherine wander into the showers looking somewhat lost.

"Hey." Sara jumped at the quiet voice, instinctively holding her jeans up in front of her. Catherine looked her up and down and smiled weakly. "You're meant to wear them a little lower, hon." She commented, hoping the joke would disguise the blush creeping up her cheeks. Sara pulled a face and folded her arms across her chest, attempting to keep herself covered.

"What do you want?" She asked bluntly. Catherine ambled over and dropped onto the bench, her cheeky smile suddenly replaced by a sad frown.

"Have you got a few minutes?" She asked. Sara blinked, still holding her clothes against her bare skin.

"Now?" She asked, baffled by this inexplicable intrusion to her privacy.

"It's about Grissom." Catherine continued, oblivious to Sara's obvious discomfort. "I need to talk to him about something important but I don't know how to get him to listen. You can finish getting dressed, you know." She waved a hand absently, picking up Sara's shirt from the bench and toying with the hem of it.

Sara frowned, turning her back in an attempt to make the situation less awkward as she shuffled into her jeans.

"It's just, I've been going through some stuff that I could use his support in but I can't seem to catch him alone and whenever I do he's too busy to listen. I just don't know how to talk to him about it. He doesn't seem to understand how important it is."

Sara nodded along while she got dressed, contemplating how to retract her t-shirt from Catherine's distracted grasp. Fortunately the blonde seemed to tire of it mid-sentence and tossed it to the other end of the bench where Sara promptly snatched it back up.

"You know, I'm probably the last person on earth you should be asking about how to open up to people." Sara pointed out.

"I know." Cath agreed absently. "I needed a friend." As she spoke she reached out and began idly tracing a scar on Sara's back. The brunette glanced over her shoulder, scowling at the action. Catherine seemed oblivious to the fact that she was even doing it as she continued her sad, and somewhat cryptic, tirade. After a long moment, Sara pulled her t-shirt on, putting an end to Catherine's doodling. The blonde let her hand drop back into her lap along with her gaze. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm offloading this onto you." She moped.

Sara pulled her sweater on and sat down beside the blonde.

"Look, if Grissom won't notice that something's wrong then make it clear to him. Collar him at the end of shift, when he can't make any excuses and just tell him whatever it is you need to tell him."

Catherine took a deep breath.

"Bite the bullet." She summed up Sara's words. She pushed herself off the bench and wandered back to the door, pausing in the threshold just long enough to cast a brief glance back at Sara, who remained on the bench with a concerned expression. "You look very pretty today." She said softly.

X x x

"Hey Gil," Catherine rapped tentatively on his door. "You got a sec?"

"I'm kind of busy, can it wait?" He asked, not even looking up from his stack of paperwork to answer her. She pursed her lips.

"Well, I was wondering if I could talk to you … later?" He cast a brief glance at her face, but not long enough to read her expression.

"Is it about work?"

"No, actually. It's … personal." The boss' body tensed up at the mere word. Slowly, he put his pen down and took his glasses off.

"Oh." He seemed to contemplate the predicament for a minute or two. "I have a meeting after shift with the board of directors." He paused. "Maybe I can squeeze you in before that. It won't take long, will it?"

She opened her mouth to contradict that, but decided it wasn't worth it.

"No, it won't take long." She mumbled, turning to leave. "Thanks."

He watched her disappear back into the hall, confusion written on his features before shrugging it off and going back to his paperwork.

X x x

"I take it the talk didn't go so well?" Sara asked sympathetically, appearing in the doorway to the locker room. Catherine shook her head sadly, scuffing the floor with her boots.

Sara couldn't help but take pity on the woman and, for the second time today, joined her on the bench.

"Hey, why don't we go out somewhere? Just the two of us." She offered. Catherine glanced up at her from beneath her lashes.

"Where?" She asked uncertainly. Sara shrugged.

"Anywhere." Her lips twitched into a smile. "Somewhere with a bar." She added temptingly. Catherine raised her gaze, attempting to fight off an impish smile.

"Anywhere?" She repeated. Sara grinned, glad to have gotten a positive reaction. However, it was short lived as Catherine released a tired sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. "I can't. I arranged to meet with Gil after work to talk some more."

"Let him wait." Sara waved a disregarding hand. "He's probably forgotten anyway."

Catherine laughed; she couldn't argue with that logic.

X x x

Somewhere in the back of her subconscious, her conscience was telling her that it was wrong to be enjoying this so much. But she didn't care.

As Sara pulled out of the parking lot, Catherine let herself sink into the car seat, her tired muscles relaxing for the first time in days. She liked being in Sara's car, it had that same distinctive scent that Sara had. Exotic and sweet.

"Where do you want to go?" the brunette asked, tearing her gaze briefly from the road to cast a glance at her passenger. Catherine offered a lazy smile.

"Anywhere." She answered. 'Anywhere with you' she thought.

Most of her was just pleased to be here with Sara, but a small part of her was guiltily proud that Sara was here with her, instead of with Gil.

For once, Sara had chosen her over Grissom.

**x x x x**

**Let me know what you think**


	5. Maroon

"We just talked. It was nice." Catherine smiled lazily. "She never asked what I was hiding, or pressed me to talk about anything in particular. We just … talked."

After her brief set-back last week, Catherine seemed to have found her tongue again, along with her eagerness to talk about a certain criminalist.

"What did you talk about?" He asked, hoping that if he kept the subject going he could keep her interest in the session.

"Everything." Cath shrugged. "Work, Lindsey, the guys. She told me about some of her antics when she was in college." She laughed softly, obviously remembering the conversations well. "It was nice to just spend time with her, to get to know her better."

Dr Capa sat back in his chair, tapping his fingers on the edge of the desk in thought.

"You feel you don't know her well?" He queried.

"Not as well as I'd like to." She admitted with a small shrug, toying with a loose thread on her sleeve. She felt guilty for talking about Sara like this but at the same time was revelling in the chance to talk about her at all without being judged for her feelings. "She's not the most open of people and … well, when she first arrived in Vegas I wasn't exactly welcoming."

"Go on." He pressed when she trailed off. Cath looked up, a soft frown creasing her forehead as she tried to figure out what he wanted from her.

"Well, Sara was brought in to investigate the shooting of another colleague of mine." She started to explain, her voice cracking as a rush of emotions flooded her mind. "It was Holly's first day; she was going to walk and I convinced her not to. If I hadn't, she wouldn't have been killed."

"You blame yourself for this girl's death?" Dr Capa scribbled something down on his notebook. This was foreign territory and he was going to have to tread carefully to avoid making the woman clam up again.

"In part, yes." Catherine answered honestly.

"So, that's when Sara arrived?" He asked, skirting around the issue of blame for now. Those unresolved issue were going to require a whole session to themselves.

"Yeah, Grissom brought her in from San Francisco to handle the internal investigation." The doctor wrote that phrase down too, along with a question mark for later. "I guess I didn't want to let her get too close."

"Why not?"

"Because of Holly. Because she reminded me of her." Catherine released a shuddering sigh. "I wanted to look out for her but without getting close enough to actually care about her."

"Sounds tricky." The shrink commented. "How did that work out for you?"

"It didn't." Cath choked out a dry laugh. "She got under my skin. But by then I'd put that much distance between us that she was wary of me. I couldn't just talk to her like I can with the boys." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "Whenever anything happened to her at work, my first instinct was always to go to her, to make sure she was alright. But I daren't because it felt like I was overstepping some boundaries. Like, I don't know, I didn't have the right to get that close to her."

"You say when things happened to her." Dr Capa repeated. "What sort of things are we talking about?"

"Well, she got attacked at a crime scene not too long ago, in a mental hospital for violent criminals."

Dr Capa looked up, startled. "Attacked? Was she alright?"

"She got jumped by one of the patients. He attacked her with a make-shift knife and attempted to rape her." Catherine voice faltered slightly as she recounted the events. He could tell that she was struggling to maintain her composure, despite her best efforts.

"Were you working with her at the time?"

"No. I was at the lab and heard a rumour that something had happened so I called Grissom. He was working with her."

"So you checked up on her after you'd heard the news on the grapevine?" He translated. Catherine chewed her lip nervously and shook her head.

"I called before that too. I wanted to make sure she was okay on the case." At her counsellors questioning look, Cath continued in a bashful voice.

"Sara and I had had a fight, a few weeks prior to this case. It involved domestic abuse and Sara tends to get too involved on these cases."

"Do you know why that is?" He frowned.

"I have a pretty good idea." Cath answered, her gaze turning dark for just a moment. "I'd told Grissom that I didn't think she should be on the mental hospital case but he didn't listen. I'd called him a couple of times during the shift; I was trying to make sure he kept an eye on her." She paused, sadness clouding her features. "I should have tried harder."

Dr Capa nodded slowly, considering what she'd told him so far. He could sense his patient watching him uncertainly from across the room, as if she felt she had said too much.

"Catherine, would it be safe to say that you feel an element of responsibility for your colleague?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She answered cautiously, unsure of where he was going with this.

"Do you think she feels the same about you?"

"I …" Her instinctive answer died on her lips. Did Sara think about her in the same way? "I don't know." She frowned.

"Well, she obviously cares for you; otherwise she wouldn't have spent all morning with you when you were feeling down."

"No, I guess she wouldn't." Catherine hummed thoughtfully.

"You say you find it hard to ask people for help." Dr Capa said, changing tack again. "So, what made you feel like you could turn to Sara?"

Catherine inhaled deeply, mulling the question over.

"I don't know, I guess she's just an approachable kind of person." She paused, biting her lip. "I get the feeling that she won't judge me; like she's been there. She's always so guarded." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. "I know that she's had a rough life – I don't know what's happened but I get the impression she's had to fight to get to where she is."

"Sounds like you have a lot of respect for her." He commented.

"I do."

"Do you trust her?" Cath looked up in surprise, as if the answer should be obvious.

"Of course."

Dr Capa sat forward, folding his hands on the desk.

"Do you trust her enough to tell her what you've told me?" He asked. Catherine chewed on her lip again.

"I don't know." She answered honestly in a meek voice. "I don't know how I would begin to tell her."

"Well, you said it yourself last week: you don't feel like you can carry on like this anymore." He reminded her. "If you don't feel like you can talk to your boss about your problems, maybe she's the next best bet."

X x x

Catherine tossed her keys into the bowl by the door, releasing a tired sigh. That session had really taken it out of her; she felt drained.

"Catherine?" Her mother's voice floated through the house. With a weary groan, Cath followed the sound into the kitchen.

"Hey, how's Lindsey?" She asked, hoping to deflect any questions that her mom had prepared for her.

"She's upstairs, doing her homework." Lily waved a hand absently. "Where have you been?"

"I told you, I had a meeting at work." Cath lied, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"I know what you told me." Lily hummed. "By the way, work called while you were out. They wanted to know why you weren't answering your pager."

Catherine cringed. She'd forgotten to switch it back on after her time with Dr Capa. When she looked up she was met with the same stern glare she used to get as a teenager.

"What's going on Catherine?" Lily demanded in a low voice. "What aren't you telling me?"

Catherine ignored her, snatching up her phone and dialling the lab reception desk.

"Catherine." Lily repeated sternly.

"You know what mom; I can't deal with this right now." The blonde snapped, turning away from her questioning gaze as she waited for Judy to answer. Lily looked taken aback by her daughter's outburst but recovered fast.

"Fine." She mumbled. "Well, if that's how you feel I'll just go."

"Mom, wait…" Cath called after her, but it was too late. The front door slammed shut just as Judy's chirpy voice drifted down the phone.


	6. Black

"Where were you today?"

Catherine turned, surprised to be collared by Grissom before even making it into the locker room.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had something to deal with." She answered cryptically. "Was it important?"

"We dealt with it." He shrugged, changing the subject – much to Catherine's relief. "Here, you're working the main case tonight." He handed her a file and turned to leave. "Sara's restless, take her with you."

Catherine lips spread into a bright smile at his departing figure.

X x x

If Sara knew she was being watched then she didn't let on, her fingers tapping away at the keys. Catherine continued to cast intermittent glances up at her between sorting through the contents of the victim's purse. Something caught her attention in amongst the usual make up and spattering of lost pennies.

"Got a business card for a counsellor." She said, holding it up for the brunette to see. She neglected to mention where she recognised the name from.

"I'll pull her records." Sara said absently, her attention still focussed on the computer screen.

"It's okay, I'll sort it." Cath said softly. She looked up, biting her lower lip nervously. Staring at the familiar logo on the card, Dr Capa's words flooded back into her mind. "Hey Sar," she called hesitantly. "You ever been in therapy?"

The brunette stilled, her whole body tensing up at the question.

"Why?" She asked defensively.

"No reason." Catherine shrugged, suddenly regretting the question. "I was just wondering."

Sara pushed herself away from the computer and stood up, walking stiffly towards her colleague.

"I'll go chase those records up." She mumbled, grabbing the business card off the desk.

Catherine watched her go with a look of despair.

What had she done? To Sara, that must have sounded like a blatant attempt to dig up information on her.

And they had been getting on so well.

X x x

"Catherine?" Sara poked her head around the door, scanning the room briefly. After their conversation earlier, Sara had made an active effort to avoid her boss but the case was moving fast and the need to fill her in overtook her personal issues. Coming up empty, she turned to leave, but a soft mewling sound caught her attention and she paused, listening carefully for it again.

After a long moment she heard a small whimper emanating from the showers.

"Cat?" Sara queried softly, sliding through the ajar door into the narrow corridor that led to the showers. Catherine dared a glance up, giving Sara a brief glimpse of the tears streaming down her face. "Hey, what's wrong?" The girl asked, dropping to her knees beside her friend.

Catherine, her knees pulled up to her chest, buried her head in her arms and continued to sob quietly. Sara wrapped an arm around her shoulders awkwardly, attempting to comfort her.

"It's okay." She whispered. She had no idea if it was okay, she didn't know what was wrong but it sounded like the right thing to say. Having received little comfort in the past, she wasn't sure of the proper protocol when you find your supervisor in pieces.

Catherine shifted, allowing her arms to snake around Sara's waist, effectively preventing the younger woman from releasing her. So Sara stayed put, letting Catherine cry out her demons against her shoulder.

X x x

"Man, I am beat." Warrick groaned, running a hand through his short hair.

"Yeah, I hear you." Nick grunted his sentiments. "Hey, you want to head to Franks first?"

"Yeah, better than bouncing off the curb I guess." Rick agreed, slinging his jacket over his shoulder.

"Nick?" The guys stopped their conversation, sharing a confused look.

"Sara?" The Texan asked, walking over to the showers. Sara reached over as far as she could and nudged the door further open, indicating that it was okay for him to come in. He and Warrick tentatively peered inside, surprised to find Sara sat on the floor with Catherine slumped against her, seemingly asleep.

"What's going on?" Warrick asked, crouching down beside them in the small space available.

"I was kinda hoping you guys might know." Sara laughed dryly, attempting to move without waking the blonde. "I found her in here crying, but she wouldn't say what was wrong."

"Here, let's move her." Warrick suggested. He scooped the older woman off the floor, supporting her against his body as he stood back up. Nick offered a hand to Sara, pulling her to her feet.

"Where should we take her?" Rick asked, sliding back into the locker room carefully. Cath snuffled at the disruption to her nap, pushing against him in her sleep.

"Her office." Sara instructed, stretching her stiff muscles. Warrick nodded, adjusting Cath in his arms as he walked.

X x x

Thankfully the corridor was as empty as they could have hoped for at the time of shift; still it wouldn't take long for the rumours to spread.

Warrick laid her down carefully on the couch. The movement caused her to grumble and curl up but still she didn't stir.

"Thanks guys." Sara breathed, staring down at their friend with concern.

"You going to be alright with her?" Nick asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you." Warrick patted her on the back and Nick placed a kiss on her cheek before both men drifted back out, closing the door behind them.

Outside in the hallway, they shared a knowing look.

"Damage control." They said together, splitting up to stem any rumours before they found their way to Ecklie's ears.

X x x

Catherine scrunched her eyes closed, unwilling to wake up just yet. She wasn't sure where she was but she could sense somebody watching her.

Slowly, she cracked her eyes open, scanning the room. Even from her sideways angle, she recognised it instantly as her office.

And sitting at the desk, nursing a cup of coffee, was Sara.

"Hi." She croaked out, pushing herself to a seated position.

"Hey." Sara handed her a glass of water, which she gladly accepted. As the downed the drink, letting the cool liquid sooth her sore throat, Cath searched her memory. She could have just fallen asleep, but judging by Sara's wary expression there was more to it than that.

The last thing she remembered was sitting on the bench in the locker room, and starting to cry … so she had moved into the showers.

And Sara had found her.

Her expression must have belied the moment that realisation hit because Sara moved closer, sitting on the other end of the couch. Without a word she took the empty glass, and took Catherine's hand.

"What's wrong Cat?"

A simple question, but so many answers. Catherine took a deep, shaky breath.

"I need help." She managed to stutter out. Sara gripped her hand tighter, silently pleading with her to talk.

And that was all it took for her to break. Tears streamed down her face as she poured her heart out to her friend. It was a disorganised jumble of thoughts and tears and pained cries.

Sara never said a word as she detailed the problems she'd been having at home and work, or as she explained why she'd brought up the subject of therapy earlier; she never let go of her hand either.

And her calm gaze never faltered once, not until Catherine revealed the reason for her breakdown in the locker room - in the form of a small bottle of pills.

**x x x x**

**Thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming :) x**


	7. Grey

**I know that this isn't my best work but let me know what you think anyways **

**x x x x**

"I know something's wrong." Grissom stated moodily, sprawled on his side under the covers.

"Yeah, good for you." Sara hummed, buttoning her shirt up. She could feel his eyes on her back, scowling at her.

"I'm the boss, doesn't that count for anything?" He asked, leaning off the bed in an attempt to pull her back.

"No." Sara sighed, moving out of his grasp. She loved Grissom, but he was trying her patience right now. "Look Gil, whatever Catherine's going through is no-one's business but hers."

"But you know." It wasn't posed as a question but he quirked an eyebrow enquiringly anyway, sitting up fully and wrapping the covers around him. Sara rolled her eyes.

"Yes, but I can't tell you." She insisted, searching for her phone while simultaneously putting her necklace on.

"I want to know what she's hiding." Gil persevered, attempting to stand up. Sara turned to him with an exasperated shrug.

"Well I can't tell you."

He followed her through the town house into the kitchen, shuffling his feet so as not to trip over the blankets he was using as a robe of sorts.

"Sara; I know you want to help her, but you can't devote all your time to her." He sighed, leaning against the kitchen counter. Sara paused in searching through her purse long enough to meet his gaze.

"She's a friend, Gil. And she needs my help."

"You've barely done anything else lately." He pointed out.

"I don't believe you." Sara laughed dryly, shaking her head. "After everything you've done for me. For all of us. I'd have thought that you of all people would understand."

"I do understand Sara." He insisted. "I just don't want to see you being taken advantage of." He paused, realising how that must have sounded. "I love Catherine, you know I do. But she has a habit of becoming dependant on people."

"So?" Sara shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

"So, I don't want to see that. You shouldn't have to carry that burden." Sara scoffed in disbelief. She fixed Grissom with a stern look.

"If she says she needs me, I'm going to go to her. End of."

X x x

Cath wrapped her knuckles on the door and poked her head into the room.

"Linds?" She called over the loud music blaring from the speakers.

The girl spotted her mother and quickly turned the stereo down. Cath smiled and came further into the room. That was progress.

"Hey, how was your day?" She asked, subtly surveying the untidy room.

"Fine." Lindsey muttered with a shrug, purposefully avoiding all eye contact.

"Do you have much homework?" Another shrug. Cath pursed her lips.

"Hey. I bought you a present today." She said temptingly, offering a carrier bag to her daughter.

Her interest piqued at last, Lindsey clambered off the bed and accepted the gift, peering inside.

Without even taking the items out, she dropped the bag on the floor and returned to her text-messaging with a distinctive eye-roll and a grunted thanks. Catherine frowned at the discarded clothes.

"Hey, don't you want to try them on?" She picked the bag with her proffered gifts back up and wandered over to the bed with it.

"Maybe later." Linds mumbled, shielding her phone from view. Cath leant over her to see what she was saying.

"Who are you talking to?" She asked un-accusingly.

"No one!" Lindsey shouted, sitting up on the bed and cradling her phone in her lap. Catherine held her hands up defensively and took a step back.

"Alright, just checking." She attempted a comforting smile. "Listen, dinner's nearly ready so come on down in a few minutes."

"I'm not hungry." The young teenager sulked. Catherine frowned.

"You need to eat something, honey." She tried. Lindsey looked up, a trademark scowl painted on her face.

"I'm not hungry!" She yelled.

"Linds…" Cath warned in a low voice, her understanding starting to waver.

"I don't want it! And I don't want your stupid clothes!" She kicked the bag off the bed, sending the clothes scattering across the untidy floor.

Stunned into silence, Catherine backed out of the room silently and shut the door. She didn't want to let Lindsey see that she had upset her, but she couldn't help the startled sob that bubbled its way out of her mouth.

X x x

"You sure?" Nancy asked, even though it was a bit late as Lindsey was already climbing into the car.

"Yeah, she doesn't seem to want to stay here tonight." Cath sighed, throwing her hands up. "Maybe it'll be good for her to have a night away."

"Okay, I'll call you tomorrow." Nancy promised, kissing her big sister's cheek.

Catherine watched them pull out, waiting until she could no longer see the headlights disappearing down the road before releasing a deep sigh and closing the front door.

"You can't keep palming her off on Nancy every time she's being difficult." Lily commented from behind her. Cath leant her forehead against the closed door and released a shaky breath.

"Mom, please." She murmured tiredly. "I can't do this now." She turned and dragged her feet upstairs, furiously avoiding her mother's piercing gaze.

X x x

In the entrance to Lindsey's room, Catherine surveyed the damage for a moment. There were books, CDs and clothes on every surface in the room. Shaking her head sadly, she began gathering up the mess, organising it into small piles. She picked up the clothes she'd bought today, folding them back up sadly.

"You never know." She mumbled to herself, placing them carefully on her desk chair.

Her drawers were not much better; clothes spilled out of them like they were trying to escape. With a tired groan she began meticulously re-folding and placing them back neatly in the drawer. When she pulled out a t-shirt, she jumped as something fell out of it and hit the floor with a dull thud.

Lindsey's diary.

Catherine picked it up, letting her hand graze the cover lightly.

X x x

She'd regretted it as soon as she turned the first page, but it was too late by then.

The first few pages were nothing out of the ordinary: hates school, hates mom, hates life. Typical teenage ranting.

After that, it started to get very interesting … and predictably enough it all began with a boy by the name of Billy.


	8. Emerald

"You read her diary?" Sara repeated, stunned by her colleague's devious actions.

"I know, I know – it was a stupid thing to do. I'm a terrible person." Catherine moped, slumping against the lockers. "I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted to get inside her head." She shrugged helplessly.

"I get that." Sara nodded, closing her locker and ambling accross the small room towards her. Catherine felt her body react to the sudden closeness as Sara leant against the lockers beside her; but she refused to let it put her off the subject at hand and forcibly clamped down on her surging lust. "I just don't think this is the right way to go about it." Sara continued softly.

"No." Cath agreed sadly. "But what do I do about it? I need to talk to her about this boy."

"Are you worried that she's in trouble?" Sara asked with a frown. Granted, she hadn't spent much time with Lindsey over the years but she seemed like a sensible enough girl – minis the hitch-hiking, incident of course. Catherine took a deep breath, mulling the question over.

"I'm worried that she's going to get pressured into doing things she's not ready for." She was dancing around the subject but they both knew what they were talking about.

"Is there anything in her diary that suggests…"

"No." Cath cut her off mid-sentence. "But she kind of hints about feeling anxious and peer-pressured."

"Well, in my limited experience of teenagers, they tend to exaggerate things." Sara suggested reassuringly. "But, if you're worried then I suggest you talk to her."

"Yeah, well that's easier said than done." Cath sighed, raking her hand through her strawberry-blonde waves.

"You might want to leave out the part about reading her diary." Sara added with a small smile and a nudge, eliciting a dry laugh from Catherine.

X x x

Catherine was pacing, casting fervent glances at the front door every few seconds. Having temporarily evicted her mother from the house, she had been pacing for nearly an hour, when finally the door opened and slammed shut.

"Hey." Lindsey mumbled, kicking her shoes off in the hall and heading straight for the stairs.

Before she could disappear, Catherine landed at her side with an unusually hesitant expression.

"Linds, I need to talk to you about something." She gestured to the couch and waited for her daughter to throw herself down before joining her; ensuring to put enough distance between them so as not to crowd her. The last thing she wanted was for Lindsey to feel cornered right now.

"What is it?" The teenager asked sullenly, eyeing Catherine with a wary gaze. The woman pursed her lips. She'd formulated a plan during her pacing but all of the words had suddenly evacuated her mind.

"I need to talk to you … about Billy." She started tentatively. She saw a range of emotions flash through her child's eyes, finally settling on suspicion.

"How do you know about him?" Lindsey asked cautiously, already running through the list of potential blabber-mouths. Catherine took a deep breath. For a brief second, Sara's final words flashed through her mind but she pushed them aside and produced the diary from behind her back.

Lindsey stared at it for a whole moment before finally raising her gaze to meet her mother's.

"You read my diary?" she asked, her low voice disguising how deeply hurt she was by the action.

"I found it while I was cleaning up … I just wanted to know that you were okay." Catherine attempted to defend her prying but Lindsey's eyeroll and dramatic flick of her blonde hair suggested it wasn't working. She kept her voice soft, trying to catch the girl's gaze. "Lindsey, who is Billy?"

"Nobody." Lindsey sulked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Come on honey," Cath pleaded gently, laying a hand on her arm. When Linds jerked away from the offending touch, Catherine faltered. "Baby, I know you're angry with me and I don't blame you;" she started again. "But if there's something you want to tell me, now would be a good time." Lindsey didn't make a sound to suggest that she had heard her, but her foot began tapping nervously on the floor. Hoping that she was on the verge of cracking, Catherine inched closer on the couch. "Has Billy, or anyone else, ever tried to make you do anything that you didn't want?" She pressed, chosing her words carefully.

"No." Lindsey huffed, although there was a slight waver to her voice that filled Catherine with dread.

"Baby, please..." she begged softly. "Tell me what's going on."

And suddenly the girl was on her feet, barking at her startled mother. "It's none of your business!" Cathering blinked for a second, taken aback, but she recovered quickly when Lindsey started across the room towards the stairs.

"Lindsey…" She warned in a stern voice, "I'm not finished talking to you."

The teenager spun on her heels at the bottom of the staircase, whirling on her parent with a cold gaze.

"I hate you! I wish Dad was still here!"

Catherine recoiled from the words, speechless. All she could do was watch Lindsey stomp upstairs and wait for the telltale slamming of the bedroom door.

X x x

"You're an idiot." Nancy declared, the phone tucked into the crook of her neck as she prepared dinner. She could practically hear the despair washing off her big sister down the line.

"Helpful Nance, state the obvious." She breathed sarcastically.

"Well, what do you want me to say? You read her diary. How would you feel if mom had invaded your private thoughts at 13?"

"You're right, I know." Cath sulked, tracing the rim of her coffee cup idly. If Lily had done that then she would have been out of the front door in a heartbeat.

"Where is she now?" Nancy asked, taking some of the heat off of Catherine for a moment.

"In her room." Cath answered, rolling her eyes. "You mean you can't hear her music down the phone?" Nancy laughed softly. Typical; when all else fails, drown your parents out with music.

"Just give her some space and try to talk to her again when she's had time to calm down."

"Why do you think I'm on the phone?" Cath sighed. "Thanks sis."

"Call me later; let me know what's going on." Nancy requested, shifting the phone to her other ear so she could stir her dinner.

"I will." Catherine promised. They said their goodbyes and Cath dropped the phone back into its cradle. She stared at it for a long moment.

It was probably a safe assumption that Lindsey wasn't coming out of her room for a while, and Catherine wasn't particularly hungry just now. She deliberated for a long moment before making a decision and snatching the phone back up.

It did briefly cross her mind that Sara was probably with Grissom, but she pushed the thought aside. Sara had said to call her if she ever needed anything.

And right now, she needed a friend.

X x x

Talking to Sara had helped calm her nerves a little.

Thankfully she had been at home, presumably alone, so had not seemed to mind the disturbance and took a good hour reassuring Catherine that she was a good parent and making her promise not to do anything stupid. Not that she was planning on, of course, but the knowledge that the brunette was still looking out for her gave her a peculiarly warm feeling inside.

But ultimately, Cath knew that she was going to have to talk to Lindsey about all of this.

With a reluctant sigh, she dragged her tired feet upstairs. She knocked on the door, even though she knew no one could hear over the music playing. At the inevitable lack of response, she attempted to open the door but something was blocking it. For a second she thought it was Lindsey and stopped pushing, until she caught a glimpse through the crack of the dresser pushed up against the door.

"Lindsey! Open the door." She called sternly over the loud guitar riffs drowning the house. When there was no response Cath leant her whole weight against the door and rammed it open, scraping the piece of furniture accross the carpet as she did.

The room was empty.

And the window was open.


	9. Blae

**Thanks for the reviews so far guys. Hopefully I'll get back to daily updates this week**

**KC x**

**x x x x**

Panic.

Pure blind panic was all that filled Catherine's mind for the whole minute that she stared at the open window; the curtains fluttering in the gentle breeze.

Without even bothering to turn off the music, she bolted back downstairs and grabbed the phone up again.

It felt like an age before the monotonous ringing stopped; then all coherent though left her mind as the familiar voice drifted down the line.

"Sara … she's gone."

X x x

"What the hell happened?" Nancy demanded as she stalked into the house.

"I don't know; I left her in her room to give her some space." Cath stuttered, waving her arms wildly as she spoke. "When I went back to talk to her, she was gone. She must have snuck out of the window."

"Alright, calm down." Nancy grabbed her sister's flailing hands and caught her gaze. "Have you called the police?"

She shook her head numbly, uttering the only words she could muster.

"I called Sara."

Nancy shook her head, unsure of the relevance of this. Thankfully, she was spared the job of figuring out her sibling's warped logic by a knock at the door. Cath tore passed her and threw it open without bothering to check who it was.

Nancy had only met Sara a couple of times but she recognised the pretty brunette instantly, despite the fact that Catherine had her arms around the girl's neck before she even made it through the door.

"No sign I take it?" Sara asked, guiding them carefully into the house. She was followed by Grissom, who was eyeing Catherine with a wary expression.

"I don't even know where to start." Cath shrugged, finally releasing her colleague.

"Have you called her friends?" Gil asked, the epitome of calm and professionalism regardless of the situation.

"Yeah, no one's seen her."

"The boys are out looking for her. Brass has put a BOLO out for her and he's getting in touch with taxi companies to keep an eye out." Sara listed. "I'm going to head out on my bike, cover some of the smaller roads. Anywhere in particular I should start?"

"Um, I don't know." Cath whimpered helplessly. "Around the school and the library I guess. Places she's familiar with."

"Alright, I'll work out from there." To the surprise of everyone in the room, Sara pecked her cheek lightly. "Don't worry, we'll find her." She whispered, wiping away Catherine's tears with the pad of her thumb.

X x x

"Mom's on her way." Nancy declared, walking into the room with a tray of coffee mugs. "Any word from Sara?"

"No." Cath sulked, sniffing back tears.

"I'll try her again in a few minutes." Grissom said, passing his cell phone from one hand to the other anxiously.

"Half the city's looking for her, we'll find her." Nancy attempted to sound confident for her big sister's sake, but in truth she was terrified at the thought that her niece was out there all alone.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have read that stupid diary." Catherine mumbled, wiping in vain at her eyes. "I should have just trusted her."

"Yeah." Nance released a breath, lowering herself onto the couch. "But that's irrelevant now. We just need to concentrate on finding her."

"The diary mentioned a boy?" Grissom piped up with a frown.

"Yeah, Billy." Cath choked out a laugh. "No surname and she refused to say anything about him." Grissom drummed his fingers on his knees in thought for a moment.

"I'm going to make some calls." He declared at last. Cath gestured absently towards the phone, not really paying attention to her boss. He grabbed it from its cradle and nodded for Nancy to follow him into the kitchen. "Do you have a list of Lindsey's friends anywhere?" He requested.

"Yeah, Cath was using it a little while ago." The nurse disappeared off and came back with a small leather-bound address book.

Despite the circumstances, he couldn't help a small smile. Catherine, ever the paranoid parent, had ditched the alphabetical approach and grouped Lindsey's school friends together.

X x x

By the time he finally emerged back into the living room, having exhausted the list, Lily had arrived and was attempting to console her distraught daughter.

"If any of her friends know this kid, they're not telling." He sighed, tossing the address book onto the coffee table.

"I'm sure Lindsey knows better than to run off to some boy's house." Lily assured them. Catherine scoffed incredulously.

"Seriously? Have you already forgotten what I was like at her age?" she challenged. Lily pursed her lips, averting her gaze. It was true; Catherine had put her through hell as a teenager … but this was Lindsey they were talking about.

"She'll be okay, Cathy." She repeated firmly; to convince herself if nobody else.

X x x

"I didn't know Sara had a motorbike." Cath stated randomly, when the oppressing stillness had become too overwhelming for her to bear.

Nancy and Lily were on the phone to the local hospitals and family friends respectively, in search of any potential leads. She and Grissom had been sitting in silence for twenty minutes.

"She does." He stated unhelpfully. "She shouldn't, it's too dangerous." He added with a frown.

"When's that ever stopped her before?" Cath pointed out softly, lifting her gaze to meet his. "Do you love her?"

The question took him completely by surprise, resulting in him stuttering a garbled answer with little actual response.

"It's okay, I know about the two of you." She waved a hand dismissively. Grissom's expression darkened for a moment.

"She told you about us?" He asked uncertainly. Catherine offered a weak smile, shaking her head slowly.

"If you're going to make out at work, close the blinds first." She explained. The entomologist pursed his lips.

"Oh." He mumbled. They lapsed back into silence.

"You didn't answer my question." Cath pointed out at last. "Do you love Sara?"

Grissom took a deep, contemplating breath. He knew – or at least he thought he knew – what answer Catherine was searching for, but he didn't know if that was necessarily the correct answer. And lord knows, he never could lie to the blonde.

"I don't know." He answered honestly after a lot of thought. She observed him through narrowed eyes for a very uncomfortable minute before nodding and relaxing her expression.

"I thought as much." She sighed, pushing herself off the couch and wandering out to the front porch.

After a few minutes, he followed her.

"What am I doing? I should be out there looking for her." She gestured to the deserted street. It was rapidly getting darker now; colder too.

"You need to be here in case she comes back."

Catherine lifted her sad blue eyes to meet his, tears creeping down her pale cheeks. Under the porch light, she looked almost ghostly.

"She doesn't want to come back."


	10. Ocher

"You should eat something." Nancy coaxed softly.

"I'm not hungry." Cath sulked. She had moved from the front porch to the bottom of the steps and refused to budge any further. That or she couldn't move from sheer exhaustion.

"Catherine, you need to keep your strength up." Grissom chimed in.

"I'm not hungry." She repeated through gritted teeth.

"Someone will find her." Nancy insisted, crouching down and trying to catch her gaze. "And when they do they'll bring her back here to find you passed out on the porch!"

Finally, Catherine tore her eyes from the street, searching her sister's face. Wordlessly, she offered a small nod of acceptance.

X x x

Sara pulled her helmet off and released a long sigh, shaking her hair out. Without the roar of the motorbike echoing in her ears, she was struck by how quiet it was away from the glare of the strip and the noise of downtown Vegas.

She had tried everywhere within a five-mile radius of Cath's house and the school. And so far there was no sign of the tearaway Willows.

So she had racked her brains, dragging to memory all the times she had run away from foster homes.

She'd go to the library, or into town where she could disappear into the crowds. One thing she did remember; she wouldn't have just sat in one place and waited to be found.

Putting her helmet back on, she revved the engine and set off back to the school. If Lindsey was moving around to avoid being found, then Sara would drive in circles all night if she had to.

She was not about to be outpaced by a thirteen year old.

X x x

Nancy took the plate away; scowling at the amount of food left but chose not to push the issue right now.

Having gotten at least some food into her, Lily decided that this was the opportune moment to bring up an issue that had been bothering her.

"How did you think she was going to react when you told her that you'd read her diary?"

"I wasn't thinking." Catherine sniffed. "I just wanted to understand what was going on in her head. I know something was upsetting her."

"Why didn't you just talk to her?" Lily asked, sitting on the coffee table opposite her. "Catherine, I know what it's like to have teenage daughters who don't talk to you," she said pointedly, eliciting an eye-roll from both Catherine and Nancy. "But invading her privacy like that … what did you think would happen?"

"I messed up … are you done?" She asked tiredly. Lily released a frustrated sigh.

"So that's it? You're just going to sit here pitying yourself?" She asked sternly. Cath looked up, shocked.

"You won't let me leave, what else can I do?" Lily gripped the younger woman's arms, holding her gaze.

"Catherine, they are going to bring Lindsey back; but that won't mean this is fixed. You're going to have to make some serious changes to your life if you want her back."

Catherine blinked away angry tears, shaking her head at the unexpected onslaught of stringency from her mother.

"What the hell?" She mumbled weakly. Lily threw her hands in the air.

"Well, is it any wonder that she doesn't talk to you? You never see her, you're always at work."

"I'm a single parent, what do you want me to do?" Catherine defended.

Nancy had crept back into the room and was stood to one side with Grissom, watching the altercation through narrowed eyes. As much as she agreed with her mother's observations, this was by no means the time to bring them up.

"I want you to get your priorities straight." Lil barked, struggling to contain her growing anger now.

"Priorities? She's my child, she always comes first."

"Really? Well maybe you ought to tell her that every once in a while because she thinks that you don't care." She may as well have slapped Catherine across the face; whether the words themselves or the truth behind them she didn't know but something sent a chill through her blood.

"Of course I care about her."

"Catherine you're like a ghost to her. She's a young girl, she needs a mother."

"You think I don't know that?"

"It's alright Cath," Nancy jumped in, placing a restraining hand on her sibling's shoulder before she could launch herself off the sofa.

"I think you need to sort your life out." Lily continued, lowering her voice. However, her attempts to calm down had little effect on Catherine, who was too riled now to stop.

"My daughter is out there somewhere, lost and scared!" She wailed, gesturing towards the front door.

"And whose fault is that, Catherine?"

Cath scoffed, shaking her head slowly. "You know what, I don't need this now."

"Well maybe I should just go then."

"Yeah, maybe you should!"

"Cathy," Nancy interjected, reaching for her sister. Catherine shrugged her off and disappeared onto the deck, leaving the sliding door open so a cold breeze blew into the lounge, encasing the group inside. "Cath!"

"No, it's okay." Lily assured her younger child, though her voice belayed her hurt. "I'll go."

"I'll call you as soon as there's any news." Nancy promised.

"Don't go yet." Grissom said, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Let me talk to her first."

The Flynn women watched him slide outside after the wayward CSI with matching sceptical expressions.

X x x

Sara let the engine die down and took her helmet off, listening carefully.

She might have imagined it but she could have sworn she had seen something in her peripheral vision.

She left her bike on its stand and wandered through the park, listening out for the cracking of branches or laboured breathing. Any sign that she wasn't alone.

She couldn't be too far from Catherine's house; she estimated maybe a mile or so. This could even be the park that Cath used to bring Lindsey to as a kid.

There was a quiet crack from somewhere near the swings. Sara headed over to the play area, scanning the dark for any sign of movement. She tried to make a mental note of where she was going, so she could get back to her bike without getting lost.  
It did cross her mind that there could be anybody out here and she wasn't in any great position to defend herself, but she quickly put the thought to one side. If there was someone creeping around out here, she liked to think that her sharp instincts would keep her safe.

Thankfully, her gut instinct had been correct.

Lonely and cold, sitting all alone on a bench, was a frightened little girl waiting to be found.


	11. Turquoise

"I've lost her." She cried.

Grissom forcibly placed a cup of tea in her hands and she robotically sipped from the mug, oblivious to the fact she was even doing it.

"We'll find her." His attempts at comfort fell on deaf ears as she continued to shake her head in loss.

"What am I going to do?" She asked of the helpless man, who's only answer was to shuffle awkwardly on the spot with his hands in his pockets.

"You know your mother didn't mean any offence." He digressed, hoping it might snap her out of her depressed musings.

Cath choked out a dry laugh.

"Yes, she did." she countered softly. "But I can't say I didn't deserve it. I'm a terrible mother – it's no wonder Lindsey doesn't want to talk to me." He didn't dare pose an answer to that, so he kept quiet and allowed her to continue. "I always told myself that I wouldn't make the same mistakes that mom did with us. I wouldn't be the kind of mother who puts work first, but I have."

"You work for Lindsey." Gil pointed out. "Everything you do is for her."

Catherine nodded, albeit weakly. He sensed that he wasn't going to get any more out of her, so he slid into a chair on the opposite side of the deck and left her to her thoughts.

Blissfully, they did not have to bear the awkward silence for long as the sound of the front door opening and closing propelled Catherine to her feet.

She tore through the lounge, straight past Lily and Nancy, coming to a skidding halt as Sara appeared around the corner with a smile on her face and a sullen teenager in tow.

"Oh thank God," Catherine whispered, dropping to her knees. She threw her arms around Lindsey, running her fingers lovingly through silky blonde hair.

Lindsey didn't react to her mother's frantic caresses, but she didn't pull away from them either.

"Where was she?" Grissom asked when his girlfriend joined him across the room to give the reunited mother and daughter a minute.

"In the park behind her school." Sara answered, casting an affectionate glance over the pair.

Catherine had suitably checked that her child was okay and was leading her upstairs by the hand, ignorant to anyone else for the time being. As their footsteps disappeared, an uncomfortable quiet fell over the room.

"I'd better make some calls, tell everybody to call off the search." Sara held up her cell phone and wandered into the kitchen for some privacy. Grissom followed her, leaving Nancy and Lily alone.

"Well, thank goodness for that." Nancy breathed.

"She won't be back for long." Lily mumbled, lowering herself onto the sofa now that the panic was over and the realisation could sink in; tonight had reminded her just how long it had been since her girls were that young. "Catherine needs to have a long talk with her, sort some things out."

"Yeah, well not tonight." Nance countered, perching on the armrest. "Besides, I think Cath knows that she needs to make some changes."

"Does she?" Lil asked, looking up at her younger child.

"Just leave them alone for now, give them a chance to talk things out." Nancy insisted. "I think we can rest assured that they're not going anywhere tonight."

They hushed their conversation as Catherine surfaced downstairs looking haggard.

"How is she?" Nancy asked, jumping to her feet.

"Tired." Cath's eyes searched the room, obviously looking for someone in particular. Sara and Grissom emerged from the kitchen, having heard her come downstairs. She made a beeline for Sara, wrapping her arms around the brunette's neck.

"It's okay." Sara mumbled against her ear, holding her close. "She's home now."

Grissom frowned at the way Catherine turned her head into the crook of Sara's neck, nuzzling against her warm skin. He had never been a particularly jealous man but at the same time he didn't much like the way in which Catherine was all over his girlfriend. Or the way his girlfriend was responding, for that matter. He knew that Sara was not a tactile person; it had taken him long enough to get that close to her … so why was she so close to Cath?

"Maybe we should go." He announced at last, gathering his coat from the back of the sofa and placing a possessive hand on Sara's back.

"No, please don't." Catherine whimpered when Sara pulled out of the embrace. The brunette flicked her gaze from Catherine to Grissom.

"I could stay, if you like?" She offered, completely missing the scowl on Grissom's face. Cath nodded, wiping at her eyes in vain.

"Please." She managed to murmur.

"Well, if you're staying then I should get to work." Nancy declared, rolling her shoulders in an attempt to loosen her tense muscles. "Come on mom, I'll drop you off."

"Good idea." Lily said, grabbing her jacket. Nancy held out the car keys to her, allowing her go first. The mother offered small wave to the CSIs, blanking Catherine completely as she left to let herself into the car. Nancy wrapped her sister briefly in a hug, placing a kiss on her damp, tear-stained cheek. "Call me in the morning, yeah?" She requested, nodding to Sara and Grissom on her way out.

As soon as the sound of the car's engine died away, Gil turned to Catherine. "You sure you want Sara to stay?" He asked, instinctively stepping closer to his girlfriend.

"Yeah." She nodded tearfully, flicking her gaze between the two of them. "If that's okay with you, Sar?" she added weakly.

"Of course." Sara nodded, reaching out a comforting hand. Catherine gripped it tightly, offering a grateful smile. "Thank you."

Grissom watched their interaction with a raised eyebrow.

"Well. I'd better get going then." He said at last. Sara tore her attention from Catherine long enough to walk him to the door, where he opened his mouth to speak but seemed to think better of it and instead lingered in the doorway waiting for Sara to break the silence.

"I'll call you later." She promised. He nodded, casting a brief glance back at Catherine before turning to leave without a word to his partner.

Sara frowned after him, but put it to the back of her mind for now and wandered back to the broken woman perched on the arm of the couch, who looked up and smiled weakly.

"Thank you for staying." She mumbled. "I'm sorry if I'm keeping you from something."

"Don't worry about it." Sara assured her. "You're more important."

The girl obviously didn't mean it in the way Catherine would like, but that didn't stop the smile spreading across her lips and the butterflies in her stomach.

"You must be shattered, why don't you get some sleep?" Sara suggested gently, tucking a stray blonde curl behind Catherine's ear. Cath shook her head.

"No, I'm too wound up to sleep." She slid onto the couch itself and settled back against the cushions. Sara took her seat on the rest and slung an arm around her shoulders. The older woman leant into the embrace, letting her head fall against Sara's shoulder.

"I could make you something to eat, if you like?" Sara offered. "I mean, I'm not much of a cook but…"

"Sure." Cath shrugged, stifling a yawn. "You'll have to check the fridge; I'm not sure what I've got." She gestured weakly towards the kitchen. This was by no means the way she had envisioned the first time Sara would stay over, but right now she had bigger things on her mind than playing host to her crush. She heard Sara rummaging in the kitchen and decided to use her time alone wisely.

X x x

Lindsey was already in bed when Catherine slipped into her room and perched on the edge of the mattress. Lindsey rolled onto her back, staring up at Cath with expectant blue eyes, despite her tiredness.

"How are you feeling?" Catherine asked, tucking the blankets around her tighter. Lindsey shrugged, blinking in an attempt to appear awake. "You want anything?"

"No thank you." The girl mumbled. Catherine could tell she was on the verge of falling asleep, but she wasn't quite done yet.

"Listen, tomorrow you and I are going to talk." She said softly, stroking her daughter's hair. Lindsey nodded weakly, barely able to keep her eyes open. Catherine found that if she looked really hard, she could still see that little girl she'd raised; she was just hidden behind a mask of anger and fear.

She placed a kiss on her forehead and stood up, leaving the child to sleep.

"Mom." A sleepy voice called as she reached the door. Cath turned, barely able to make out her daughter's fragile shape in the dim light. "I'm sorry I ran away."

Catherine smiled. "I know, baby." She whispered, slipping into the hall and leaving the door ajar - like she used to when Lindsey was little.

**Let me know what you think x**


	12. Orange

**Hope you're enjoying it so far, let me know what you think. **

**Thanks to everyone for the reviews so far **

**x x x x**

Catherine smiled down at Sara and brushed a strand of dark hair away from her face.

She'd offered her the spare room, but Sara had refused and Cath had been too tired to fight her.

She didn't even remember going to bed; Sara must have put her there. It gave her butterflies to imagine the brunette leading her upstairs by the hand, undressing her … she felt oddly warm at the thought that Sara might have seen her body. Had she kissed her when she tucked her under the covers?

And at some point in the night Sara had come back downstairs and curled up on the couch.

Cath dragged a blanket off the back of the sofa and draped it across her friend's sleeping form.

X x x

Working autonomously she clicked the pot on, retrieved the milk from the fridge and a mug from the cupboard.

She dropped into a chair with her coffee, savouring the scent. It was still early and the house was blissfully quiet, giving her a chance to organise her thoughts.

She needed to have a long talk with Lindsey. That was her priority. And however hard it was for her to admit, she owed her mother an apology. It wasn't her fault that Lindsey had run away.

But there was another conversation she intended to have today … one that could potentially make or break a budding friendship.

"Hey," the sleepy voice broke her from her thoughts. Sara shuffled into the kitchen and slid into a seat beside her. "You're up early."

"So are you." Cath pointed out gently. "Coffee?"

"Yeah, please." Sara nodded, wiping at her eyes tiredly.

They sipped their drinks in silence, enjoying the peace and quiet of the early morning. Usually at this hour they would still be at work.

After a long few minutes, Sara spoke again.

"Have you figured out what you're going to say to the runaway?"

Cath rolled her eyes. "No, I was planning on winging it." She joked, propping her head up on her hand. "You seem to have a way with her, any suggestions?"

"Well," Sara pursed her lips in thought. "For a start, don't let her feel cornered. She'll just push you away again."

"Uh huh." Cath nodded, making a mental note of the advice.

"Let her do the talking. You said it yourself; she's angry. So let her get angry, let her get upset." Sara recommended, staring into the bottom of her mug. "Trust me, she'll feel better for it afterwards."

Catherine watched her colleague from across the table with perplexity. She wanted to ask Sara how she knew all of this; what had happened to her to provide such insight.

Unfortunately, she was prevented from asking the questions burning on the tip of her tongue by the sound of footsteps above them. Their gazes shifted upwards, tracking the impending movements.

"I'll give you guys some space." Sara offered, placing her mug in the sink and running a hand through her hair in an attempt to straighten it out.

"You don't have to go." Cath jumped to her feet.

"It's okay, I'll come back." Sara assured her. "But you two need some time to talk, and I need to go find my motorbike." She smiled, eliciting a soft laugh from the blonde.

Lindsey arrived downstairs just in time to catch a glimpse of Sara slipping out of the front door. She stared at the closed door for a moment - she'd hoped Sara would stay and act as a buffer - before releasing a sigh and wandering into the kitchen. She felt like a convict en route to the executioner.

Catherine was pacing in front of the sink, waiting for her to appear, when she shuffled in and threw herself into the chair Sara had vacated.

"Morning honey." Cath mumbled hesitantly. "Are you hungry?"

"No." Linds murmured, resisting the urge to snap at her mother. She looked up expectantly, waiting for the conversation that she knew was coming. Taking the hint, Catherine slid back into her seat.

"Alright." The CSI began. "Well, I thought maybe you and I could…"

"We need to talk." Lindsey cut her off bluntly, leaving her mother hanging.

"Yeah." She cleared her throat. "Last night, where did you go?"

"I went to Billy's." The child answered sullenly, fixing her gaze on the table. Cath pursed her lips.

"We called your friends; none of them know anyone called Billy."

"He's older than me." Lindsey confessed. Cath rolled her eyes knowingly. Like mother like daughter. "He's in 9th grade."

"He's at high school?" Catherine gasped. Noting Lindsey's sheepish expression she let the issue drop for now and softened her voice. "Okay, so what happened when you went to Billy's?" His name felt odd in her mouth, like danger.

"He had some friends round. I stayed there for a while with them. They … I wasn't drinking, I just hung out with them."

"It's okay." Catherine assured her gently. "Did something happen while you were at Billy's?" Linds started fidgeting anxiously, shuffling in her seat. "Baby, did something happen?" Cath pressed uncertainly.

"He tried to kiss me." The girl admitted eventually, wringing her hands in her lap. "I got scared and ran away."

"Why didn't you just come home?" Catherine asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"I tried. But there was a guy in the street; he tried to talk to me so I ran the other way. I ended up in the park and decided to stay there until it got light."

"And that's where Sara found you." Cath finished the story quietly. Right now, staring at her perfect unharmed little girl, she felt like she owed Sara everything. "Honey, why didn't you tell me about this boy?"

"Because I liked the attention from him and I knew you wouldn't improve." The teenager said. Cath breathed out slowly; you couldn't argue with her logic.

"Baby, I wouldn't approve because I've been there. I know how these boys think."

"I'm not like you." Lindsey looked up, hurt. Catherine inhaled sharply at the dig, but let it slide.

"I hope not." She said softly. "I've made a lot of mistakes, and the last thing I want is for you to repeat them."

For the first time, Lindsey met her gaze properly. Having finally made a connection, Catherine held onto those clear blue eyes as she continued.

"I shouldn't have read your diary. That was a mistake and I can't excuse it." She said honestly. "I will never invade your privacy like that again. But, I want you to promise me something in exchange."

"Okay." Lindsey said uncertainly.

"If there is ever anything worrying you, like boys or school, I want you to come and talk to me. I will never judge you, okay, but whatever you're going through I've probably been there myself." She offered what she hoped was a comforting smile. "I might not always know how to fix problems, but I know how not to fix them. And running away is at the top of that list."

Lindsey looked away but a small smile started to twitch at her lips. Catherine caught sight of it and grinned, holding out her arms tentatively. After a moment, Lindsey slipped out of her chair and walked into her mother's embrace.

X x x

She felt better for having talked to Lindsey and it was certainly a refreshing change to have a frank discussion with the girl, but they were still on shaky ground. There was a lot of damage and hurt feelings on both sides on the fence.

And it would take more than a couple of promises to heal those wounds.

Catherine released a breath, wandering onto the front porch. The sun was higher in the sky now, beaming down on her face. She lifted her hand, shielding her eyes from the glare.

Sara caught sight of her from the driveway and smiled.

"Hey." Cath greeted, surprised. "You found it then." She noted, wandering down the path to where Sara was checking her bike over.

"Yeah, right where I left it." The younger woman beamed. Cath let her hand graze the sparkling metal lightly.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to Gil?" She asked softly.

"I wanted to see how you two were first … how do you know…"

"I've known for a while." Cath cut her off. "You do know you're making a mistake, right?" The words had left her lips before she could retract them.

"W..what?" Sara stammered, taken aback. Catherine met her eyes, squinting against the harsh sun.

"He's emotionally unavailable. That's never going to change." She stated. She'd already started down this path, she may as well carry on. "You need to end it before you get any further into this relationship."

"Catherine …"

"You can do better." Cath interjected ardently.

Sara scrutinised her face for a long moment.

"I've got to go." She said at last, climbing onto her bike. "Say hey to Lindsey for me, okay?"

Catherine watched her go, sadness clouding her blue eyes. She knew Sara wouldn't pay heed to her words, but she had given it her best shot. Most likely it would go in one ear and out of the other. But, you never know.

With a sigh, she headed back inside to make a grovelling phone call to her mother.


	13. Charcoal

**Long chapter for you tonight :)**

**x x x x**

"Hey Catherine." The smooth Texan voice and gentle hand on her shoulder drew her from her musings.

"Hey Nicky." She greeted weakly.

"How's Lindsey doing?" He asked, slipping his jacket off.

"She's alright, I guess." She shrugged, running a hand through her hair. "I don't know. It's difficult to say really."

"She'll be okay." Nick assured her, squeezing her shoulder gently in a gesture of comfort. "Hey, how about Sara? Quite a catch, huh?"

"What?" The blonde barked, startled. Had she been that obvious?

He paused midway through hanging up his jacket, frowning at her reaction. "Well, she found her right?"

"Oh, yeah. Right." She nodded, catching on. "Yeah, she's great."

Nick eyed her with concern.

"Cath, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She cleared her throat. "Have … have you seen Sara? There is something I need to talk to her about."

"I think she's in her lab." The man said, still watching his colleague with caution. "Cath, are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine." She ascertained, pushing herself off the bench. "Thanks."

X x x

True enough, Sara was camped out in her lab with the lights dimmed, her dark eyes glued to the computer screen.

"You're going to go blind." Cath commented softly, coming further into the room.

"I work better in darkness." Sara countered, bristling at the sudden intrusion to her concentration. "How's Lindsey?"

"She's fine. She says hi."

"Good." Sara nodded absently, her fingers continuously tapping away at the keys. "She'll be okay."

"Yeah." Catherine agreed quietly, slinking closer to her. "I wanted to talk to you … about what I said earlier."

Sara's hands stilled.

"What about it?" she asked tersely.

"I still think you're making a mistake." Catherine began, sliding between Sara and the desk so the brunette could not ignore her. "But I shouldn't have just dropped it on you like that. I'm sorry."

"Okay." Sara said, not entirely sure what else Catherine was expecting from her. "Was that it?"

Cath's heart sank, but she nodded all the same. She had hoped the young CSI would thaw at her apology, but those trademark defences remained securely in place.

"Yeah, that's it."

She slid out, suddenly feeling cold rush through her bones at the distance between them.

"Cat," Sara called softly, not tearing her gaze from her screen. "I'm really glad that Lindsey's okay."

X x x

If she was aware of the tears streaming down her face then she didn't seem to care.

This was a sign as to just how broken she felt right now; she would never normally break down over something so trivial as a spat with a colleague.

But this wasn't just any colleague. This was Sara.

With trembling hands she shook a few pills out of the bottle and stared at them.

She didn't know why but all of a sudden this seemed like such a good idea.

X x x

Wendy stopped short in the doorway to the women's room.

"Hello?" She called out. Whoever had been throwing up fell quiet for a few seconds.

The lab rat heard an uncomfortable groan from one of the stalls and crept further into the room, letting the heavy door swing shut behind her.

"Hello?" She called again, checking beneath the stalls cautiously. The far door was closed, but not locked. She knocked – receiving no answer – and then pushed against it gently. Whoever was leaning against the other side did not seem to appreciate that, but gradually Wendy managed to manoeuvre the door open enough to discover the cause of the sounds.

"Catherine?" She gasped, sliding to crouch down beside her. "Are you alright?" She reached out a hand to feel her forehead, but Cath batted her arm away. The blonde attempted to stand but her legs gave way beneath her and she stumbled into Wendy's waiting grip. "It's okay," she assured the older woman. "Let's just sit back down." Carefully, she guided Catherine onto the bathroom floor, sweeping her strawberry blonde hair away from her flushed, sweat-drenched face. "I'm going to get some help, I'll be right back."

She didn't know whether it was luck or chance, but the first person she caught a glimpse of outside the bathroom was the best person she could find right now.

"Sara!"

X x x

The brunette turned, startled by the voice hollering her name. "Yeah?" She asked suspiciously.

"I need your help." Wendy disappeared back into inside, leaving Sara to contemplate why another woman needed her help in the bathroom. With a puzzled frown, she followed her in.

"What the hell happened?" She asked, bolting from the door to where Wendy was crouched beside a dazed Catherine.

"I don't know, I just found her in here. She was throwing up."

"Cat, are you alright?" Sara asked, laying the back of her hand against her cheek and pressing two fingers onto her neck. Unlike she had with Wendy, Cath leant into Sara's touch. "Her pulse is rapid. Catherine, talk to me. What's happened?" She begged gently. Wendy shifted slightly, feeling something move beneath her foot.

"Sara?" She squeaked, holding up a small glass bottle. Sara's face paled.

"Oh no."

"I'll get some help." The lab tech jumped to her feet but Sara caught her wrist.

"No, wait a minute." She asked, her eyes searching Catherine's face. "Cath, how many did you take?"

"Not enough." Catherine slurred, attempting to stand up.

"No, sit down." Sara insisted, grabbing her firmly by the arms and practically pinning her to the wall. With Cath incapacitated for the time being, she turned her attention to Wendy, who was hovering by the door. "You said she threw up?"

"Yeah. When I first came in."

"There are still quite a few tablets in the bottle. Take it to Henry and find out how many she might have taken and what to do next." She instructed. Wendy nodded hurriedly and threw herself out of the door. "And get Grissom!" Sara hollered after her.

"No." Catherine grumbled, squirming in her grip. "No Grissom."

"You stay here." Sara said, pushing herself up. She knew that you weren't really meant to drink the tap water in here but she would chance it. She cupped her hands beneath the tap and held them to Catherine's mouth. Cath, for her part, allowed her to pour the liquid down her throat; soothing her dry throat and revelling in this sudden inexplicable physical contact with her crush.

X x x

Grissom, apparently not in the slightest bit fazed about being in the women's bathroom, burst through the door and dropped to his knees beside the women.

"What happened?" He asked frantically, searching Catherine for sign of injury despite the death glares she was giving him.

"She's swallowed some pills; I think they were anti-depressants." Sara explained as she wiped a damp paper towel across Cath's face, attempting to both clean her and cool her down. Her body was writhing and jolting, seemingly beyond her control.

"Oh God." He groaned, wiping a hand across his forehead.

"Wendy's taken them to Henry."

At the mention of her name, Wendy propelled herself back into the room.

"Henry said they're called Sinequan. He said the amount she's taken shouldn't be harmful and if she's thrown them up then there's no need to take her to hospital." She listed breathlessly.

Henry appeared behind her, not quite daring to enter the small room but instead choosing to linger in the threshold.

"It's Doxepin. With her weight and the amount of pills she's taken, I'd guess she's ingested approximately 5mg per kg." The toxicologist said, producing a bottle from his lab coat pocket and holding it out for Wendy to give to Sara. "It's charcoal solution. Give her all of it, it'll absorb anything she hasn't thrown up."

"Does she need to go to hospital?" Grissom asked, either not trusting or not convinced by Wendy's previous statement.

"No, they'll only give her the same. Other treatments aren't recommended for tricyclic anti-depressant overdoses. I'd take her home and keep an eye on her." He paused, catching his breath. "She may experience tachycardia or breathing trouble during the night, in which case you might want to get her checked out if it gets worse."

"Where's Lindsey?" Catherine's weak voice cut him off, quiet and laced with confusion. "Is she with Eddie?"

Sara and Grissom exchanged a worried look.

"Lindsey's fine honey, she's with your sister." Sara assured her. The news seemed to settle Catherine and she slumped back against the wall, letting her head fall on Sara's shoulder. The brunette slid her over to Grissom and stood up, brushing herself down. "Alright, I'm going to take her home." She declared.

"Her house?" Grissom asked with a frown, supporting Catherine's weight, despite her grumbled protestations.

"No, I'll take her to my place. There's no need for her family to see her like this. I'll get her things." She slipped out of the room but paused long enough to say to the techs; "can someone find out where Lindsey actually is?"

X x x

"Cath, honey, I know it doesn't taste nice but you have to drink it." Sara begged, attempting to hold her neck still with one hand while she poured the charcoal solution down her throat. Despite her weakness and confusion, Catherine was putting up a fair fight: Sara was beginning to wish she'd done this at the lab, where she would have had help.

Finally, she managed to get most of the foul tar-like liquid into her and released her grip. Catherine coughed and spluttered helplessly, attempting to expunge it from her system.

"It'll make you feel better, I promise." Sara assured her gently. The blonde glowered at her sullenly, wiping at her mouth, which was now stained grey. Sara offered her a glass of water to wash down any of the remaining mixture.

Her cell phone, abandoned in the lounge, began to vibrate on the coffee table. Sara left Cath on her bed, hoping beyond hope that she would stay put.

"Hello?" She answered tiredly, dragging her fingers through her hair.

"Hey, Sara," Wendy's voice drifted through the phone. "How's she doing?"

Sara moved to lurk in her bedroom doorway, giving her a clear view of Catherine without her being within earshot. The blonde had apparently decided to get ready for bed and was attempting to pull her t-shirt off, with little success.

"She's not happy, but she's doing okay." Sara answered honestly.

"Well, you were right. I spoke to her sister, Lindsey is there and she's fine."

"Good. That's good." Sara nodded, genuinely relieved. "Does she know…?"

"No. No, I told her that Catherine wasn't feeling well and was worried about Lindsey." Wendy assured her. "I also told her that she's with you, I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, that's fine." Sara waved a hand absently, even though the other woman couldn't see her. "Listen, I'm going to have to go. Thanks for your help."

"No problem," the lab rat mumbled softly. "Give her our love … when she's coherent."

"I will." Sara promised, shutting the phone off. With a sigh she ambled into the bedroom and helped untangle Catherine from her clothes. "What have you done to yourself?" She whispered sadly.

X x x

With Catherine suitably tucked into bed, half-dressed and half-cleaned, Sara collapsed into a chair in the corner of the room.

She had spoken to Henry to confirm that Cath had consumed the majority of the charcoal drink and was having no trouble breathing; and Grissom had assured her that he would stem any rumours before they started. So, all she had left to do was watch her sleep.

And work out what had gone so wrong in the last few hours.

**x x x x**

**Tension. Thoughts?  
**


	14. Green

**Italics is a flashback**

**x x x x**

She rolled over and curled into a ball, not willing to crawl out of sleep just yet. As her consciousness slowly woke up, she became aware of a familiar scent surrounding her. It was sweet and exotic and distinctly Sara. She didn't know quite why this was, but right now she couldn't care less.

She grabbed the pillow and buried her face in it, inhaling the scent of her crush and imagining what it would be like to wake up like this every day.

"Cat?" A soft voice interrupted her daydreams.

She kept her eyes tight closed, sensing someone creeping around the room so as not to wake her. A mug of something was placed beside the bed; it smelt almost as good as the sheets she was wrapped in. A gentle hand brushed her hair aside, fingertips grazing her cheek. It was pure torture trying not to smile at the tender contact.

After a moment of watching her 'sleep', Sara wandered back out of the room, ensuring to leave the door open a crack. Alone, Catherine pushed herself up until she was leaning against the headboard. Apparently, Sara had undressed her – or she'd undressed herself – either way, she was in Sara's bed in her underwear. She wrapped the covers around herself tightly, revelling in the feeling of the gentle satin against her bare skin.

The smell of fresh coffee reached her senses and she gladly picked up the mug Sara had placed beside her. Savouring the taste of her first mouthful, she took a moment to survey the room. She would have expected deep colours, but to her surprise the room was light – cream walls decorated with hints of red and gold. It was … pretty.

Having sat up, Catherine was suddenly aware of a throbbing headache and a persistent foul taste in the back of her throat. Her tongue felt dry. Absently, she wondered if she'd had an accident at work and that's why Sara had brought her home.

To her home. Her bed.

Regardless of the reason for her being here, Catherine couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach as she sipped on the coffee and absorbed as much of Sara as she could.

X x x

"Hey, you're up." Sara greeted warmly when Cath finally emerged from the bedroom, dressed only in her panties and Sara's robe.

Catherine smiled shyly, shuffling towards the kitchen bench.

"Breakfast?" Sara offered. Cath considered this for a moment but moving had caused a rush of nausea to flood her stomach so she shook her head politely. Sara didn't question it and instead poured her a glass of water and offered two painkillers.

"Are you okay?" She asked once Catherine had gladly accepted the items.

"Yeah … I think." She murmured. The way in which Sara asked the question made her think that she was definitely missing something. "Did … did something happen at work?"

"You don't remember?" Sara asked tentatively, finally meeting her gaze. Slowly, Cath shook her head. Now concern was starting to overtake her joy at waking up in Sara's bed. Something must have happened to elicit such a dark look from her colleague.

The brunette walked past her to the lounge area, rifling through her bag for a moment before returning with a small object in her hands. She placed the little tub of pills on the bench.

"Oh no." Catherine mumbled, a horrified look crossing her face.

"Yeah." Sara agreed softly. "What happened, Cat?"

She wanted to say that she couldn't remember, but that would be a lie.

She remembered now.

X x x

Sara's hand, doodling mindless patterns on her shoulder, was distracting her from her explanation but she couldn't tell her to stop.

"I guess I just couldn't handle it anymore." She shrugged. They had migrated to the couch and Sara had an arm stretched across the back, quietly poised to catch the blonde if she broke down.

"Why didn't you call me?" Sara asked gently. "Or anyone, for that matter."

"I don't know; I was ashamed. I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologise." The younger woman assured her. "It's not your fault that you couldn't come to us."

"I wanted to." Cath jumped in. The last thing she wanted was Sara thinking that she didn't trust her, when quite the opposite was true. "I just don't like being … weak."

"It takes more strength to admit to a problem then it does to hide it." Sara said knowingly. For the first time in days, Catherine actually , it was more of a flinch, but it was a start nonetheless.

"Yeah, I guess." She agreed, leaning into Sara slightly. As fate would have it, just as the brunette went to wrap an arm around her there was a blunt knock at the door. "Grissom?"

"Probably." Sara nodded, getting up to answer it.

Cath's assumption had been correct. She slithered down the couch, wishing the cushions would swallow her whole, as the supervisor appeared in her line of sight.

"Morning." She squeaked pathetically.

"Afternoon." He countered. "How are you feeling?" The question was asked with little emotion, more out of formality then genuine concern.

"I'm alright." She cleared her throat. "I'm … sore."

"You will be." He nodded curtly. "Henry gave me some leaflets for you … they're in my car." He realised aloud.

"I'll get them." Sara volunteered, already heading out of the door before either could protest.

They shared an awkward moment together in silence, each trying to avoid the other's gaze.

"You don't remember do you?" He asked coldly after a few minutes.

"If it happened last night then no, I don't." She admitted, wringing her hands nervously in her lap. "Remember what?"

"What you said to me when we were alone in the women's bathroom."

Very little of that sentence made sense to her so she settled for shaking her head.

"About me and Sara…"

X x x

"_You're an idiot." She slurred, pushing him away. _

"_Catherine," he wrapped his arms awkwardly around her middle, stunting her attempts to crawl away. _

"_You have the most beautiful girl in the world and you don't even care." The blonde continued distractedly. "You don't deserve her." The words took him by surprise. _

"_No, I probably don't." He agreed, releasing his grip on her slightly. _

"_She's too young for you. You're using her. She should be with someone who loves her. You don't love her." Catherine garbled. "I love her. _

"_Cath…" The entomologist grabbed for her again, doing his damndest to ignore her drug-addled ramblings. _

"_You don't deserve her!" With surprising strength, she shoved him backwards, slamming his back into the stall frame behind him. _

_Before he could comprehend what had just happened, the bathroom door swung open and Sara returned with hers and Catherine's belongings slung over her arm. _

X x x

"Oh, my God." She mumbled, curling into a ball.

"Sara and I are in a healthy relationship." He stated coolly, folding his arms across his chest. "If that's causing problems for you then I suggest you stay away from her wherever possible."

"Gil, I …" she was saved from attempting to formulate a response by Sara's timely return.

"I found them." She chirped, tossing the stack of leaflets onto the coffee table before Catherine's devastated face. She paused, casting furtive glances between the two of them. "Have I missed something?"


	15. Laurel

**I know there is a distinct lack of Greggo in this chapter, but fear not – he will be coming back in future chapters. **

She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes tiredly. She couldn't even read the words she was writing anymore.

"Oh, God." She groaned weakly, leaning back in her chair.

Grissom had assured her – however tersely – that he had prevented rumours from spreading, but she still got the distinct feeling that she was being watched. Everyone had been treating her like glass since she arrived for work that night.

Not in the least, Sara had been watching her like a hawk since she set foot in the building, which was making her nervous and – more importantly – making it very difficult to ditch the pills she had been carrying round in her pocket all night.

She wasn't planning on using them; she just didn't want them lying around at home where the temptation was so much higher. But with Sara monitoring her every movement they were proving hard to get rid of.

Grissom, on the other hand, was avoiding her like the plague.

Not that that was necessarily a bad thing.

X x x

They had given up trying to find out why Sara had taken Catherine home early yesterday.

They had not asked why Catherine was stuck on paperwork duty all night and Sara was confined to the lab.

They had wisely decided to avoid questioning their boss' bad mood.

But Nick, Warrick and Greg knew that they were missing something.

"I'm telling you, it's Catherine." Nick insisted as he and Warrick made their way through the twisty glass corridors. "She's been all over the place since Lindsey went missing."

"Nah, if that's all it was they would tell us. There's something else, man. I can smell it." The dark-skinned man brooded.

"Well, whatever it is, they're not talking." Nick shrugged helplessly. "Still doesn't explain what's gotten up Grissom's ass though." He added with a frown.

"Maybe he's jealous because Cath's stealing his Sara away." Rick joked.

Their laughter was abruptly cut short when they nearly collided with Catherine as she came out of her office.

"Hey guys." She murmured weakly, suavely dodging around them.

"Hey, how're you doing?" Nick asked. She froze and spun on her heel to face them wearing a tight smile.

"I'm fine." Her attempts to sound nonchalant fell flat.

"You sure?" The Texan pressed, taking a step closer to her. She visibly tensed at the movement.

"I said I'm fine, Nicky." She snapped curtly.

As she turned and walked away she could feel their eyes watching her with concern.

Oh yeah, they knew something alright.

X x x

"Sara look at you, you've barely slept."

"So, I never sleep anyway."

Catherine had been en route to the locker room, assuming it would be empty mid shift.

However, when she went to push open the ajar door, familiar voices stilled her movements.

"You cannot dedicate all your time to her. It's not fair on you." Grissom continued. She didn't need to have heard the beginning of this conversation to know it was about her. She turned so her back was against the wall and listened in, holding her breath in an attempt to remain silent.

"Gil." Sara sighed weakly. "I kind of know how she's feeling right now; she's not in a good place."

"Sara…"

"Sometimes all it takes is for one person to intervene." She continued earnestly, eliciting a smile from Catherine. "If I can stop her from making a stupid mistake, it'll all be worth it."

"And if you can't?"

"I have to." Sara uttered simply. "If I don't she'll fall, and I won't let that happen."

Catherine stuffed her hands in her pockets, exhaling deeply.

Her hand wrapped around something small and smooth.

X x x

"Sara?" Cath rapped her knuckles on the door gently.

"Hey, what's up?" The brunette spun on her chair to face her. Catherine shuffled into the lab, twisting her ring around her finger nervously.

"I have a favour to ask." She started tentatively. "You don't have to say yes…"

"It's okay." Sara assured her gently; reaching out a hand, which Cath cautiously accepted and allowed herself to be tugged closer.

After a long pause and a lot of stuttering, she pulled out the tub of pills and placed them on the desk in front of Sara.

"I'm doing okay." She jumped in before Sara could assume the worst. "But, I get worse when I go home … when I try to sleep. I was wondering…" she took a deep breath, doing everything in her power to avoid Sara's inquisitive gaze. "I was wondering if you would stay with me. Just for one night?"

X x x

"You're staying with her again." He jumped in before she could finish her sentence.

"She needs someone to keep her straight." Sara explained. "I know it's not fair on you but I can't abandon her now."

"You're not abandoning her. You just don't have to sleep with her." Grissom pointed out. Sara bit her tongue, trying not to lose her cool with the man she had so much respect for.

"Do you know how hard it is for someone in her position to ask for help?" She challenged softly. She took his silence to mean that he didn't. "She has asked for my help; I'm not going to say no."

He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Do what you need to." He shrugged at last.

She watched him sink into his desk chair with a heavy sigh.

"That's it?" She asked quietly.

"That's it." He agreed coolly.

For a moment, no one moved. Finally, she dropped her shoulders and turned to leave. Grissom watched her sad figure slink out, but he couldn't quite bring himself to call her back.

X x x

It would be so easy to kiss her right now.

Too easy.

Sara had been quiet for the whole journey back; so much so that Catherine was beginning to think she was regretting her offer.

However, the second Sara's head hit the pillow she was out like a light so the blonde chalked her reserved mood up to tiredness. She probably, Cat realised, hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

She still couldn't believe that Sara was in her bed, asleep, beside her. Close enough to kiss her.

Subconsciously her hand found its way under her shirt, glancing across her stomach. If she closed her eyes she found that she could almost convince herself it was Sara's hand creeping down her body. She slipped it into her pyjama shorts and her breath hitched.

It was not the first time she had touched herself to thoughts of Sara, but it was the first time that she didn't have to imagine to feeling of another body beside her.

She could smell the sweet scent of Sara's hair, splayed across the pillow; feel her soft breath tickling her neck.

A big part of her felt guilty, like she was taking advantage of the brunette simply by being there and doing what she was doing. But her imminent concern took over and she continued her motions. She knew that this could be the closest she ever got to actually sleeping with Sara.

She turned her head, scanning every inch of Sara peaceful face as her breathing got more and more erratic. Her teeth clamped into her lip, trying her damndest not to make a sound.

Sara stirred and Catherine momentarily stilled. The girl didn't wake up but her movements left her hand grazing the side of Cath's stomach. Carefully, Catherine picked up the stray hand and draped it across her bare skin, feeling the heat burning through every layer of epidermis.

She didn't know where she would begin to explain this if Sara woke up right now, but the fact that she could get caught only seemed to heighten her pleasure.

As her stomach tightened and her skin flamed, she resisted the urge to close her eyes, unable to tear her gaze from Sara's face. She was inches from touching her and as she fell over the edge her resistance fell with it and she pressed her lips to Sara's.

It was a gentle kiss, interspersed with hitched breaths. She darted the tip of her tongue out, tasting Sara's lips.

The brunette frowned and curled up tighter, retracting her hand and holding it against her chest protectively, though the feeling of it remained where it had lay. Catherine let her body sink back onto the bed, her breathing ragged and her body flushed.

As soon as it was done and the silence of the room fell back over them, her earlier feeling of guilt washed back through her. Twisting onto her side, she returned to her previous position of staring at her friend's face.

"I wish you knew." She whispered sadly, reaching up a hand to tenderly brush Sara's hair aside.


	16. Ruby

"I've done something stupid." Catherine mumbled weakly, her head in her hands. It was the first thing she'd said since she arrived.

"How stupid?" Dr Capa asked curiously. His patient looked up slowly, tears building in her crystal blue eyes.

"Really stupid."

X x x

"_Ow!" _

_Sara poked her head into the break room as she was conveniently passing by. "You okay?" She asked, concern flooding her voice. _

_Catherine turned to her, holding her hand against her chest protectively. _

"_I missed." She mumbled, nodding to the knife and semi-cut apple on the counter. Sara came into the room and, without asking, took Catherine's hand to examine the injury. Despite the pain, Catherine smiled. _

"_Doesn't look too bad." Sara commented, retrieving the first aid box from the cupboard under the sink. "Come here." She requested softly. _

_Not needing to be asked twice, Cath hopped up onto the counter and held her hand out to the brunette, making sterling efforts to avoid looking at the blood oozing from her pale skin. _

_Sara pulled a stool over and sat in front of her, taking the injured hand in her own. She noticed her colleague's pained face and scowled. "What's wrong?" She asked worriedly. _

"_I don't like it." Cath pouted, wincing. _

"_You're a blood pattern analyst." Sara pointed out with amusement._

"_I don't like it when it's coming out of me!" She clarified, sticking her tongue out playfully. Sara tried to swallow a laugh at her friend's obvious predicament as she settled herself with the kit in her lap. She carefully began wiping alcohol-soaked cotton wool over the flowing cut. It stung like a bitch, but the feeling of Sara's warm hands on her skin made up for that. "You've missed your calling." She remarked softly. Sara smiled, continuing her gentle work. _

"_I actually considered going to med school." She offered after a moment, hoping conversation might take Cath's mind off the pain. _

"_Really?" The blonde asked. "What changed your mind?" Sara pursed her lips and shook her head. _

"_You'll laugh." She replied. Catherine nudged her lightly with her leg, then slightly harder; urging her to spill. "Alright," Sara relented. "I didn't think I would be able to deal with facing death every day." _

_There was a moment of silence before Catherine erupted in a fit of giggles. _

"_Seriously?" She asked between breaths. _

"_I told you you'd laugh." Sara sighed, adjusting their positions so the older woman's legs were pinned between her own, preventing her persistent squirming. The sudden rush of heat that flooded Catherine's body put a halt to her sniggering. _

"_I think you would have made a brilliant doctor." She mumbled softly as Sara grabbed a clean white bandage and began carefully and neatly wrapping it around the wound. _

"_Sara, I … oh." Grissom stopped in the doorway, eyeing the two women carefully. He couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow at their interlocked position. _

"_What's up?" She asked, not tearing her gaze from Cath's hand. _

"_What happened?" Gil queried, noting the blood and – more specifically – the unconcerned look on Catherine's face as she beamed down at her nurse. _

"_She cut herself. It's nothing serious, just a flesh wound." Sara assured him, taping the bandage down with care. "What did you want?" _

_He frowned. He couldn't remember why he'd come in now. _

"_I need to talk to Catherine." He decided, nodding towards his office. The blonde placed her hands on Sara's shoulders and allowed herself to be helped down from the countertop. _

"_Thank you." She smiled shyly, reluctantly wriggling out of her grip. _

"_Anytime." Sara assured her, her attention already focussed on cleaning up the medical supplies. _

X x x

"_What's up?" Cat asked casually, echoing Sara's words as she followed him into the office. _

"_What's going on?" He whirled on her once the door was shut. _

"_I cut my hand." She blinked innocently, holding up the bandaged injury as proof. "What of it?"_

"_I mean about how you're acting around Sara." Grissom elucidated, not that she needed it. _

"_How I'm acting?" She repeated. Gil rolled his eyes, throwing himself into his chair with an overdramatic flump. _

"_Calling at all hours, getting her to stay over. Getting her to treat you … she can't be there at your every beckon call, Catherine." He snapped. _

"_She's helping me sort myself out." Cath frowned. She knew why he was upset but she thought he'd have a little more understanding at least. _

"_She needs a life of her own too."_

"_Unless you want her, then she's just supposed to come running; is that it?" The woman scoffed coldly. Her words hung in the air for a moment, finally stirring something just below the surface of his consciousness. _

"_You're jealous." He clicked on at last. _

_She choked out a laugh, shaking her head slowly in bewilderment. _

"_What was your first clue?" She said sarcastically. He continued to stare at her in bafflement until she sighed and dropped into the seat in front of his desk. "What do you want from me, Gil?" she asked, throwing her hands in the air. _

"_I want you to stop liking her … like that." He stumbled out, still trying to get his head around his latest realisation. The past few weeks were suddenly starting to make sense again - she could practically see him fitting the pieces like a mental jigsaw puzzle. _

"_You think I chose this?" She howled pitifully. "Gil, I haven't been able to get her out of my head for four years. Do you think I wanted to end up like this?" _

"_Four years." He repeated, blindsided by the fact. _

"_The longest four years of my life." She surmised sadly. "Look, I know that she's never going to be interested in a relationship with me. But I can at least have a friendship with her, right?" _

_Grissom, disregarding of the pleading look in her eyes, tapped a pen on his desk for a moment in deep thought. _

"_Maybe some separation would do you good." He decided at last. "I'll talk to Ecklie, see what I can do." _

_Catherine blinked at him disbelievingly. _

"_You're splitting us up?" Her voice cracked at the mere thought of being them torn apart. Grissom sat forward, folding his hands calmly on the desk. _

"_Well, I think it'd be for the best. Don't you?" _

X x x

"Do you think he is actually going to force you to swap shifts?" Dr Capa asked; not particularly out of an interest in lab politics, but concern for his patient's mental state. Right now, her friendship with Sara and the subliminal support from her team were the only things holding her together. If she lost that…

"I don't know." She shrugged, interrupting his train of thought. "But that's not the stupid thing I was talking about."

"Okay." He frowned. "Would you care to enlighten me?"

She took a deep breath.

"He threatened to go to Ecklie on me." She stated. "And the only way to stop that … was to beat him to the punch."

X x x

_She knocked quietly on the door, waiting for the usual grunted response before slipping inside. _

"_Conrad," she cleared her throat softly. "Have you got a minute?" _

"_Of course." The boss gestured to the chair in front of his desk. Before sitting down, she made a point of closing the door behind her. He raised an eyebrow at the action. "What's the problem?" He asked curiously. _

"_There's something I think you need to know." _

"_Alright. What's this concerning?"_

_She bit her lip anxiously. _

"_Sara … and Grissom." _

**ooh :)_  
_**


	17. Lemon

"We should go out." Grissom stated randomly, catching her off guard as they wound their way through the hallway. Sara turned to him with a confused smile.

"Out where?"

"Anywhere." He shrugged. "Somewhere away from work."

"Okay." She grinned. She opened her mouth to make a suggestion but whatever it was got cut off by a stern voice emanating from the end of the corridor.

"Grissom." They turned in unison, met by the expectant gaze of Conrad Ecklie. Sara pursed her lips and sent Gil an apologetic look.

"I'll see you later." She said, making to leave.

"No." Ecklie snapped, taking a step closer to the startled pair. "I need to speak to both of you."

X x x

_"You told your boss about their relationship?"  
_

_"I had to." She gushed tearfully. "If I didn't he was going to split us up."_

_"I thought you said that if Mr Ecklie found out then they could both lose their jobs." The counsellor clarified, not following her logic._

_"They can." She sniffed. "They might."_

_"Ah." Dr Capa nodded slowly. "I'm starting to see where the stupidity in your actions lies."_

_"Yeah, I misjudged that one." She choked out, wiping at her eyes. "I've messed everything up. I'm such an idiot."_

_"You've been under a lot of stress." He attempted to calm her. It was not technically his job to console her, but he did not want to lose her to her emotions now when they were making good progress._

_"I just didn't want to lose her. I never wanted to do anything like this … I just …" she took a deep breath, calming her nerves. "I can't afford to lose her. And now that's exactly what's going to happen."_

_"Well, tell me what happened next."_

_"That's just it." She groaned, sinking into the sofa cushions. "I don't know."_

X x x

"Who told you?" Grissom asked suspiciously while Sara squirmed uncomfortably beside him.

Ecklie rolled his eyes. "Nobody told me, Gil." He said with a smarmy grin. "I saw you two together in your office."

"Oh no." Sara uttered under her breath. Inwardly, the lab director smiled.

"My sentiments exactly, Miss Sidle. So, you two have some explaining to do." He sat back in his chair, an expectant mask clouding the smug look on his face.

X x x

"I can't believe this." Sara shook her head slowly, nursing a cup of coffee long since gone cold. Grissom hadn't said a word since leaving Ecklie's office and now he continued to stare straight ahead pensively. "So," she called softly, getting his attention. "What do we do know?"

"There's only really one thing we can do." He stated enigmatically. Sara nodded, misunderstanding his comment.

"I'll move to swing shift." She dropped her gaze into her lap sadly. She didn't want to leave her team, but she also didn't want to lose the good thing she had going with Grissom and she certainly wouldn't let him break the team up by moving shifts.

To her surprise, he shook his head.

"Sara … we can't do this." He stammered. "You, me – us. We…" he swallowed around the lump in his throat and started again. "It was never really going to work out. Not with our jobs."

"Gil, no…" she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief, as if the sheer strength of her will might stop what was happening.

"Sara, if we end it now then it doesn't need to go further than this." He insisted softly. "We can pretend it never happened."

She furiously blinked back tears, swallowing hard between words which tasted bitter on her tongue.

"You might be able to pretend, Gil." She mumbled weakly. "But I guess that's the difference between you and me."

He watched her leave; shoulders tensed and hunched. Finally, the tears he had been fighting began to creep down his face.

X x x

"Hey," Catherine greeted warmly. At Sara's hiccupped response, she rounded the bench and her expression fell. Sara was wiping pitifully at her eyes; red raw from too much crying. "Hey, what's happened?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"I think I just got dumped." Sara managed to stutter out. A pang of guilt struck Catherine square in the heart.

"What?" She asked, dropping into the bench and looping around arm around Sara's waist. "What happened?"

"Ecklie found out about us and Grissom broke it off." Sara explained, leaning into her hug. "He doesn't want to risk people finding out."

"Oh honey." Cath sighed, tugging her closer. Sara dropped her head onto her friend's shoulder and released a deep, shaky breath. Catherine smiled sadly at the brunette's initiated contact. "Come on," she suggested quietly at last, despite every nerve in her body begging her not to end the embrace. "I'll take you home."

"No, it's okay." Sara sat up straight and wiped her eyes with the corner of her sleeve. "I don't feel like going home just yet."

Catherine smiled and leant towards her ear, inhaling the scent of Sara's hair.

"I meant my home."

X x x

"I just don't know what happened." Sara murmured through her tears.

Sara Sidle was not ordinarily the type of girl to cry in front of witnesses – let alone twice in one day – but under the circumstances she didn't really care anymore.

Anyway, she'd seen Catherine cry often enough recently; this might even the playing field a little.

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but maybe Grissom's right." Cath suggested tentatively, offering her a cup of tea. Sara looked up at her incredulously.

"How?" She whimpered. "That relationship was the best thing in my life. And now, because of one stupid mistake, it's all over."

"It's not your fault honey." Catherine assured her softly, joining her on the couch and interlocking their hands. It was an odd feeling being the strong, supportive one for once. Finally, she was getting her opportunity to comfort Sara like she had wanted to all these years.

But it left a bittersweet taste in her mouth.

"How is it not?" Sara asked, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. "He saw us. And God knows Grissom never initiated anything between us if we were within five miles of the lab." She sniffled. "He always tried to keep distance between us at work. I was always the one seeking him out."

"You don't know that Ecklie saw anything." Catherine attempted to console her, but it fell flat.

"How else could he know?" She released a sigh. "I just can't believe I was stupid enough to think that he actually cared about me enough to …" She let the sentence hang, throwing her hands up helplessly.

"I care about you." Catherine mumbled weakly with a smile. Sara met her gaze, confusion bubbling behind her dark eyes. Cath swallowed and, suddenly aware of what she had said, attempted to change the subject. "Honey, Grissom does care about you. But he's never going to put anything before his work." She explained. "That's not your fault."

"Of course it is." Sara contradicted. "I've done the same thing I always do in relationships: I messed it up."

Catherine's heart broke at Sara's poignant tone as she strategically took chunks out of herself. She couldn't take it anymore. Scrunching her eyes closed, she took a deep breath.

"Sara, Ecklie didn't see you two making out in Grissom's office." She paused, biting her lip anxiously. She couldn't even bare to meet Sara's eyes. "I told him."

**x x x x**

**Sorry for another cliffhanger but I couldn't resist**


	18. Red

For a whole minute, Sara didn't make a sound. Her face contorted into an expression of loss and confusion.

"You … what?" She stuttered in a perplexed voice.

"I …I didn't want to hurt you." Catherine attempted to explain weakly.

"What … how?" Sara blinked, gasping for breath. "How was that not going to hurt me?"

"I know, I wasn't thinking straight." Cath gulped. "Sara, I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?" The younger woman repeated. "Catherine… how could you do this?"

The hurt and bewilderment in her friend's voice brought tears to Catherine's blue eyes.

"Just let me explain. I promise, you'll understand." She pleaded. Sara shook her head, struggling to hold back her own tears that were threatening to fall. She had already cried in front of this woman twice tonight, she wasn't going to break again.

"There's nothing you could say to make this okay." She mumbled, pushing herself off the couch and away from Catherine's touch.

"Sara honey, please…"

"Don't." The brunette cut her off, whirling to face her with a stony expression. "Don't call me that."

Catherine tripped over her words, searching for something to say that could stop her from leaving.

But it was too late. She winced as the front door slammed shut; sobbing quietly in the deafening silence that followed.

She didn't even notice the soft footsteps on the stairs until Lindsey's voice startled her.

"Mom, you okay?" The teenager asked uncertainly, hovering a safe few feet behind her mother.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Catherine lied, wiping at her eyes; as if Lindsey wouldn't notice the actions.

"Was that Sara?" The girl continued, pointing to the door.

"Yeah. Yeah, she came here after work for a while."

"What's happened?" Lindsey pressed, rounding the coffee table so her mom couldn't hide her tears any longer.

"Nothing, just … go do your homework." Cath instructed, keeping her gaze low.

"Mom…"

"Just go, Lindsey!" She barked, biting back a sob. Lindsey eyed her carefully for a moment longer, before doing as she was told and disappearing back upstairs. Cath attempted to call after her, to apologise, to explain. But her voice was hoarse. Finally, the bedroom door slammed and she was left in the silence of her own tears once again.

X x x

Gil passed his phone from one hand to the other, pausing intermittently to check it on the off chance that he hadn't noticed a new message come through.

He knew that Sara wouldn't call, but he felt the need to check all the same.

A soft knock at his door drew him from his sulking reverie.

"Hey," Catherine greeted, breezing into the room.

"Am I late?" Grissom asked, not really caring whether he was.

"No." Cath breathed, dropping into the chair before him. "You need to talk to Sara."

He looked up, his eyes bloodshot and tired. He hadn't slept.

"I don't think that's what she wants." He declared softly.

"She wants you." Catherine said with a twinge of sadness at the cold truth in those words. "You need to fix this."

"Catherine." Grissom rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. "It's not that simple."

"Of course it is." She contradicted, leaning forward. "Just talk to her and tell her you're sorry." Grissom sighed, shaking his head.

"That's just it … I'm not sorry." He explained. "You were right about me Catherine, I can't do it. I can't put her before my career."

Catherine's heart sank.

"Sure you can," she attempted weakly. "You care about her, right?"

"I'm not strong enough to do it, Catherine." He sighed despondently. Cath shook her head in astonishment.

"So that's it? You're just going to give up on her." She asked incredulously. She'd hoped that if she could get them back together, Sara might consider forgiving her for her deceit; but she hadn't counted on Gil's reluctance to get her back. That, she'd assumed, would be the easy part.

"Catherine, we tried to have work and a relationship. And we messed it up. End of." If his final words weren't enough, the tone of his voice signified the end of the conversation and Catherine, taking the hint, stood up to leave. She got barely two steps towards the door before she turned back to him, anger flashing through her eyes.

"She was the best thing you ever had; I hope you know what you're giving up here." She informed him coolly. "And just so you know, you didn't mess anything up. I told Ecklie about you two."

Unlike with Sara, there was no long silence while the words registered. Grissom was out of his seat in a heartbeat, slamming his hands onto the desk.

"You did this?" He asked, blue eyes blazing. "I knew that you were jealous but I never thought you'd sink this low!"

"Gil…"

"You couldn't handle the fact that I was with her instead of you and you went running to Ecklie to ruin things. I can't believe you." His expression belayed his hurt at being betrayed by his best friend. "You knew it would split us up!"

"No, of course not! Why do you think I'm here?" she asked, throwing her hands up. "I came here to fix things between you two, to try and make amends. But apparently she doesn't even mean enough to you to fight for her." She spat. "She deserves more than you."

"Stop playing games, Catherine." He hissed. "I guess you got everything you wanted now, didn't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She blinked back angry tears, hurt by the accusation. "You think I wanted this? Sara won't even talk to me!"

"Good." He murmured. "You deserve it." She inhaled deeply, attempting to calm her nerves before she said something she'd regret.

"I panicked. You were talking about switching teams, I got scared." She responded as lucidly as she could without raising her voice.

"So that's what this is all about?" He pursed his lips. "Revenge, for threatening to split you up?"

"Not revenge…" she attempted to explain but he cut her off.

"And I bet you went running straight to Sara to tell her all about it. Is that why she won't answer my calls?"

"I didn't tell Sara anything about what you said." She assured him, ducking her gaze.

"No, you didn't." A soft voice drew their attention to the door.

They had no idea how long she had been stood there, but judging by the look of hurt that she wasn't even attempting to hide, it must have been a while.

"Sara…" Gil stepped towards her and she in turn took a deliberate step back, shaking her head slowly.

"I don't believe you." She mumbled. "Either of you."

"Sara, you don't understand." Cath jumped in, but Sara was having none of it. She moved away from them both until her back hit the wall.

"What else don't I know?" She asked angrily. "How long have you two been arguing over me behind my back?"

"We haven't…" Grissom swallowed. "We…"

"Is that what the last few weeks have been about?" Sara cut him off, turning on the blonde with an intense glare.

"No, it's not like that. You've got it all wrong." Catherine begged, reaching out to her beseechingly.

"Just … leave me alone." She whispered, fighting back tears as she stumbled out of the door.

She bustled past Nick on her way out, almost knocking him off his feet. His attempt to catch her failed and he was left to watch her run down the hallway wiping helplessly at her eyes.

With a frown, he turned back towards his supervisors. "What the hell's going on?" He asked, baffled.

"Nick, have you finished with your case yet?" Grissom enquired, ignoring the question.

"No." The Texan scowled. "Seriously, what's wrong with her?" When Gil didn't answer, he turned to the woman hiccupping back sobs. "Catherine?"

"Just … leave it Nicky." She murmured, brushing past him in pursuit of Sara.

Left alone, Nick faced off with Grissom, refusing to let him duck the question.

"Boss, what the hell's going on?" He asked firmly.

X x x

"What are you doing?"

Panic laced her voice as she came face to face with a sight she had been dreading.

Sara was clearing out her locker.

"I'm leaving." She mumbled, avoiding the blonde's gaze.

"You can't." It was stated like a fact; if Sara left Catherine wouldn't survive a month.

"I am." Sara retorted, slamming the locker shut without bothering to remove the photos she had tacked inside. As she turned to go, Catherine leapt forward and grabbed her arm, spinning her around.

"Wait, just sit down." She dragged her onto the bench, landing inelegantly beside her. "Just let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain." Sara insisted, tugging her arm free from Catherine's firm grip. "I'm sorry if I stood in your way, but you don't need to worry about that anymore. You and Grissom can do whatever the hell you want now."

Catherine frowned, struggling to follow Sara's train of thought.

"Sar, you don't understand. It's not like that at all." She began. "Grissom has nothing to do with this. Just let me explain, I promise you'll change your mind."

Sara stood up and stalked to the door, pausing in the threshold. She didn't turn around, but it was clear that she was on the verge of crying.

"Goodbye Cat." She mumbled softly.

"Sara, no…" Catherine cried helplessly to the empty room. "…Please don't leave me."

**x x x x**

**Okay, before you start shooting flames I would like to mention that we're only at the halfway point, so don't give up hope yet…**

**I'll try to get the next one up tomorrow night **

**KC x  
**


	19. Rose

**Okay, this one is slightly shorter than the rest but hopefully it'll be worth it ...**

**x x x x**

The sound of quiet crying drew his attention from the lab report he was engrossed in. He stopped in the hallway, scanning for the sound again.

"Hello?" He called softly, following the muted noise into a dark lab. "Sara?"

The brunette lifted her head slowly, wiping at her eyes.

"Hi Greg." She whispered dejectedly.

"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, but he didn't know what else to say. She shook her head glumly, fixing her gaze on a benign point on the wall. As he crept further into the room, inching closer to her, he noted the bag at her feet and his heart started to beat a little faster.

"You going somewhere?" He asked as casually as he could. She looked up, wiping feebly at her eyes.

"Honestly … I have no idea."

X x x

Catherine's thumb grazed over the little girl in the photo. Ordinarily she would feel bad about breaking into Sara's locker and helping herself to the pictures, but since Sara didn't appear to want them anymore she figured why not?

A tear landed on the photo and she wiped it away instantly. It was a little girl with dark hair sat on a beach, looking over her shoulder at the camera with a bright smile. There was no doubt in her mind that it was Sara – she would recognise that smile anywhere.

It was the same smile that sent a flutter through her heart.

X x x

"I don't know man, the way Sara took off out of there." Nick whistled.

"Sounds dodgy." Warrick hummed in agreement. "And neither of them would tell you what was going on?"

"No, not a word." He threw his hands up helplessly. "It's like some big conspiracy!"

"Well, Catherine has been a mess lately." Warrick pointed out. "I just wish we knew what it was all about."

"Well, whatever it is Sara and Grissom seem to know what's going on." Nick sulked. "What do you think it is?"

"Who knows?" Warrick groaned. "Where are they now?"

"Grissom's at a scene. Cath's been lurking in the locker room all night. I haven't seen Sara since she ran off." Nick released a sigh, shaking his head. "I hate to say it, but I think she might walk."

"No." Rick frowned. "You think?"

"Yeah, I do." Nicky nodded. "She was really upset: I've never seen her like that."

"Yeah, but … Sara? This place is her life." The dark-skinned man insisted, though Nick still looked doubtful.

"Maybe." He hummed uncertainly.

X x x

Catherine heard her approach but didn't move from her spot wrapped in a towel on the floor of the shower room. She had thought a shower might help calm her nerves, but it hadn't even made a dent in them. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, but that couldn't shield her from the cold infiltrating her body.

Sara paused in the doorway and gave her a once over, before choosing to ignore her state of undress. With a determined sigh she strolled into the room.

"You're still here." Catherine commented softly, toying with a loose thread on the towel. "That's a good sign."

"I've been talking to Greg." Sara answered, dropping onto the bench.

"Has he convinced you to stay?" Cath asked hopefully, lifting her head slightly. If anyone could, it would be him. Sara shrugged, even though the blonde had her back to her.

"Not yet." She answered cryptically. It wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no either and that gave Catherine hope.

"So, what are you doing here?" She asked softly.

"With all do respect, I could ask you the same thing." Sara retorted. Cath dropped her head onto her knees despondently, unable to offer an answer. "I was waiting for you to get dressed so I could talk to you, but since you don't appear to be making an effort…" Sara explained at last, gesturing absently to the towel she was encased in.

"Talk to me about what?" Cath asked eagerly, casting a glance over her shoulder. Sara rolled her eyes.

"Are you going to get dressed any time today?" She queried impatiently.

The older woman snaked a hand out and grabbed her clothes off the bench. Sara politely turned her back, affording her some privacy.

"I wanted to know why." She mumbled at last. Catherine looked up, a puzzled expression clouding her sad features. "You said you could convince me to stay. Tell me why." The younger CSI elaborated after a long moment of silence.

Catherine, finally somewhat covered, wandered around the bench so she was facing her.

"Sara, I can't tell you what Grissom wants. I don't think anyone could. But the rest of us want you to stay, doesn't that count for anything?"

"Of course, but that's not…"

"Then stay, you don't have to go. Please." Catherine cut her off, grabbing her arms pleadingly. Sara pulled out of her grip and shook her head.

"You kept saying I was wrong. What was I wrong about?" She changed tack, hoping it might get her a straight answer. A part of her wanted to leave, to just walk away and never look back. But she couldn't; not until she got a proper explanation for such a cruel betrayal. Catherine swallowed, blinking back tears.

"You thought I was jealous of you." She stated softly, receiving a frown and a silent nod in response. "Well, you were half way there. I was … am jealous. But not of you, honey."

"What are you talking about?" Sara shook her head, confusion and irritation written across her face. To her surprise, Catherine laughed.

"You're a smart girl, you know that?" She chuckled affectionately. "It's one of the things I love about you. But you can be surprisingly dense when it comes to relationships." She wandered into the locker room, leaving Sara to watch her go with a scowl. She finally found her ability to move and stalked out in pursuit.

"What do you mean?"

Catherine shut her locker, leant her back against it and smiled.

"I wasn't jealous of you. I was jealous of Gil … because he had you."

Sara blinked at her.

With slow and measured movements Catherine pushed herself away from the metal doors, ambling towards her. She placed both hands gently on her sides and captured the stunned woman in a tender kiss.

"Stay." She whispered against Sara's lips. "For me."


	20. Gold

**Sorry for the long gap between posts; I had some exams to contend with but they're over now so I can get back to regular updates. **

**Thanks for being so patient And hopefully this chapter will make up for the wait**

**x x x x**

Catherine breathed out heavily, shaking her strawberry-blonde curls loose from the ponytail they were encased in.

The house was quiet. Too quiet.

As she made her way into the lounge she found her mother stretched across the couch with a magazine, basking in the morning sun. Her hair looked so much redder in the light and her cheeks were pink with sunburn. Catherine wondered how long they'd been that way; she couldn't remember how long it had been since she had properly looked at her.

"Hey mom." She greeted softly as she approached.

"Catherine." Lily replied coolly, not tearing her gaze from the page. "How was work?"

"Oh, fine." She lied with a shrug. "The usual."

On the contrary, tonight's shift had been anything but usual.

After surprising both herself and Sara with a kiss, she had frozen up. All she could do was watch as Sara turned and walked stiffly out of the room. After that, there hadn't seemed much point in sticking around so she had ducked out early. There was no point in telling Grissom, he wouldn't care anyway.

"You're early." Lily pointed out, reading her mind. She almost managing to sound pleased.

"Yeah," Cath unclipped her weapon from her belt and joined her mother on the couch. "It was quiet, so I thought I may as well come home." She sniffed. "How's Lindsey?"

"Not up yet." For the first time, Lily lifted her gaze to meet her daughter's. There was a distinct caution behind the older woman's eyes. "Are you going to be in for breakfast?"

"Yeah, of course." Cath frowned at the insinuation that she might be going out again at this hour. Lily pushed herself off the sofa.

"Good, I'll make some coffee."

Catherine watched her bustling around the kitchen setting up for breakfast, all the while with one eye on the clock. Finally, impatience got the better of her and she slipped upstairs.

Lindsey's door was open a crack. She hadn't slept like that since she was a child, but lately Catherine had insisted on it … ever since her little breakout escapade.

The girl was still asleep, curled on her side with one hand tucked under the pillow. Catherine perched carefully on the edge of the bed and brushed her soft blonde hair aside tenderly.

"I love you so much." She whispered.

Lindsey snuffled and curled up into a tighter ball. She looked so cute, Catherine could cry. Reluctantly, she shook her daughter gently by the shoulder.

"Hey, wake up baby." She said softly, waiting for the usual grunt of dissent at being stirred.

"Mom?" Lindsey grumbled, blinking her eyes open.

"Hey honey," Cath smiled. "Time to get up." Slowly, Lindsey pushed herself into a seated position and rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"What time is it?" She mumbled.

"Breakfast time." Cath pressed a kiss to her forehead and stood up. "Come on down in a few minutes. Grandma's making pancakes."

Lindsey watched her mother disappear into the hall with a puzzled frown. She was never home in time for breakfast.

X x x

"So, what are you doing at school today?" Cath asked cheerfully, receiving little more than a shrug in response.

"Usual stuff." Was Lindsey's eloquent response.

"Are you ready for your maths test? That's this week right?"

"Friday."

Catherine nodded slowly. "Maybe we could go over them tonight, help you revise?" Her attempts to keep the conversation going were falling flat and everybody knew it.

After a long period of silence, Lily spoke up.

"Have you spoken to your sister yet?" She asked, eyeing Catherine carefully.

"No, I haven't had time." Cath answered, pushing her food around her plate. "I'll call her today."

"She's still upset with you." Lily warned. "What have you done?"

"Yeah, I know." Cat breathed out, blatantly ignoring the question. Feeling awkward under the older woman's gaze, she turned back to her child. "Hey, why don't you and I go to the mall this weekend?" She offered with a grin.

"Sure, okay." Lindsey shrugged ambivalently. Catherine's expression fell at the lack of enthusiasm, but at least it was a positive answer.

"Great." She mumbled weakly.

Lily rolled her eyes as she began collecting the dishes up. Catherine pushed herself away from the table to help her wash up, having lost her appetite anyway, but a distinctive sound caught her attention.

If she was not mistaken, that was the roar of a motorbike.

And there was only one person she knew who rode a motorbike.

"Excuse me for a minute," she said, practically sprinting out of the room. Her family watched her dash off with a frown.

"Honestly," Lily tutted sarcastically, leaning down conspiratorially towards Lindsey. "She sails in for food and runs away at the first sign of cleaning." Lindsey laughed gleefully at the joke, drawing a smile from her grandmother.

X x x

Catherine threw open the front door in time to see Sara climbing off her bike. She resisted the urge to skip down the driveway, opting instead for a casual stroll.

"Hi." She greeted, shielding her eyes against the sun. "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I wasn't expecting to end up here." Sara answered honestly, shaking her hair out. "But, here I am." Catherine smiled.

"Would you like to come in? We just had breakfast, but I can make you something to eat if you like…"

"No thanks." Sara declined politely. "I was wondering if we could talk later; maybe go out for lunch or something?"

The way she phrased it, it almost sounded like a date.

"Yeah, absolutely." Catherine nodded eagerly. "I'm taking Lindsey to school in about half an hour; I could meet you after that?"

"Sure." Sara nodded. "Um, the mall?" She suggested, scanning her brain for suitable public places to have this conversation. The mall was busy but central enough that they could move on from there if the need for more privacy arose.

"Yeah, sounds great." Catherine agreed, already trying to decide what she was going to wear. "I'll be there at 9."

As Sara disappeared back up the road in a cloud of dust, Catherine released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She had no idea how long she remained there, staring into space, but something suddenly made her snap out of her reverie. She glanced at her watch and her eyes widened.

"Lindsey!" She hollered, running back up the steps to the house. "Hurry up and get ready, we need to go!"

And she needed to change.

X x x

"Is there anything you like to look for in the mall at the weekend?" She asked, drumming her fingertips on the steering wheel nervously.

"No." Lindsey shrugged, gaze glued to her phone screen. Cath rolled her eyes. She couldn't wait ten more minutes to talk to her friends.

"Well, I'm sure we can find something." She chirped. "It can be a reward for your maths test." She added, hoping a change of topic might get her an answer.

"If I pass." Lindsey muttered. Cath tore her eyes briefly from the road to frown at her.

"Don't you think you will?" She asked, receiving nothing more than another shrug. Cath pursed her lips in thought. "You know, Sara's good at maths." She said casually. "If you're struggling I'm sure she'd be happy to help you."

For the first time since they left the house, Lindsey looked up.

"Really?" She was trying not to sound enthusiastic, but there was a hint of excitement in her voice as the prospect. Catherine smiled to herself.

"Sure, she'd love to."

It struck her that if this meeting with Sara didn't go well, it might not be such a good idea to get Lindsey's hopes up; but it was probably a moot point anyway because Lindsey had turned her attention back to her phone.

As she eased the car into a space outside the school, Lindsey reached onto the backseat and grabbed her bag.

"I'll pick you up at 3.30." Cath promised.

"I've got cheerleading." Lindsey snapped, throwing the door open. Catherine winced. She knew that.

"Okay, well have a good day honey." She called after the little blonde, flinching at the sound of the car door slamming. She inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I will mom, you too." She muttered under her breath. Casting a glance into the rearview mirror, she caught a glimpse of Lindsey's lunch sat on the backseat.

She briefly considered running after her with it, but the potential argument that it could cause stopped her. Besides, there was every chance she'd left it on purpose.

Anyway, she didn't have time to worry about Lindsey's hormonal mood swings right now; she had a social call with a certain brunette.

En route to the mall, she recapped their conversation on the driveway. Something about Sara's demeanour unsettled her.

She hadn't been upset, or angry. Or happy. She had just been … calm.

Like she'd come to a decision on something.

X x x

Finding Sara had been easy.

Talking to her was the difficult bit.

They had been walking around the mall in silence for nearly fifteen minutes. It was unusually quiet, which was not helping the uncomfortable atmosphere between the two women.

"How's therapy going?" Sara asked, startling Catherine.

"I haven't been in a while." The blonde answered honestly. Sara looked up, scanning her face for a moment.

"You should go back, it helps." She replied softly. Catherine stopped walking and met her gaze.

"You didn't bring me here to talk about my counselling." She pointed out. Sara breathed in and straightened up, gearing herself up.

"I kind of did." She corrected. "I've been thinking about what happened at work tonight, and … I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"I don't want that either." Catherine jumped in eagerly. "Sar, I know that you're not interested in me – I never expected you to want a relationship. I just wanted your friendship." She was vaguely aware of how desperate she must sound but she didn't really care.

Sara held her hands up, stopping her rambling.

"I've got enough problems of my own Catherine; I don't need anyone else's as well." She explained gently, leading them over to a bench in the middle of the mall. Catherine dropped down beside her and began running her thumb nail along the seam of her jeans to avoid eye contact. "And I know that I am the last person in the world who should be advocating therapy. But, if you're willing to keep working at your problems then maybe …"

"Maybe?" Cath pressed when she trailed off, risking a glance at her face.

"Well, maybe we could work something out." Sara offered with a hint of a weak smile. Cath chewed her lip nervously.

"Would you come with me?" she asked in a vulnerable voice. Sara blinked at her, taken aback by the question.

"What?"

"Just for one session, at least." Cath added hurriedly. "Just so I can get back into it."

Sara seemed to consider the question for so long that Catherine began to think she'd not heard it, when finally she answered.

"Okay." She nodded slowly. "If you agree to go back to therapy, I'll come with you."

They lapsed into silence again, each considering the potential repercussions of what they had just decided upon.

Catherine flicked her eyes up, scrutinising Sara from beneath her lashes.

"When you said we could work something out … did you mean just as friends, or…" She asked nervously. Sara looked up slowly, pursing her lips.

"That's a long way off, Cat." She answered cryptically. "You have a lot of stuff to deal with before you can think about that."

"But," Catherine interrupted, trying and failing to keep the hope out of her voice. "You're not saying no…"

"No." Sara agreed quietly. "I'm not saying no."


	21. Sunburst

**I may make some minor alterations to this one, I'm not entirely happy with it. But I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer, so I hope you enjoy**

**x x x x**

Catherine could sense Sara twitching beside her.

"You okay?" She asked softly, resisting the urge to reach out and take her hand.

"Yeah. I just have a lot of bad memories from places like this." Sara confessed, feeling a chill up her spine as some of those memories began to resurface. Guilt suddenly clouded Catherine's expression.

"I'm sorry." She breathed. "I never thought; I shouldn't have brought you here."

"It's okay I'll be fine." Sara cleared her throat, trying to project a confidence in her voice that wasn't there.

"You don't have to do this you know, you can leave." Cath offered, but Sara shook her head definitively.

"No. I promised I was going to help you. If you can get through this then so can I." She insisted firmly.

Catherine lips turned into a weak smile. "I can't believe how understanding you're being." She mumbled, averting her gaze. "After everything I've done, I thought you'd never speak to me again."

"You haven't done anything wrong." Sara assured her gently.

"What about telling Ecklie about you and …" She trailed off, suddenly realising that now might not have been the best time to bring that up. To her surprise, Sara choked out a dry laugh.

"Well, that might not have been your shining hour." She admitted. "But you're not entirely to blame either." Catherine sent her a curious look. "Cat, I think we all underestimated how much you were struggling. We should have realised sooner that you weren't handling things."

Catherine opened her mouth to speak, to alleviate her guilt, but the cheery receptionist beat her to the punch.

"Miss Willows," she chirruped. "You can go in now."

X x x

"Catherine." Dr Capa greeted warmly. "I'm glad you decided to come back." His gaze drifted past her, to where a tall dark-haired woman was fidgeting nervously in the doorway, casting her dark eyes frantically around his haphazard office; as if she were searching for intruders. Or an escape route. Catherine noticed his distraction and suddenly appeared to remember the woman was there. She reached behind her and gripped the brunette's hand, tugging her into the room. It was difficult to tell who looked more nervous right now.

"This is Sara … I asked her to come along today." Catherine introduced in a shaky voice. Sara offered a small smile, obviously doing her best to ignore the startled look the counsellor was giving her.

"Right, well, nice to meet you." He nodded as professionally as he could, gesturing robotically to the couch. "Shall we begin?"

As they settled themselves on the sofa, he looked down at his notes despondently. He had genuinely been pleased when Catherine had booked another appointment, but he hadn't planned for this eventuality. Tossing his notebook aside, he decided to just play this one by ear.

"Alright, what did you want to talk about?" He asked. It would be easier if she got the ball rolling today.

As she began detailing her reasons for coming back, namely the person sat beside, he studied her body language. She had released Sara's hand and her own were pinned between her legs, as if she was trying to stop them from straying. And yet she seemed to be almost leaning towards her colleague, as if she was drawn to her.

Sara, for her part, was doing her best to look sympathetic and understanding while she was clearly very uncomfortable by the situation, or the location. Possibly both. He would guess by her mannerisms that she had spent a lot of time in offices like this one.

As he'd been taking note of their demeanour, he hadn't noticed that Catherine had stopped talking. She was staring out of the small window, watching the world go by.

"Nancy's fallen out with me." She sulked after a long period of silence. Dr Capa frowned, scanning his memory.

"Your sister?" He clarified. "How come?"

"Because…" Catherine paused and blushed. "Because she found out about my feelings for Sara." She mumbled quietly.

"And I take it she didn't handle it so well?" He asked with a frown, casting his gaze briefly to Sara's face. That didn't sound like the sister she'd described in previous sessions.

"She thinks I'm 'acting out'. The pills, the bad mood, and now this; she seems to think it's all an act for attention."

"Catherine, only you know how you feel." He pointed out, leaning forwards and resting his hands on his knees. "Do you think she has a point?"

Catherine flicked her eyes nervously towards Sara, fidgeting on the spot.

"Catherine?" He pressed gently when the blonde didn't answer.

"Sorry, it's just harder than I expected to do this." She mumbled, gesturing weakly to Sara. The brunette caught Dr Capa's eyes and nodded towards the door with a raised eyebrow.

"Would you like Sara to leave?" He asked, understanding the younger woman's silent question.

Catherine instantly answered in the negative, grabbing Sara's hand instinctively to stop her from leaving. She wiped at her eyes, attempting to be subtle.

"It's just … I haven't exactly told Sara everything." She admitted tearfully. "It's hard to talk openly now."

"It's okay, Cat." Sara promised her gently. The girl's use of a nickname did not go unnoticed by the shrink, but he let it pass unmentioned and nodded for 'Cat' to continue.

"I have been fighting these feelings for four years - I kept them hidden, buried so far beneath the surface that at times I forgot they were even there. And now, they're out in the open and I can't deny them anymore." She took a moment to regroup her thoughts. "I always thought that as long as I ignored them, I could live with it. I can't ignore it anymore, I have to face them and that scares me more than the world.

"What scares you Catherine?" Dr Capa asked, darting his gaze between her and Sara, who was staring at Catherine with wide, startled eyes.

"Everything." She shrugged. "The fact that I have to deal with this now. I don't know how to deal with it."

"The same way we deal with everything, Catherine." He assured her. "One day at a time."

X x x

He was glad she'd come back. She was one patient that he was desperate to get back on track.

He watched with interest as Sara helped Catherine put her jacket on and moved her hair aside tenderly.

"Sara," he called, interrupting the touching moment between the two. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

The brunette had been expecting this; she followed him across the room to stand near his desk, out of earshot of Catherine, who remained alone by the door like a lost puppy.

"I'm glad you came with her today; your support is imperative to her getting better." He began quietly, casting frequent glances back at his patient, who continued to watch them with suspicious eyes.

"I care about her." Sara answered honestly.

"I can see that." He nodded. "But it's important not to let her get her hopes up. Pacifying her with what she wants to hear won't help her."

"I would never lie to her." Sara declared with a frown. He softened his voice, realising how that must have sounded.

"Of course not, I'm sorry." He started again. "I don't know what your situation is with her, and it's none of my business. But she needs to know exactly where the cards lie if she's going to deal with this." He paused long enough to cast a final glance at Catherine. She remained where they left her, staring pitifully at Sara's back. "I'll leave it up to you to decide what you tell her and how. But if there is no chance of the two of you … you know, then it would be better to tell her sooner rather than later."

Sara chewed her bottom lip in thought for a moment.

"And if there is a chance?" She asked tentatively. Dr Capa smiled.

"Then she's in safe hands."

X x x

"What the hell was with that receptionist?" Sara asked, taking a sip of her wine.

The session had gone on for longer than anticipated and both had been hungry when they'd left so Sara had extended an offer of dinner; one which Catherine gladly accepted.

It was still early by Vegas standards, so the restaurant was blissfully quiet.

"I know," Cath agreed, rolling her eyes. "I swear these places do it on purpose: they hire the happiest people they can find just to rub it in."

"Or," Sara drawled, "She's been taking freebies from work. Sampling the happy pills."

Catherine giggled.

"Maybe she had a bottle of vino stashed under that giant desk of hers." The blonde added gleefully, holding up her own glass before taking a mouthful.

As their laughter died down, they fell into a comfortable silence.

"Thank you for coming with me today." Catherine said at last. "You don't know how much it meant to me."

"Anytime." Sara mumbled modestly. "It was … hard. Listening to everything that's been going on."

"I'm sorry, I know it was probably asking too much of you."

"No, not that. Just … I can't believe how long we missed the signs for." Sara shook her head. "This has been going on for years and we never noticed."

"I'm good at hiding things." Cath shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm a private person."

"Obviously." Sara agreed softly. "Four years is a long time to keep quiet though. I mean … I thought it was just a crush, you know? I didn't realise it was…"

"Yeah." Cath breathed, cutting her off. "Well, that was kind of my idea. You weren't meant to find out."

"I wish you'd said something sooner." Sara mumbled softly. "Maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad for you."

Unable to think of anything to say, Catherine reached across the table and gripped her hand. To her relief Sara didn't pull back, but squeezed her fingers gently.

"Uh hum." They both looked up to find the waiter hovering over them awkwardly. Reluctantly, they retracted their hands and gave their orders.

After tediously going through the entire specials board, he finally left, leaving behind him an atmosphere of discomfort and awkwardness.

"Well, I never thought I'd be able to say I was on a date with Sara Sidle." Catherine joked, attempting to break the ice. Sara laughed nervously.

"Don't get to ahead of yourself." She warned gently. "Remember what Dr Capa said, you need to slow down."

"I know." Cath rolled her eyes. "I never thought I'd see the day you were quoting a shrink, either."

This time Sara's laugh was genuine.

"Well, I've seen enough of them to recognise the good ones. He knows what he's talking about."

"Speaking of," Catherine said slyly. "What were you two whispering about before we left?"

"What do you think?" Sara asked, gnawing on a breadstick. "You."

Catherine frowned.

"I figured that much, smart ass." She growled. "What about me?"

"Can't tell you. Secret." Sara answered playfully, greatly enjoying Catherine's growing frustration.

"Sara." She whined. "What happened to patient-doctor confidentiality?"

"Relax, it was nothing like that." Sara assured her. "If you really want to know, he was asking how I felt about you."

"And?" Catherine pressed, leaning forward in anticipation. "How do you feel about me?"

X x x

Sara pulled up the drive and killed the engine. There were still a couple of hours before work so they both had time to shower and change.

"Thank you, for … everything." Cath breathed.

"You're welcome." Sara replied, keeping her gaze low. After a whole minute of silence, she climbed out of the car and walked around to open her colleague's door.

Their goodbye was short and blunt, seeing as they would be working together in a matter of hours.

Catherine sloped up the steps, rummaging for her keys as she went. She could feel Sara's eyes watching, burning into her back.

The brunette remained leaning against the car. She debated just leaving things as they were, but something about Cath's mood didn't sit right with her. Ever since their food had arrived, cutting off their conversation, she seemed to have fallen into a brooding depression of sorts.

"Hey Catherine," she called after her. Cath paused, one hand on the door handle.

"Yeah?" She asked hopefully. Sara jogged up the steps, coming to a halt so close that they were almost touching. She paused, licking her lips. For a second Cath thought she was going to kiss her.

"Thank you for trusting me today. I know it can't have been easy." Sara reached out and lay a hand on Cath's bare arm for just a moment. "You're going to be okay."

And then, to her surprise, Sara pulled her into a hug. Catherine sank into the embrace, feeling her whole body relax.

"Thank you." She whispered against Sara's ear, taking the opportunity to inhale the scent of her perfume.

As they pulled apart, she felt Sara's lips graze her cheek.

"I'll see you at work." The younger woman whispered, finally releasing her. She barely got to the bottom of the steps when she turned and flashed a bright smile. "In case you're still wondering, I feel the same way about you that I always have."

Catherine watched her go with a dazed smile, not quite sure what had happened but knowing that it was good.

X x x

Lindsey was halfway upstairs, already in her pyjamas and ready for bed when she finally made it through the door.

"Hey baby." Cath greeted, dropping her keys on the table by the door and moving to the bottom of the staircase. "How did the test go?"

"Alright I think." Lindsey shrugged. "Are we still going to the mall tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure." Catherine grinned, perching on the stairs. "I was thinking maybe we could go out for breakfast first?"

"Okay." Linds nodded tiredly, already continuing upstairs. She paused at the top, casting a glance over her shoulder. "Is Sara coming tomorrow?"

The question caught Catherine off guard. She opened her mouth and stuttered the first thing in her head.

"Do you want her to?"

For the first time in weeks, there was a hint of a smile on Lindsey's face. "Yeah, she's cool."

Catherine watched her disappear into her room with a baffled smile. At last, a breakthrough.

Now all she had to do was convince Sara to come shopping.


	22. Crimson

The sun had come out for them again, beaming down as they made their way into the mall.

And with the sun, came heat. Which apparently sparked Sara into wearing very little clothing. Not that Catherine was complaining of course.

It had actually taken less convincing than she'd anticipated to bring Sara along. She just hoped that the brunette had actually wanted to spend time with them both, as opposed to only coming for Lindsey's sake.

Although it seems her fears were unfounded as her crush wandered happily alongside the teenage girl, chatting idly about school and other menial matters. Cath had started to hang back slightly, giving her the opportunity to just watch their rapport.

Still deep in conversation with Linds, Sara cast a casual glance over her shoulder.

"You okay?" She frowned, suddenly noticing the distance Cath was keeping between them. Catherine grinned.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Actually she was better than fine. Her daughter was smiling for the first time in weeks. And Sara was wearing a pair of tight denim shorts and a very well-fitting tank-top. Catherine was more than happy right now.

"Mom, can we?" Lindsey interrupted her musings, pointing at a nearby Dairy Queen.

"Sure." Cath smiled, sharing a laugh with Sara as Lindsey bulleted into the store ahead of them. Still just a little girl where ice cream was concerned.

As the child debated her choice, Catherine and Sara found a table where they continued talking in a low voice.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sara repeated softly.

"I'm fine." Cath promised her. "In fact I'm great." Their gazes fell simultaneously onto Lindsey, who was chatting happily with the cute boy behind the counter as she gave her order. Cath sighed. "How do you do it?"

"What?" Sara frowned at her, perplexed.

"You manage to get her to open up without sounding like you're criticising her. You make her laugh." Cath listed exasperatedly. "You don't even have kids!" She paused, sending Sara a sly look. "Do you?"

"No!" Sara laughed. "But I remember what it was like being one."

Cath smiled, shaking her head in loss.

"You're amazing, you know that?" She mumbled bashfully. Sara's cheeks turned pink at the compliment. Feeling the atmosphere suddenly get thick between them, Catherine cleared her throat and changed the subject. "So, TeenageWhisperer. Any tips?" She asked light-heartedly, flicking her strawberry blonde curls over her shoulder nonchalantly.

Sara pursed her lips. "Psychology Cat." She grinned. "You have to give her some control over her decisions, but make sure she knows the limits."

Lindsey's timely arrival at the table ended the conversation and brought with it an unexpected silence. Analysing Sara's advice, Catherine turned to her daughter with a lazy smile.

"So, where would you like to go next?" Lindsey cocked her head in thought.

"There's a new clothes store?" She suggested. Cath hummed, sharing a look with Sara.

"Alright, sounds like a plan." She nodded, stealing a spoonful of Lindsey's ice-cream with a cheeky grin.

X x x x

They barely got through the front door before Lindsey took off upstairs at break-neck speed.

"I'm going to try my clothes on." She called behind her. She paused at the top of the stairs and turned, flashing her mother a bright smile. "I'm going to take them to Sophie's tonight to show her." She beamed, dashing off to her room to pack an overnight bag for her impending sleepover.

Catherine chuckled merrily, wandering into the living room. The front door had been unlocked, so she wasn't particularly surprised to find her mother in the house. She was, however, dismayed to see her sister sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee and a stern expression.

Her face fell, her jovial smile swept away by a scowl. "What are you doing here?"

"Catherine?" Lily chastised, surprised by her eldest daughter's sudden rudeness.

"I came to talk." Nancy answered, pushing herself off the couch. "You've been ignoring my calls."

"I don't want to talk to you." Cath fidgeted, scuffing her shoes on the hardwood floor.

"What's going on between you two?" Lily asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"Nothing." Cath mumbled.

"Oh, enough with the puppy dog eyes Catherine!" Nancy spat. "Why don't you just tell her?"

"Uh hum." Lily cleared her throat loudly, getting their attention back. "Tell me what?"

Catherine's heart was pounding so hard in her chest she could practically hear it. She could feel her skin reddening as her blood ran hot through her body. Her blue eyes scrunched closed as she willed the ground to swallow her whole.

"Catherine has a crush on Sara Sidle." And there it was. The moment she had been dreading for four years.

She never thought she'd be outed by her baby sister.

"Bitch." She muttered under her breath. Nancy's eyes flashed to hers.

"Well you weren't planning on telling her!" She barked, throwing her arms out frantically.

"So that gives _you_ the right to?" Cath retorted angrily, tears springing to her blue eyes.

"Alright!" Lily held her hands up, silencing them both like only a mother can. "Nancy, I think it's time you left."

"Mom…" The nurse whined, but one look from her mom and she snapped her mouth shut. "Fine." She huffed, grabbing her bag from the couch and stropping past her big sister. She paused, on the verge of saying something, but decided better of it.

The front door slammed shut behind her, leaving a wave of awkward tension to wash over them.

"So, is it true?" Lily asked after a moment. Catherine felt her whole body flush. A painful silence hung between them as she searched desperately for words. "Catherine," Lily called softly, avoiding her gaze. "If you have something you want to tell me, now would be a good time."

"If it were true, would it be a problem?" she managed to stutter out around the lump in her throat.

"No, I suppose not." Lily answered softly. She still had yet to meet her daughter's eyes. Catherine nodded slowly.

"Then yeah, it's true." Her voice was weak, barely even audible to herself.

The words seemed to float between them for a moment.

"Alright then." Lily answered. "I just never knew." She wandered onto the back deck, leaving Catherine alone in the middle of the lounge. Right now, she couldn't decide how that conversation had gone.

X x x

She waited for a few minutes, maybe even half an hour. She'd lost count. She paced around the living room, cleaned up, washed the dishes and got her things ready for work.

Her mother was still on the deck, staring pensively across the garden.

With a reluctant sigh, Catherine slid the door open and followed her out. Lily didn't shift her gaze, but she tensed slightly, alluding to her knowledge of Cath's presence beside her.

"Are we okay?" The younger woman asked tentatively. Finally, Lily turned to face her. She was instantly struck by how young and vulnerable her daughter looked right now. She hadn't seen her like this since she was sixteen and Lily had found a pregnancy test in her bedroom.

"Cathy," she sighed, shaking her head. "You're my girl. I'll love you regardless of who you are." She reached up and wiped a lone tear from Catherine's cheek.

Their tender moment was cut short by a puzzled voice from the backdoor.

"Mom?" Lindsey asked. "What's wrong?"

Cath turned to her child, blinking back any further tears.

"Everything's fine baby." She assured her. "Have you decided which clothes you're taking to Sophie's?"

Lindsey nodded slowly, still not convinced by the false smiles facing her.

"What's for dinner?" she asked, deciding not to push the issue.

"Uh, I don't know." Cath stuttered. "Why don't you show Nana you're new clothes while I found something to make?"

They disappeared upstairs, leaving Cath alone to contemplate what had just happened.

X x x

"Hey Judy." She breezed past the front desk. "Is Sara in yet?"

If she'd stopped long enough to notice, she might have picked up on the receptionist's startled expression as she answered in the negative.

After dropping her things off at her office she wandered into the break room, where Nick and Greg were already hovering around the coffee pot.

"Hey guys, have you seen Sara?" she asked, drifting into the room with a lazy smile. The boys gave her a somewhat panicked glance.

"Uh, you haven't heard?" Nick asked uncertainly. She frowned, shaking her head.

"Heard what?"

"Catherine…" Nick started tentatively, sharing a scared look with Greg. Everyone knew how protective she could get of the brunette – it was never enviable to be the one to break bad news to her. "Sara got called in to help out swing shift."

"And..?" Cath pressed, waving her hands expectantly. She sensed that she wasn't going to like what was coming.

"And there was a little incident." He continued cautiously. "She's fine I promise; it was just a small bang to the head."

"Where is she?" Cath demanded, not giving him chance to continue.

"They took her to Desert Palm, just as a precaution…"

Catherine was already half-way out of the door despite his best efforts to call her back.

Greg breathed out slowly and Nick shook his head in confusion. This was going to be fun to explain to Grissom.


	23. Pink

**Sort of a fill-in chapter really, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. **

**x x x x**

Catherine burst through the swinging doors to the ER department.

"I'm looking for Sara Sidle." She breathed, falling into the reception desk, behind which a young woman blinked up at her in surprise.

"You'll have to wait a minute." She informed the blonde in a somewhat bored voice. Catherine fumbled for her ID, slamming in on the desk. The woman scanned it briefly, eventually nudging it back towards her and pointing in the general direction of the cubicles, leaving Catherine to guess which number she was looking for. She snatched her ID badge back and took off, dodging around the mass of startled doctors and nurses milling around the corridor.

She almost burst in on two other patients before whipping open the correct curtain.

"Oh, thank God." She gasped, bulleting to the bedside.

"Cath?" Sara asked, struggling to sit up. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were here, I was worried." Catherine answered in a rush of words, gasping to catch her breath back.

"She's fine." A cold voice informed her.

In her rush to Sara's side, she hadn't even noticed who was treating her. She tracked her gaze from the hand treating Sara's wound up to the owner of said-hand's face.

"Nancy." She mumbled, biting her lip bashfully. "I didn't think you were working tonight."

"I changed shifts." The nurse informed her as she continued her work, pausing only to flash her big sister the occasional glare. "I was wondering whether you'd be showing up."

"Is she alright?" Cath asked, choosing to ignore the comment.

"She'll be fine; we're just waiting for some scans back." Catherine nodded, turning her attention back to Sara, who was watching their interaction with a perplexed expression. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

"I'm fine, it was just an accident." Sara murmured, wincing as Nancy dabbed antiseptic on her wound. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Yeah," Cath laughed nervously. "When I heard you'd been brought here I came straight over." Her cheeks flamed pink as the rashness of her actions sank in. In retrospect, she probably should have listened to Nick before running out of the lab in a frenzy.

"You shouldn't have, I'm fine." Sara shrugged, unwittingly confirming her silent thoughts. She attempted to sit up in order to better see her friend but Nancy gently pressed on her chest, encouraging her to lay back down so she could start the stitches. She glowered at Catherine in warning.

"Maybe you should wait outside; I don't want you distressing her." She snapped impatiently.

"She's my friend." Cath said between gritted teeth.

"She's my patient." Nancy retorted. Sara was flicking her dark eyes between the two women.

"What's going on?" she asked weakly, sinking back into the pillow.

"Nothing honey," Cath assured her, perching on the edge of her bed so Sara could see her without having to sit up. And it didn't hurt that it would make it harder for Nancy to throw her out if she was already settled. The nurse rolled her eyes and began preparing to start the stitches. When Sara caught sight of the implement out of the corner of her eye, she instinctively leant away from her touch.

Catherine spotted the movement and gripped her shoulders, holding her still. Nancy frowned at the action, about to pass criticism until she noticed Sara's breathing calm down and her squirming stop. Swallowing her words, she inhaled deeply and continued tending to the cut.

"So, Miss Accident Prone," Cath continued, oblivious to her sister's scrutiny. "What did you do to yourself this time?"

Sara choked out a laugh. "It wasn't my fault. I got jumped."

"A suspect did this?" Cath frowned, tenderly rubbing circles on Sara's shoulders with the pad of her thumbs.

"No, actually." Sara pursed her lips. "Jamie Sanderson, from Swing … apparently he's a little gun shy." Catherine raised her eyebrows in confusion, silently requesting an explanation. "One of the uniforms dropped something and he thought it was a gunshot, so he launched himself down the stairs and …" she gestured to dent in her head.

Catherine leant closer so she could see it better; under the light she recognised the distinctive shape of a gun barrel.

"Lucky he didn't shoot you." Cath scowled, continuing her gentle massaging of Sara's skin. She searched Sara's eyes, needing some telltale confirmation that she truly was okay.

"You'll need to change the dressing twice a day." Nancy cut in, putting an end to their little staring bout. "Will you be alright doing that?"

"I'll take care of it." Catherine brushed the comment off, sending Sara a comforting smile.

"Of course you will." Nancy muttered flippantly. Sara frowned.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" She repeated, disliking being used as a pawn in their current spat.

"I'll chase up your scans in a minute." Nancy assured her, blatantly ignoring the question.

"I meant between you two." Sara clarified, trying to scowl without giving herself a headache. Before either Flynn women could answer, another nurse poked her head into the cubicle.

"Nancy, I need you." She barked, dashing off before she could argue.

"Damn it." She hissed, snapping her gloves off. "I'll find someone else to finish off that dressing for you." She softened her voice, touching Sara's shoulder.

"No rush." The brunette mumbled, waving her hand absently. It wasn't like she was going anywhere, after all.

"I can finish it." Cath hopped off the bed eagerly. Nancy glowered at her in response, earning her an exasperated shrug. "It's just a bandage Nance, I think I can manage."

"I'll find someone else." The nurse repeated sternly, stalking out of the cubicle and dragging the curtain shut behind her. Choosing to apply the powers of selective hearing, Catherine took her sister's vacated stool, helped herself to a pair of latex gloves and continued where the nurse left off, affixing the bandage carefully to the wound.

"Seriously Cat, what's going on?" Sara begged.

"She's mad at me because she thinks I'm seeking attention." Catherine answered, exhaling loudly.

"Oh." Sara didn't know what else to say, so she just lay as still as she could while her friend tended to her. Ever since she was a child, Sara had hated the feeling of latex gloves on her skin – it felt sterile, clinical. But underneath the latex this time was Catherine's touch, and that thought stirred a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"She'll get over it." Cath shrugged. "We've had worse fights."

"I never had a sister." Sara hummed. "I always wondered what it would be like."

"Trust me, you weren't missing much." Catherine joked. "Unless you like people stealing your clothes and breaking your toys."

Sara laughed.

"You haven't let that stuff go yet?" She asked teasingly. Catherine laughed.

"That was last week." She stuck her tongue out playfully. "Its part of having a sister. No matter how much you love her, you'll never forget what happened when you were five."

"But you do love her." Sara pointed out slyly. Cath dropped her hands, pulling off her gloves and sighed.

"Yeah, of course I do." As soon as the words left her mouth she pursed her lips, flicking her gaze up to Sara's. "Very clever smart ass." She pouted, smacking her lightly on the stomach. The brunette grinned.

"You need to make up with her." She said, swinging her legs off the bed and pushing herself steadily into a seated position. "You need support right now, not strife."

"Yeah, yeah." Cath rolled her eyes. "Are we done with the lecture, Dr Sidle?"

"I suppose." Sara smirked, running a hand through her hair. She winced as her palm brushed against her newly-dressed injury. "Can I go now?"

"No, Nancy said you had some results to come back."

"She does." The nurse stated, breezing back into the cubicle as if summoned by the mention of her name. She eyed Sara's dressing suspiciously. "I told you to leave that." She snapped at Catherine, testing the bandage carefully to make sure it was fixed correctly.

"Well?" Cath asked, trying to keep a straight face as she nudged her teasingly. "How did I do?"

"It'll do." She grunted. "Stay here, I'll find your results." She smiled at Sara, but grabbed Catherine's arm on her way out and tugged her into the hall. "You, please stop groping my patient."

Catherine scoffed. "Oh please, if I was groping her I would have hung a tie on the curtain." She said with a smirk. Apparently Nancy didn't see the funny side. "Why does this bother you so much?"

"I know you Cathy; this is just another passing fancy." The younger sibling rolled her eyes. "You'll get bored and move on and where's that going to leave her?"

"Nance, I'm not going to get bored…"

"She's lost her relationship, she risked her job, she's dedicated half her life to you in the last few weeks." Nancy listed. "You can't keep doing this to people, Catherine."

The older sister blinked at her, hurt overshadowing her features.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She barked. Nancy, aware that she was still at work, held up her hands defensively.

"Just leave it," she hissed. "I'm going to track down your 'friend's' scan results." She disappeared through the maze of pink uniforms and white coats, leaving Catherine alone in the corridor and suddenly aware that Sara was only on the other side of a very thin curtain.


	24. Cherry

**This chapter is dedicated to a special lady today … Happy Birthday Amy! x**

x x x x

"Hey," Catherine breathed, startling the boys out of their conversation.

"Hey, how's Sara?" Nick asked, eyeing the woman cautiously as she approached, flicking her blonde hair aside breezily.

"Oh, she's fine." Cath nodded, casting her gaze over the evidence spread out across the table. "I dropped her off at her apartment, she's sleeping it off. Grissom said you could use a hand."

"Yeah," Warrick exhaled, pointing to a mountain of unopened evidence bags. "This is the stuff we haven't got to yet.

"Alright." Cath grinned, snapping on a pair of gloves. "What have we got?"

They worked in companionable silence for a while, exchanging occasional small talk in-between scribbling notes and photographing exhibits.

"I bet you went for the bad boys, am I right?" Nick asked teasingly in the midst of one particularly reminiscent conversation. Catherine laughed, shaking her head.

"No, that was my sister's angle." She drawled. "I always went for the one who needed me."

"Really?" Warrick teased. "Is that why you took off out of here like a bat out of hell when you heard Sara was in hospital?" It did not escape his notice that her cheeks flushed bright pink as she struggled to find an answer.

Fortunately for her, Grissom decided that that was an opportune moment to poke his head into the room.

"Hey guys;" He said, barely even sparing them a glance. "Catherine, I need to borrow you." She nodded, eagerly following him out if for no reason other than to avoid having to endure further teasing at the hands of the boys.

As the sound of her heels clicking down the hall after the boss faded, Warrick let out a low whistle.

"Wow." He chuckled. "Who'd have thought it?"

"Thought what?" Nick asked obliviously. Warrick sent his thick-headed mate an exasperated look.

"Didn't you see that? As soon as I mentioned Sara's name, Catherine turned beetroot."

"So…" Nick pressed, furrowing his brow in an attempt to follow his friend's train of thought.

"So," Warrick sighed. "Isn't it obvious? Catherine has the hots for Sara!" He explained, trying to keep the glee out of his voice. Nick emitted a sceptical noise that came out as a cross between a snort and a laugh.

"Come on, think about it." Warrick continued in a hushed voice, casting furtive glances to make sure they were alone. "The weird mood swings, the secrecy between the girls and Grissom, haring out of here when Sara got taken to hospital."

"Yeah, but … no…" Nick pulled a face.

"I'm telling you, Cath's got it bad." Warrick grinned. "I can't believe we didn't notice this sooner."

"Got it bad for who?" Greg frowned, sailing into the room nose-deep in a folder. The boys shared a look.

"Greg," Nick said sweetly, sidling to his side. "Sara talks to you, right?"

X x x

Catherine fiddled with her necklace nervously while she waited for Sara to open the door. She rarely wore jewellery for work, but she had made a concerted effort to improve her appearance this morning before leaving the lab.

The whole drive over had been occupied by thoughts of Sara and what she was going to say when she arrived at the apartment. To her surprise, Warrick's comment had not really been bothering her. And in the privacy of her car, that fact started to bother her. Her colleague had an inkling about her feelings for another woman … that should bother her.

Growing impatient, she raised her hand to knock again when she heard a shuffle on the other side of the door and, after a moment, the turning of a latch. The door swung open to reveal a sleepy Sara, barely dressed in hot-pant shorts and a thin, practically see-through t-shirt.

"Hey, sorry did I wake you?" Cath asked, not all that sorry in truth. Sleepy Sara was decidedly cute.

"No, I was awake." The brunette lied, stepping aside to let her in. Cath slid past her into the small apartment, purposefully letting her hand brush Sara's side as she did.

"How do you feel?" She asked, slipping her jacket off.

"I'm okay." Sara assured her, gesturing to the kitchen. "Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks, hun." Cath said, tugging her gently to the couch. Sara frowned at the unexpected pet name, but allowed herself to be dragged with no argument. Without bothering to ask permission, Cat began checking the dressing taped to her forehead. Judging by the patterned impressions in the bandage Sara had been sleeping on it so it can't have been causing her too much pain.

"It's fine." Sara repeated, attempting to pull away.

"I'll be the judge of that, madam." Cath insisted mock-sternly, pulling the bandage back to reveal the deep purple bruise beneath. "You made a nice mess of yourself, love." She commented.

"How are things with Nancy?" Sara asked, blatantly changing the subject. Catherine grunted in response, sticking the bandage back down.

"I can't seem to get through to her." She shook her head despondently. "A part of me has been wondering if she's right."

"And?" Sara queried softly, settling back against the cushions.

"And, I think it's the opposite." She breathed. At Sara's confused look, she offered a tight smile before dropping her gaze. "There was a time when all I cared about more than having fun was getting attention." She explained, tugging on her necklace again. "And a girl gets a lot of attention on a pole. But Jimmy changed all that." She swallowed, suddenly feeling bashful under Sara's compassionate gaze. "For the first time someone saw more than just a pretty face."

"Catherine," Sara called softly. "What exactly do you think I see when I look at you?"

Cath raised her gaze and shook her head, a frown clouding her features.

"I wouldn't know."

Sara laughed, a soft sweet sound. "You, Catherine Willows, are the most beautiful, most intelligent, fiercely strong person I've ever met."

Cath's lips spread into a shy grin. Tentatively, she leant forward. When Sara made no effort to move away she closed the distance, capturing her lips.

It started out as a slow kiss, cautious and timid. Gradually, as Catherine got more confident in her actions she took Sara's lower lip between her teeth. The brunette responded by darting her tongue out enticingly.

Just as Catherine was starting to lose herself in the kiss, she felt Sara's hands on her shoulders, stilling her ministrations. She pulled back and looked into her dark eyes, searching for an explanation.

"Sar, you okay?" She asked hopefully.

"Yeah, it's just…" the girl pursed her lips, searching for the words.

"Just?"

"I meant what I said. You need to take it slow." She rushed out at last, biting her lip. The last thing she wanted to do was upset her friend.

To her surprise, Catherine emitted a soft chuckle and began shaking her head slowly.

"Sara, I'm not going to break." She assured her, attempting to disguise the amusement in her voice.

"I know, I just don't want to rush you."

"You really want to help me?" Cath asked, inching closer on the couch and pressing her whole body against Sara's until their lips were inches apart; "show me how you feel about me."

There was a moment where neither moved, their breath intermingling between them. Catherine felt Sara's hands graze her hips. And that was all it took for her to pounce.

Sara fell back on the couch, pinned beneath the older woman as their tongues duelled for control of the kiss.

"Are you sure?" Sara gasped as Catherine's lips moved down her jaw to her neck, where she sucked the sensitive skin between her teeth.

"Sara, baby, I've never been more sure of anything."

Somehow they managed to stumble from the couch to the bedroom, losing most of their clothes in the process.

Catherine knotted her hands into Sara's hair, encouraging her down her body to where she needed her most. Despite her whimpered pleas, Sara's movements were painfully slow, taking her chance to get to know every inch of the blonde.

As Catherine's breath started to hitch she clenched her fingers, wrapping Sara's curls around them to prevent her from moving. Before she lost her ability to speak all together she managed to utter three last words, whispered in ecstasy amongst her moans.

X x x

When Sara first woke up five hours later she was aware of two things:

She was naked; and

She was alone.

She hauled herself to a seated position, scanning her bedroom through bleary eyes.

"Hey there darlin'." A smooth voice crooned from the doorway. Sara blinked, a smile spreading across her lips. Catherine was dripping wet, wrapped only in a towel with her golden-red hair twisting over her shoulder in gentle waves.

"Hi." She finally managed to stutter out once she found her tongue. Catherine grinned at her, glad to have elicited a reaction from her new girlfriend. She dragged her blue eyes over the woman slowly, biting her lip to clamp down on her surging libido.

"You might want to consider wearing a scarf to work today." She suggested in an amused voice, tapping her neck. Sara's hand flew to her own throat, covering the distinctive red mark.

"Right. Thanks for that." She hummed sarcastically. Catherine grinned and moved around the bed to peck her lips.

"You're welcome, sweetheart." She chirped.

"You're in a good mood." Sara commented, wrapping the covers around her as she shuffled off the bed.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Catherine asked, clipping her bra on and allowing the towel to drop to her waist. Sara's arms snaked around her bare stomach, pulling her close from behind. Cath hummed at the contact, throwing her head back against the woman's shoulder. "Last night I got to do something that I have waited four years to do." She turned in Sara's arms and kissed her again. "Twice."

She reluctantly slithered out of the embrace and continued getting dressed.

"We could make it a threesome." Sara offered, earning her a startled look from Cath. Her expression morphed into a confused frown as she analysed what she had just said. "Wait, that didn't come out right."

Catherine laughed heartily, shaking her head.

"No, it didn't." She agreed. "But I know what you meant."

"And yet you're still putting clothes on." Sara commented, dropping back onto the bed with a pout. Cath turned to her with a mock-stern expression.

"I have to pick Lindsey up." She said. "But if you're free tonight, maybe I could fit you in before work."

"Oh, you're so romantic, Miss Willows." Sara joked.

"It's one of my best features, Miss Sidle." Cath retorted. They shared a giggle.

"I already found your best features last night." Sara added, swallowing a snigger at the colour Catherine's cheeks were turning.

"You," Cath swatted her hips with the towel, "are going to get me in trouble one day, woman."

"What can I say?" Sara shrugged with a playful grin and a sashay of her hips as she headed towards the bathroom. "It's my best feature."

Catherine chuckled softly, exhaling. Even through the bedsheet, there was no disguising that Sidle Swagger or the shape of her hips.

"Who am I kidding?" She groaned rhetorically. "I'm already in trouble."


	25. Iris

**Long chapter for you today to make up for the delay. I've been struggling to get this one right, but hopefully you enjoy it**

**Let me know what you think**

**x x x x**

"Uh hum." Catherine cleared her throat non-to subtly. "Are you forgetting something?"

Grissom didn't look up from his stack of paperwork as he answered with a muted grunt.

"I forgot to do these evaluations. Ecklie's been on my back all night" He grumbled, shuffling papers around with a flustered expression. "I'm not going to be leaving this office tonight."

Cath pursed her lips, attempting to hide a smile.

"So, I guess you're not going to be handing out assignments then?" She clarified, again receiving a grunt. He nudged the stack of slips towards her, an unconcealed hint. She rolled her eyes, scooping the folders up. "You know, if you kept on top of your paperwork you wouldn't find yourself in this predicament so often."

He dropped his pen, giving her an exasperated look.

"Are you going to help or hinder, Catherine?" He asked.

"Help." She smiled sweetly, spinning on her heel. "Enjoy the paperwork."

"Hey Cath," he called after her, taking his glasses off. She turned in the threshold, quirking an eyebrow expectantly. "Are you doing okay?" She was taken aback by the unexpected breach of emotion from him, but recovered quickly.

"Yeah," she grinned. "Actually, I'm doing great." He scrutinised her for a minute, scanning her face. Finally, he settled on the fact that she was telling the truth and offered a single brusque nod.

"Good."

She watched his gaze fall instantly back to his mountain of work with a chuckle.

"Have fun." She threw over her shoulder, "I'll try to bring you back a bug."

X x x

Having flicked through the cases en route to the break room, Catherine had already decided which one she was taking and slipped it to the back of the pile.

"Alright." She greeted, silencing the chattering of her team. "Grissom has gone into hibernation so-" she waved the cases in the air like a prize. "Nick and Warrick, you guys get a dead hooker on the strip. Greg, you're going solo on a 419 in Henderson."

A grin broke out on his face and he silently celebrated as he snatched the file. Grissom never sent him out solo, especially on a body case. Ordinarily the boys might have complained about the youngest being sent out alone but it was difficult to be bitter about it when he looked so happy. With only one left, Cath turned to the only other person in the room with a devilish smile.

"Sara … you're mine."

X x x

"I think you're Greg's new best friend." Sara chuckled softly as Cath swerved the CSI Denali out of the lab parking lot.

"Grissom doesn't give him enough credit." The older woman shrugged, keeping a straight face.

"Yeah." Sara nodded, suppressing a smirk. "And of course that left me free to work with you." Cath bit her lip.

"Entirely coincidental." She stated, shooting Sara a sideways smile.

"You know, the boys will get suspicious if you keep pairing us together." Sara commented with amusement.

Catherine chewed on the inside of her cheek. She had opted to keep quiet about Warrick's sly comment to her the other day. Things were still in the very early stages between the women and breaking the news to the team hadn't arisen yet. Until Sara brought it up, there was no need to worry her needlessly.

They had inadvertently lapsed into an unnerving silence, so Sara cleared her throat and twisted in her seat so she was facing her companion. She lay a hand lazily on Cath's thigh, doodling mindless patterns with her fingertips.

"How's Lindsey doing?"

"Same as before." Cath shrugged, biting her tongue at Sara's absent-minded shenanigans. "I walked in on her getting changed yesterday; honestly you'd think I'd pounced on her with a video camera!" She sighed. "Makes me wonder what she's trying to hide."

Sara laughed softly.

"Well, she's growing up. Maybe she's just getting shy." She theorised with a shrug. "I don't like people walking in on me when I'm changing either."

Cath tore her eyes briefly from the road to send her a sideways glance.

"You don't mind me walking in on you." She pointed out with a pout.

"That's because you don't give me a choice." Sara retorted cheekily, squeezing her knee. "Besides, I've got nothing left to hide in front of you."

"That is true." Catherine grinned, attempting to divert attention away from the blush trying to creep up her cheeks.

"What about Billy?" Sara asked, changing the subject before her girlfriend turned any pinker. "Any mention of him lately?"

"No, thank God." Cath groaned, relaxing her shoulders. "After the night she ran off, I don't think she's looking to date anytime soon."

X x x

"I heard that Emily did it with Chris West." Lucy giggled. The other girls all pulled faces and let out disgusted squeals.

"I can't imagine doing it with anyone." Rebecca turned her nose up in horror. "It's gross."

"It's meant to be fun." Zoe countered. "If you do it properly."

"I've heard that it really hurts but that you can't get pregnant the first time." Rebecca continued with naïve conviction.

Lindsey rolled her eyes, choosing to keep quiet. She had no idea how they had gotten onto this subject but she wouldn't complain if the ground wanted to open up and swallow her whole right now.

"I bet Lindsey knows all about it." Lucy's teasing voice dragged her out of her thoughts and she found herself being nudged playfully in the ribs. "With _Billy_." The way she drawled his name and rolled her eyes in a mock-dreamy fashion made Lindsey's stomach knot.

"I hate Billy." She spat testily, but her protestations only seemed to urge the girls on further.

"Yeah, you hate him." Rebecca repeated. "Which means you really luurve him." The trio fell about laughing, clutching their sides with glee. Lindsey wasn't laughing.

"You don't know anything!" She erupted, a scowl marring her face. "You have no idea what it's like."

"No, but you do." Zoe piped up, and the giggles continued.

"I bet you've done _everything_ with him." Lucy jibed, even though for all intents and purposes she didn't know what 'everything' entailed. The more red Lindsey's cheeks turned, the more crude the jokes got. And then Lucy took it one step too far. "You're gonna be a whore, just like your mother!"

If you'd asked her which part of that sentence it was exactly that made her do it she couldn't tell you. Her fist had collided with Lucy's nose before she could even comprehend what she had done. The dark-haired girl blinked at her, shock written all over her pretty face as a thin trail of blood trickled over her lip and tears of pain and anger began streaming from her eyes.

"You hit her!" Rebecca stated the obvious, pushing Lindsey away from their friend.

Now, Lindsey was not by nature a violent person. She'd had a few scraps after her father had died, all in defence of his name, but this was new and impulsive territory to her.

In instinctive retaliation, she shoved Becky, causing her to fall over. And then she was on her back, pinned to the grass by Zoe's firm grip. A sharp hand slapped her around the face, dragging her nails across the delicate skin. Lindsey struggled against her, but Zoe was a strong little girl and easily outweighed her.

She was subconsciously aware of people calling their names. A shadow had fallen over them from the crowd of people that had gathered to watch.

Suddenly Zoe's fingers laced through her blonde tresses and tugged. The feeling of her hair being wrenched so tight stirred a nauseating memory in her and with impressive strength she threw the bigger child off of her.

Suddenly the shadow broke apart and a pair of suit-clad legs appeared in her view. The breathless girl followed the legs up to a pair of brown eyes watching her from behind a set of gold-rimmed glasses.

"Lindsey Willows." Mr Carpenter declared in a stern voice. "I might have guessed."

X x x

The whistling of the coffee pot broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. Cath snatched it up and started pouring out two cups. She felt Sara sidle up beside her. She had developed a specific reaction to Sara's presence; her body would flush and all the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, like she was anticipating the touch that usually followed.

"What's troubling you, girl?" She asked at last. Sara blinked at her in surprise.

"How do you do that?" She queried. Cath sent her a sideways smile.

"You're distracted. I can tell." She declared. "What's up?"

Sara laughed nervously, shaking her head at her girlfriend's mind-reading abilities. She inched closer, placing a hand on the small of Catherine's back.

"Well, since you mention it there was something I wanted to talk to you about. I wasn't planning on doing it here, but…"

"Break time already, ladies?" The amused voice of Conrad Ecklie startled Catherine so much that she jumped a full foot away from Sara, knocking over both coffee cups in the process.

Sara emitted a startled yelp, jumping away from the counter. Everyone watched in horror as a pale stain began to spread across her stomach.

"Oh … God!" Cath gulped, grabbing the nearest cloth and pressing it into Sara's abdomen in an attempt to absorb some of the hot liquid. "I'm so sorry."

Ecklie remained in the doorway, his mouth opening and closing in bemusement like a fish on land. He knew his joke hadn't been the funniest in the world but he hadn't expected it to elicit such a reaction from the blonde.

"Are you okay Sara?" He asked, stepping into the room.

"I'm fine." She nodded abruptly, biting her tongue against the urge to scream. Catherine ran the towel quickly under the cold tap and replaced it on the scald.

"Catherine…" Grissom poked his head into the room but whatever he was about to say evaporated on his tongue. The scene before him was both baffling and concerning. Catherine was pressing a damp towel against Sara's stomach while the brunette appeared to be holding her breath, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the centre bench behind her. Ecklie was stood to one side, watching on unhelpfully. Gil's gaze scanned the room, eventually settling on the upturned coffee mugs and dark liquid dripping rhythmically onto the floor. "Are you okay?" He asked, concern lacing his voice.

"I'm fine." Sara gulped, inching her shirt up slightly to survey the damage. There was a nasty red line running the length of her slender stomach. Without even having to examine it they could tell that it was going to blister.

"I'll take care of it." Cath declared frantically, already rummaging through the contents of the first aid kit. She dragged Sara by the arm and dropped her onto a stool, undoing the buttons of her shift without a second thought to the men in the room.

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, Ecklie turned his back to the girls and addressed Grissom, who was still watching them with a furrowed brow.

"Have you finished those reports yet?"

His mouth said yes but the sheepish look on his face suggested otherwise. Ordinarily, he might have let the lie slide, but right now Conrad Ecklie wanted nothing more than to get out of the room. He was no prude, but Sara was his underling and it had not escaped his notice that she happened to be very attractive. And right now, she was half-dressed and being man-handled by another woman.

"Good," he nodded at Gil, snapping the other man's attention back. "I'll just take them off your hands then." Grissom smiled tightly at him. They both knew he was lying and they both knew why Ecklie was so desperate to get them out of the room.

"Catherine, come find me when you're done." The entomologist called, receiving little more than a nod in response. She was too engrossed in what she was doing to have even heard him.

"I thought they would never leave." Sara joked softly, shivering despite the obvious burning sensation on her stomach.

"I'm so sorry, Sar." Cath mumbled, pressing as hard as she dared with the damp cloth. Sara brushed the comment off.

"Reminds me of our first date." She mumbled with a coy smile. Cath flicked her gaze up to meet Sara's.

Their first official date had ended much better than it had started. Of course, this is remarkably easy when you start by spilling a glass of wine on your partner.

"Shut up." She muttered. "That was an accident." Her petulant pout caused a giggle to bubble out of Sara, despite her pain. "You make me nervous." Catherine added shyly, drawing another laugh from Sara and earning the brunette a soft smack on the thigh.

"I think it's cute." Sara managed to say. Catherine stuck her tongue out, rifling through the box for a suitable bandage.

"This is the second time I've had to patch you back up." She pointed out. Sara hummed in agreement, wincing as the material was pressed against the tender skin. As Catherine affixed the dressing with tape, she suddenly realised why this had happened. "You wanted to tell me something." She said, casting a brief glance at Sara's face.

"Yeah," Sara cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by a cell phone vibrating. Cath sent her an apologetic smile and unclipped it from her belt, drifting across the room to answer it.

Sara pretended to check the bandage on her stomach, not wanting to appear as if she was eavesdropping.

"What?" The harsh bark drew her eyes up. "Yeah, okay. I'll … I'll be right there." The blonde wiped a hand over her face, hanging up.

"What's wrong?" Sara asked, hopping off the stool.

"That was Lindsey's school, she's been fighting again." Cath sighed, dragging her fingers through her hair. "Can you tell Grissom…"

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Sara brushed her comment off. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No thanks, I'll deal with it." Catherine breathed, placing a chaste kiss on Sara's lips. "I'll call you later." She added, already scuttling out of the room.

Sara watched her go with a sad smile.

"Yeah … later." She murmured despondently.

X x x

If she squeezed her eyes tight enough, she could almost feel Sara's soft hand trailing up her body; her gentle breath tickling the back of her neck and gradually everything else started to fall away. But all dreams had to end sometime and when she opened her eyes she had to accept the sad realisation that the tender hand on her body was her own and the only thing grazing the back of her neck was her golden waves.

She kicked the covers to the bottom of the bed in a sulk, curling onto her side.

Lindsey had looked so helpless when she'd arrived at the school, scuffing the toe of her shoes against the worn floor outside the Principal's office.

The parent in her told her she should have admonished Lindsey for the fight, but the child had looked so pathetic that she just didn't have the heart to do it. She was probably beating herself up enough anyway.

And if she wasn't, she had two weeks suspension in which to think about her actions.

The punishment had seemed harsh, but Catherine had neither the energy nor the inclination to fight and so her and Lindsey had reluctantly accepted it and slunk out of the school with their heads bowed.

It was funny how being in the Principal's office had the power to make everyone feel thirteen again.

With a heavy sigh, she rolled out of bed and grabbed her robe. If she wasn't going to sleep she may as well do something productive. She was sure there was some ironing she could be doing.

As she sloped into the kitchen, stifling a yawn with one hand while combing the other through her hair, she was surprised to find that she wasn't the only Willows plagued by insomnia.

X x x

Lindsey had been expecting her mother to yell at her. Or in the least to look disappointed.

But she hadn't. She'd just looked tired.

Even on the drive home, filled with a suffocating silence, Catherine hadn't chastised her.

If her mother's detached mood wasn't enough, she'd been replaying the fight over in her mind ever since leaving the school.

She'd never made anyone bleed before, except for once when she pushed Jeremy too hard on the swings and he fell off and grazed his knee. But that had been an accident.

Yesterday, she had actively and deliberately hurt somebody else.

Sometimes, when she'd had a fight with her mom, or when she was so sick of everyone treating her like a little kid, Lindsey missed her father. She missed him on Sunday afternoons when there was nothing to do. She missed him on school play nights; because it reminded her of the night he died. She missed him every time she had ice cream with all the toppings, or when she heard a 70's rock song.

But a part of her, a deep part that she kept hidden from the rest of the world, didn't miss him at all. This was the part that remembered what he had done to her mother. This was the little girl who'd sit at the top of the stairs in her pyjamas long after bedtime and watch her father beat her mother until she bled.

Just like she had done to Lucy yesterday.

She had loved her father. But she hated him too. And right now, sitting in the dark with bruised fists and a raw scratch on her cheek, she felt sickeningly similar to him.

X x x

"Hey," Catherine blinked, surprised to find her daughter sat at the kitchen table, idly tracing circles around the rim of a glass of water with her fingertip. "You're up early."

"I couldn't sleep." Linds mumbled, dropping both hands into her lap. Cath hummed in response, dropping heavily into a chair beside her.

"Yeah, me neither." She confessed, stifling another yawn. With her elbow on the table, she propped her head up and surveyed her daughter for a moment. She looked just as miserable as she had when Cath arrived at the school. "Hot cocoa?" She suggested softly, already knowing what the answer would be.

The kettle boiling was the only sound in the house as Cath made up the drinks with her back to the girl. She splashed some milk into each cup, making the mixture thick and creamy – just the way Lindsey liked it. She grabbed the bag of mini marshmallows from the cupboard, but before she could open it a pair of small hands beat her to it.

"Aren't you going to yell at me?" Linds asked, creeping up to her side.

"No, I think there's been enough yelling in this house." The older woman sighed, stirring her drink lazily. With their mugs in hand, they took their seats back at the table and sipped from them quietly for a moment, each avoiding the other's gaze.

"You know you said I could talk to you about anything?" Lindsey asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the table. Cath looked up, surprised by the question.

"Yeah." She encouraged softly, reaching out to let her fingertips graze the back of Lindsey's hand. The girl fell quiet for a moment. Catherine desperately wanted to ask what was wrong but she kept her lips sealed, giving Lindsey the chance to organise her thoughts.

"The night I ran away, I didn't tell you everything." She swallowed hard, feeling her throat go dry. "When I went to Billy's he had some friends around."

"You told me that." Cath pointed out in a gentle voice.

"I know." Lindsey wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. "And I said that Billy tried to kiss me."

Alarm bells were starting to ring in Catherine's mind but she did her best to disguise it, not wanting to panic the child.

"Baby, did he try anything else?" she asked with as much composure as she could muster.

She knew that Lindsey was clued up enough about sex to know what she was being asked, but it still hurt to have to have this conversation with her at such a young age.

"He didn't." Lindsey's voice trembled as she spoke, fidgeting with the ring around Catherine's finger as she clutched her mother's hand. "But someone else did."

Suddenly, without warning, she collapsed in tears and dropped her head onto her arms, emitting pained mewling sounds. Catherine slid out of her chair and onto Lindsey's, scooping the teenager into her lap. She hadn't held her like this since she was a little girl; although looking at her now there was little difference.

"Baby it's okay, just tell me what happened?" She begged softly, running her fingers through silky blonde waves.

"He said he had something to show me." Lindsey gasped between sobs. "He took off his pants and grabbed my hair. He asked if I'd ever done it before; I was too scared to say no." She curled up tighter, throwing her arms around Cath's neck and nestling into her as close as she could. As if she could crawl back inside her mother, where it was safe.

Catherine felt like she'd been kicked in the gut.

Her daughter, her baby girl…

"Afterwards," Lindsey mumbled against her neck, her breathing hitching as she spoke, "I was scared that they would all do it so I ran away. But I daren't come home in case you'd be able to tell what I'd done."

All of a sudden Lindsey's actions the night she was found made sense. She hadn't reacted when Cath had pulled her into a hug, or when she'd taken her by the hand and walked her upstairs. She'd just been … quiet. Oddly calm.

In shock, Catherine realised now.

"It's alright honey." She promised her, kissing away her tears. "It's all going to be alright now. We're going to fix this."

She didn't know how.

She'd always told herself that nothing could surprise her. She knew from her line of work that anything could happen to anyone; it did, every day. She had convinced herself that should anything happen to someone she loved she would be able to deal with it. Because, on some level, she would have been expecting it.

But she had not been expecting this. And right now, her whole world and everything she'd thought she'd known about it lay crushed at her feet.


	26. Cream

**New chapter :) Took longer than I anticipated**

**x x x x**

The sky had faded from a misty red, to a rich, deep purple and finally settled on a clear, bright blue.

Catherine had been absently watching the sun slowly creep over the horizon and by the time she realised how long she'd been sat there it was already streaming through the kitchen window, lighting off her daughter's hair and making it shimmer like gold.

After an hour of fitful crying had given way to hiccupped sobs, Lindsey had finally settled into a deep, contented sleep in her mother's arms.

Catherine slowly stood up, never loosening her grip as she carried her like a baby into the lounge. She was heavy, but it stirred a comforting familiarity in the mother. It reminded her of lazy afternoons when Lindsey was a toddler and used to fall asleep on her chest as they read together.

Laying her down on the couch, she draped a blanket over her small body and watched her settle into the new position. Tearing her eyes from the child, she released a shaky breath and snatched the phone from its cradle.

X x x

The front door was already unlocked when she arrived and the sound of it opening drew Catherine instantly to the hall. Before Sara could even shut the door behind her, the blonde had collapsed in her arms.

"This can't be happening." She gasped, interlocking her arms around Sara's nick so tightly she could have cut off the air supply. "Not my baby."

Sara held her tight, rubbing comforting circles on her back as she guided them further into the house. Hot tears soaked through her thin shirt; Catherine's nails dug into her back, scrunching the clothing beneath her hands.

"It's okay." Sara whispered against her ear. There was something in her smooth voice that made the hairs on the back of Cath's neck prickle. "We're going to fix this." Carefully she managed to extract herself from the older woman's fierce grip, holding her at arms length. "Where's Linds?"

Unable to form proper sentences, she merely pointed towards the lounge, wiping futilely at her eyes.

Sara slid past her and made her way to the couch. The little girl was still asleep, curled into a tight ball. Her face was serene, but dried tear tracks down her cheek belayed the truth. Sara brushed her hair aside affectionately before turning back to Catherine, who was watching her through tearful blue eyes, waiting for her to take the lead.

"I don't know what to do, Sar." She murmured, pressing her back against the wall and sliding down until she was sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, rocking slowly. Sara fell instantly to her side, resting her hand on her cheek. Catherine leant into the touch, closing her eyes. Her eyelashes brushed delicately over Sara's thumb, depositing a single tear. "I can't deal with this." She whispered.

"Of course you can." Sara assured her. "You have to. That little girl needs you to."

Catherine opened her eyes, seeking out her daughter's face. She nodded slowly, turning to catch Sara's gaze.

"How?" She asked weakly.

"We'll find a way." Sara promised, gripping her hand. "We'll fix this."

X x x

She knew her mother was watching her before she opened her eyes; she could sense her gaze burning a hole into her skin.

"Hey." Cath's said softly when she spotted the small movements. Lindsey blinked, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she pushed herself to a seated position.

"Hi." She squeaked at last. Cath inched closer, giving her a chance to adjust to her location.

"Are you hungry?" She asked at last. "I could make you some lunch." Lindsey shook her head. "Alright, maybe a bath?" She suggested instead. They both knew that sweet scented bubbles weren't going to solve anything, but Lindsey nodded all the same and this simple agreement was enough to draw a smile from Catherine.

She couldn't change the past, but she could still take care of her daughter, even in a small way.

"Why don't you go get ready, I'll be up in a minute." She watched Lindsey slope to the stairs before slipping into the kitchen, where Sara was busy preparing dinner. Catherine had discovered in recent weeks that Sara was one hell of a cook and ordinarily she would be drooling over the delicious smells emanating from the oven right now, but today she just didn't have the appetite.

"She awake?" Sara asked, sensing the blonde's presence in the room. She'd stuck around for moral support; but not wanting to get in the way she'd busied herself in here. No one would be hungry, she knew that, but they'd have to eat sooner or later.

"Yeah, I'm going to run her a bath." Cath leant against Sara's back, wrapping her arms around the younger woman's waist; trying to draw some strength from the contact. "I can't believe I missed it."

"It's not your fault." Sara assured her. "No one could have seen this coming."

X x x

Lindsey leant her head against the banister, hiding on the bottom step of the stairs as she listened in. She hadn't realised Sara was even here until now, although it did explain why the house smelt like pastry and spices.

"I'm going to have to phone the school." She heard her mother groan. "Surely they can forgive her fighting under the circumstances."

Great. So everyone would know.

"I can't believe they suspended her anyway." Sara scoffed. "Look at her, she's tiny. What kind of damage could she do?"

"She fractured Lucy's nose." Cath clarified.

"Atta girl." Sara's muted laugh drifted from the kitchen and on the stairs Lindsey's lips twitched into a smile.

Though Linds couldn't see it, Cath rolled her eyes.

"We shouldn't encourage her." She chastised lightly.

"No. Of course not." Sara agreed with a straight face. "But you're proud of her, right?" she added.

Catherine laughed. It was an impulsive laugh, the kind that bubbles out of you beyond your control; Lindsey couldn't remember when she had last heard that sound.

"Yeah, a little bit." She admitted.

Her smile spread into a grin.

X x x

"I'll just be downstairs if you need anything." Catherine said, turning the taps off. But she didn't leave straight away. She expected the girl to throw her out so she could have privacy, but she didn't. Lindsey shed her robe and climbed into the bath, sinking into the bubbles.

Cath slid along the edge of the tub and tenderly ran a hand down her back, finding herself suddenly transported back ten years. To when she got to do this every night. To when Lindsey was still unabashed and free. To before they drifted impossibly apart.

"You're okay baby." She said softly and Lindsey nodded, although both knew it was a lie.

Catherine bent down and pressed her lips to her forehead, running a hand through her hair. The tips were trailing across the surface of the water, like leaves.

Lindsey had always loved to go to Lily's house in autumn because the leaves scattered across Lake Mead in vibrant shades of red and orange. She liked to seek out patterns in them, like most people would in clouds.

"I love you." She mumbled against the soft skin. "I love you so much."

Lindsey leant into the awkward hug, her legs pulled up to her chest.

Just like, Catherine realised, she had done herself with Sara.

X x x

"No, I don't want to make an appointment with Dr Capa, I want to speak to Dr Capa." Catherine repeated through gritted teeth, getting visibly more frustrated with her counsellor's inept assistant by the minute.

On the couch, in fluffy pyjamas that were too big for her and Catherine's bathrobe, Lindsey dropped her head onto her knees.

"She's taking me to a shrink isn't she?" The girl asked despondently. Beside her, Sara startled at the small voice.

"Yeah." She agreed softly. "But it's okay, they really can help sometimes." Lindsey's only answer was a shrug.

"I've lost all my friends." She sulked miserably, cupping her face in her hands. Casting a glance at Catherine, who was still cursing into the phone, Sara wrapped an arm tentatively around the teenager's shoulders.

"It gets better." She said in a voice just loud enough that only the two of them could hear. "I know it might not seem like it now, but trust me it does."

Lindsey looked up, searching her face.

"How do you know?" She asked suspiciously. Sara inhaled deeply.

"Because 25 years ago, I was where you are now." She admitted. Lindsey's eyes bugged out of her head. Slowly, she leant back against Sara's shoulder, calculating the math of this new information. She didn't know exactly how old Sara was, but her estimate led her to believe she must have been younger than Lindsey was now. She tipped her head into the crook of the brunette's shoulder.

"It really gets better?" she asked softly.

As she turned, Catherine had caught a glimpse of Sara and Lindsey sat on the couch, their heads bent together. Lindsey had a pensive look on her face, but she was curled protectively into Sara's embrace. The image was so touching and so infinitely distracting that she jumped when a familiar voice came on the line.

"Oh, yeah. Hi." She swallowed, suddenly searching for her words.

"Catherine, my assistant said you wanted to talk to me personally." Dr Capa greeted, somewhat apprehensive about the unexpected phone call. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, no … not with me." She shook her head, starting again. "I'm not phoning for me."

"Okay," she could practically hear him scowling on the end of the line. "So, what can I do for you … or not for you?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you could recommend a good child psychologist?" she bit her lip, feeling her stomach churn as the words left her mouth. This felt far too much like admitting that she had failed as a mother.

There was a pause. "Is Lindsey okay?" The genuine concern in his voice did not ease her guilt any.

"No." She said honestly, making it clear with her tone that she wasn't willing to elaborate over the phone.

"Alright, leave it with me." He said reassuringly. "I'll email you some names and credentials." He knew the blonde well enough to know that when it came to her daughter's welfare, she would want to make the final call on who they spoke to.

After hanging up she made her way back to the couch, where Sara and Lindsey were still talking secretively in hushed voices.

"Okay, I've called your school." She said, deciding not to ask what they were whispering about. "You can go back whenever you want to." She sat down, leaving Lindsey pinned between the adults.

"Yay." The girl mumbled unenthusiastically.

"Don't worry." Sara nudged her gently. "You broke someone's nose. You'll be a hero among the guys and the girls won't dare challenge you again."

Lindsey smiled at the comment, and laughed when her mother reached over to swat Sara playfully on the thigh.

X x x

"Urgh." She groaned, falling onto the bed. "How did my life end up here?"

Sara crawled up beside her, laying her head on the blonde's shoulder. She didn't speak, just left her to think in peace. Eventually Cath rolled over, moulding her body around Sara's.

"Sar?" she asked softly. "I know that this isn't what you want at the start of a new relationship…"

"Hey, it's okay." Sara silenced her. "This can't be helped."

"I know." Cath looked up, seeking out her gaze. "And I don't even know how to thank you for your support." She paused, licking her lips. "But, I don't want Lindsey to know about us just yet. I don't think she can handle any more upheaval."

"That's okay." Sara nodded. "I understand." To be honest, telling Lindsey about their relationship hadn't even crossed her mind today.

As a comfortable silence fell over them, Catherine began to doodle patterns on Sara' stomach.

"Hey," she suddenly announced, tapping her abdomen lightly. "You had something you wanted to tell me." Sara frowned, trying to recall what she was talking about.

"Oh," she hummed. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter now."

"No, go on." Cath propped herself up on her elbow, staring at Sara's face expectantly.

"Well, it's just … I think…" the young woman stuttered. "I was going to suggest that maybe we should take it slower."

"I think it's a bit late for that." Cath pointed out with an impish grin, earning her a small laugh from Sara.

"Yeah, well after today it's kind of a moot point." She agreed. "I just don't want to rush anything. You and Lindsey still have a lot of issues to work out – even more so now – and I don't want to complicate things for you."

"I know." Cath nodded, holding her gaze. "I appreciate that." She leant down, pressing a chaste kiss to Sara's mouth. "Slowing things down might be a good idea." She conceded softly. "Just don't you go leaving me." It was meant as a joke to lighten the mood slightly, but the vulnerability and fear behind her words came through in her voice. If they broke up, she just couldn't cope.

To her relief, Sara smiled.

"Never." She mumbled, leaning up to capture her lips again.


	27. Cyan

"Please, Lindsey." Catherine begged, crouching down in front of the couch, where the girl was sat with her arms folded across her chest sullenly.

"I don't want to go." She sulked, sticking her bottom lip out petulantly. With a sigh, Catherine flicked her eyes up, latching onto her daughter's gaze.

"Honey, if you really don't want to do this I won't make you." She said, offering a pleading look as she reached up to tuck Lindsey's hair behind her ear. "I just hoped you might love me enough to let me help you." It was an obvious guilt trip but it earned a small smile from Lindsey.

"Mom." She whined softly. Cath gave her a coy grin.

"Is that a yes?" She asked hopefully, holding her arms out. Lindsey fell into the hug, resting her head on her mother's shoulder.

"If I don't like her, I won't have to go back." She bargained. Catherine smiled, holding her tighter.

"Deal."

X x x

Her first impressions of Lindsey Willows did not match that of the description given by the child's mother.

_Sociable_

_Energetic_

_Strong_

_Stubborn_

Instead, sitting in front of her was a timid, frightened, edgy thirteen year old who's tiny frame looked too big for her right now. Her blue eyes danced around the room, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings.

Catherine Willows had explained the reason for bringing her daughter in for counselling. She had explained about the night Lindsey ran away and the assault inflicted on her by an older boy. She had detailed the fight at school and the early morning breakdown.

Dr Marshall had gotten the distinct impression that bringing her daughter to therapy was causing Miss Willows some great inner turmoil, but from the child's bio it was clear that she had little choice.

"How old are you Lindsey?" Dr Marshall asked, although she already knew the answer.

"Thirteen." The girl answered in a small voice. "Fourteen in a couple of months."

"Really? What do you want for your birthday?" All of this was irrelevant of course, but it would relax the child enough to move onto more sensitive topics.

Holly Marshall had counselled children in foster care, child victims of rape, sexual assault and domestic violence, as well as the usual child-of-divorced parents and suicidal teens. Her impressive record was partly why Catherine had chosen her out of the prospective child psychologists.

She was younger than Cath had expected, only 28, but her long blonde hair and youthful face made her appear much younger. She'd hoped this might put Lindsey at ease – a younger woman might understand her a bit better.

Lindsey answered her question with another. "Do I have to stay for the whole hour?"

Holly blinked. "No, of course not." She replied. "Do you want to leave?"

Lindsey shrugged, sitting forward on the sofa. "I don't want to be here." She declared. Holly smiled inwardly. This was more like the sullen teenager she'd been promised.

"I don't blame you." She agreed calmly. "No one wants to have to come to places like this. But you've been through something distressing and I'm here to help you deal with that so that you don't have to come back to a place like this ten years from now." She smiled warmly. "Why don't we just talk for a bit and if you still want to go then you know where the door is?"

Lindsey held her gaze for a long moment, determining for herself this woman's motives. Finally, she nodded imperceptivity and slumped back into the couch. Internally, Holly celebrated. The hardest part with damaged kids was always winning their trust.

"So, why do you think your mom brought you here?"

"Because she thinks I'm messed up." Linds shrugged again. "And because it's worked for her so she thinks it'll work for me."

"Your mom's seen a counsellor too?" Holly asked, intrigued. Lindsey nodded, toying with her bracelet anxiously as she spoke.

"She's had a lot of things going on so she started seeing a shrink." She mumbled, staring into her lap. "Sara's helped too. She's started coming around a lot more often."

Holly frowned, quickly scanning over the notes she'd already made in case she'd missed something.

"Who's Sara?" She asked when she came up blank.

"She's mom's friend, from work." Lindsey clarified.

"Is she around a lot?" The counsellor asked, making a note of the name and circling it.

"Yeah." Lindsey hummed. "Mom's been kind of all over the place lately and whenever Sara's around she's a lot calmer. Sometimes she sleeps over."

"With your mother?" The words left her mouth before she could call them back, but thankfully Lindsey appeared unfazed by the question. She cleared her throat, making a mental note to keep her assumptions to herself.

"So, your mom's friend…" she continued, using the term in its loosest sense. "Do you get on with her?"

"Yeah." Lindsey grinned. "She's cool. She kinda gets me, better than my mom."

"Get's you how?"

"Well," Lindsey shuffled, uncomfortable with the idea of breaking Sara's promise. She decided that, since she'd been assured that everything said in here was confidential, it would be alright this once. "She's sort of been through the same thing."

Holly pursed her lips, trying to make sense of the statement.

"You're talking about what that boy did to you?" She realised. Lindsey appeared almost taken aback by the question. She was so used to people dancing around the topic that she hadn't expected anyone to be so forthright with her. But then, she supposed, that was the advantage of talking to a stranger; there was no need to beat around the bush.

"Yeah." Lindsey nodded when she realised Holly was still waiting for an answer. "When she was younger."

The woman sat forward, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders in gentle curls as she did.

"Okay." She softened her voice. "That's a good place to start." Lindsey shifted in her chair. She knew what was coming next. "Why did you run away?"

X x x

"Will you stop that?" Sara said when she caught Catherine staring at her again.

"What?" Cath asked lazily. She was stretched across the bed on her stomach and seemed unable or unwilling to tear her gaze from Sara's body as the brunette dressed after her shower.

"That. You're making me nervous."

"You're pretty." Catherine smiled, eliciting a nervous laugh from her girlfriend.

"How did Lindsey's session go?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know; she wouldn't tell me." Cath scowled, resting her head on her folded hands. "She bolted out of the room like a bullet and never said a word the whole way home. She's been very quiet all day in fact."

"She's probably just letting it sink in. She'll have a lot to think about." Sara reassured her, pulling her sweater on and dropping onto the bed beside Catherine. The older woman slithered closer, leaning her head against Sara's leg.

"I guess." She agreed softly. "I still wish she'd talk to me though."

"She will." Sara promised, running her fingers through the blonde's hair. She loved the way such a simple action could elicit a response from the blonde. She had likened her girlfriend to a cat (a fitting coincidence, she recognized); she gravitated towards warmth and in her sleep she would nuzzle against Sara until every part of their bodies were in contact, even if it meant nearly pushing her out of bed. And if you gave her the right attention she would make a noise not unlike a feline's purr, just like she was doing now.

The doorbell chimed, disrupting the moment. Cath groaned, shuffling to a seated position and straightening her clothes out.

"That'll be Nance and Jeremy." She declared.

"I'll finish getting ready." Sara said, shaking her damp hair out. The bell rang again and Catherine could practically hear her sister's impatience in its chime. She pressed a brief kiss to Sara's lips and stood up.

"You do that. Come down whenever you're ready."


	28. Azure

Jeremy didn't know what was going on but he'd been explicitly told that he had to be nice to Lindsey today. So as soon as he entered the house he sent his cousin a warm smile and offered to let her call the shots for the afternoon.

"So, how's she been?" Nancy asked once the kids disappeared upstairs.

"Up and down." Catherine shrugged, pouring three mugs of freshly-brewed coffee. "The therapist's helping, but she's still not herself."

"It's going to take time." Nancy assured her, clearing her throat. "And, uh, how's Sara?"

Cath bit back a dry laugh.

"How long have you been waiting to ask that?" She challenged, dropping down at the kitchen table. "She's fine. She's great, in fact – I don't know how I would have gotten through the last couple of weeks without her." The tone of her voice dared Nancy to question it but she knew better than to take the bait.

"I take it she's here." She gestured to the extra cup of coffee sitting between them.

"Be nice, Nance." Catherine warned as the sound of footsteps on the stairs signalled the approach of the woman in question. The nurse rolled her eyes, taking a mouthful of her drink to drown the sarcastic comment on her tongue.

"Hey." Sara greeted with a nervous smile, materialising in the kitchen. Nancy acknowledged her with a small nod, which was a start. Sara slid into a seat and smiled at Catherine. She made a conscious effort to keep the physical contact to a minimum when Nancy was around due to the nurse's scathing view of the relationship. She tried not to take it too personally.

"What are the kids doing?" Catherine asked, breaking the silence. She knew that Sara wouldn't have been able to resist checking on them before coming downstairs.

"Jeremy's setting up the video game; Lindsey's staring out of the window."

"She's still struggling and I don't know how to help her." Cath sighed, letting her head fall into her hands despondently. For the first time, Nancy's features softened.

"She'll be alright. She's a tough kid." She promised. Catherine met her sister's gaze.

"I hope so." She murmured softly, although the doubt in her voice was mirrored in her voice. "Because I don't know how much longer she can go on like this."

X x x

"So, what do you want to play?" Jeremy asked, fidgeting nervously with the video game controller. He desperately wanted to ask what was going on, but his mother's threat of what would happen if he did was still ringing in his ears.

"Anything." Lindsey shrugged, staring absently out over the back yard. Jeremy sidled up beside her and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Her only answer was a soft sigh.

"Jem; have you ever felt like you should just stop trying, because everything you do goes wrong anyway?"

He stared at his cousin for a moment. They'd been brought up together, so close that she was practically his sister. She knew him better than anyone else. There was a time when he would have said the same about her, but right now he was looking at a person he didn't recognise.

"Linds?" He asked quietly. "What's going on?"

X x x

Catherine yawned, stretching her stiff muscles as she stumbled downstairs.

The house was quiet and the lights were off, so she was naturally startled when she flicked the switch and found Sara sprawled on her back across her coffee table in shorts and a tank top, gasping for her every breath.

"Are you okay?" She asked, fastening her bath robe as she made her way to her girlfriend.

"I think I pulled something." Sara breathed, clutching her side.

"What?"

"A liver."

With a half smile, Cath bent down and put her hands on either side of Sara's waist.

"Where does it hurt?" She asked. Sara winced and rolled out of her grip. Catherine helped her onto the couch and brushed her damp hair aside affectionately. Her skin was hot to the touch. "Stay here, I'll get you some ice." She chuckled softly.

Sara waved a hand absently, too winded to form a response.

Returning with frozen peas and a glass of cold water, Cath pressed the bag against Sara's aching side.

"I warned you exercise was bad for you." She pointed out with amusement as Sara downed the drink.

"Haha." She responded at last, sticking her tongue out before letting her head fall back against the sofa cushions.

"What were you doing out so early anyway?"

"Running." Sara breathed. "I needed to clear my head." She wiped a hand over her face tiredly. "I, uh, I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah. Me neither." Catherine released a tired breath, running a hand through her bed-hair. "I don't know what to do about it." There was no need to elaborate; they both knew the reason for their insomnia.

"Maybe she needs a break?" Sara suggested softly. "Maybe you both do."

"Like a vacation?" Cat asked with a frown. "I'd love one, but I don't think that's going to solve anything."

"It might help her to get away from everything for a while." Sara reasoned. "Give her a chance to clear her head."

Catherine considered the argument for a few minutes. A vacation would give them an opportunity to spend some time together alone, maybe even bring them closer together.

"She still in bed?" Sara asked after a moment.

"Yeah." Cath hummed, leaning her head against Sara's shoulder. She had begun to check on her regularly as she slept, a habit she'd kicked until recently.

An impish smile spread across Sara's lips as she snaked her arms around the startled blonde's waist and pulled her onto her lap. At Catherine's surprised expression, she grinned.

"Then maybe we should make the most of the peace and quiet."

"You're going to pull something else if you're not careful." Cath warned, pressing her nose to Sara's in an Eskimo kiss. Sara used the opportunity to steal a real one.

"It would be worth it." She hummed.

Before things could get any heated, there was a distinctive creak from above. The women laughed softly at her timing skills as Cat climbed off her girlfriend.

"I'll make breakfast." She said, preparing for the imminent arrival of her sleep-dishevelled daughter.


	29. Scarlett

Holly jumped when the door to her office slammed into the wall with a bang.

She knew something must be wrong when she'd gotten a call from Catherine Willows saying that Lindsey needed to see her tonight, despite them having had a session two days ago. Thankfully it was a quiet day and she could fit the teenager in.

Although judging by the girl's furious expression she may regret agreeing to this.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" She asked without preamble. Lindsey threw herself onto the couch and folded her arms across her chest sullenly. When she didn't offer an answer Holly sat forward in her chair, trying to catch her client's gaze with little success. "Lindsey?"

"I don't want to talk." The girl snapped tersely. "I just wanted to get away from her."

"Your mom?" She clarified. This was not all that uncommon; kids had a fight with their parents and used her office as a place to hide out until everyone had had time to calm down. "Well, you're welcome here anytime, you know that." She said softly, dragging her chair closer. "But, while you're here why don't we talk?" She paused, scrutinising the kid. "It doesn't have to be about what's bothering you. We can talk about anything."

Lindsey sat forward, finally meeting her gaze. There was fire in her blue eyes and her cheeks were flushed with rage, but her words were low and measured.

"My mom is sleeping with Sara."

X x x

The news did not exactly startle Holly. To be honest, she'd already sussed as much from what her client had told her of the two women.

But the development was clearly not sitting too well with Lindsey.

"Okay." She nodded slowly. "And you're upset about that."

Lindsey blinked at her incredulously.

"Yeah!" She barked. "My mom's not…"

"Gay?" Holly filled in when she trailed off. Lindsey's eyes flashed to hers.

"No!" She wiped angry tears away with the sleeve of her sweater. "Why would she do this?"

"Have you asked her?" The counsellor inquired. Lindsey shook her head.

"I don't want to talk to her." She sulked. "Or Sara!"

"I thought you liked Sara?" Holly asked softly.

"I do. I did." She corrected. "Why did mom … why would she?" She asked helplessly, her words catching in her throat. "And why with Sara?"

Holly couldn't help but feel for the girl. After everything she's been through lately, this was probably the last thing she needed to add to her list of things to deal with.

The fact that it was with Sara, the only other person she had opened up to; well, that had to sting.

In their last scheduled meeting, Lindsey had confided that she was starting to feel like a normal kid with a relatively normal family. Her and her mom talked, they had family days out with her cousin and movie nights with family friends … like Sara. And without warning those foundations she'd built up had just crashed down around her.

Adding her own sentiments to the shrink's internal realisations, Lindsey dropped her head back against the sofa cushions and sighed.

"We were meant to be going on vacation."

X x x

"_Italy?"_

"_Too far."_

"_Miami."_

"_Not far enough." _

_Sara released a breath. "London?"_

_Catherine sent her a look. "Too cold." She huffed, drawing a soft laugh from Sara. _

"_You're not making this easy." The brunette pointed out. Cath smiled, nestling back against her shoulder. They were on the couch, buried beneath enough travel guides and maps to fill a train station. _

"_You should come with us." She pouted, nuzzling her head under Sara's jaw. _

"_You know I can't. We'd be too short staffed at work." The younger woman repeated. "Besides, the whole point of this is for you and Lindsey to spend time together. I'd be in the way."_

"_I'm sure I could find a use for you." The blonde hummed, twisting to place a kiss on her lips. _

X x x

Lindsey hadn't said anything in nearly ten minutes. Holly used the time to examine the emotions crossing her features. Unlike many of the kids she dealt with, Lindsey wore her heart on her sleeve.

She was obviously struggling to come to terms with the revelation of her mother's relationship. But there was something else too; a dark feeling that was trying to hide.

"Is she still here?" Holly asked at last, nodding towards the door. After Lindsey's dramatic entrance, the receptionist had slunk out from her desk to close it. "Your mother?" She envisioned the poor woman sat in the waiting area with her head in her hands.

Lindsey shook her head.

"My aunt brought me." She explained. "I don't want to be in the same car as them. They lied to me."

"They lied?" She repeated.

"They let me believe they were just friends." She elaborated. Holly pursed her lips.

So, this wasn't just about Lindsey not wanting her mom to date a woman. It was about deception.

"But they told you eventually." Holly pointed out. "So, maybe they were just waiting until they thought you could deal with it."

Lindsey blinked at her. "They didn't tell me."

X x x

_Neither could have anticipated it would happen; one minute they were debating holiday destinations and … well, they'd just gotten carried away. Before they knew it, Catherine was topless, straddling Sara's hips and fighting for dominance of a passionate kiss. The leaflets, previously scattered on their laps had evacuated onto the floor. _

_They were so wrapped up in each other that they never heard the front door open, or the soft footsteps approaching until there was a loud thud as Lindsey's bag hit the floor. _

_Catherine looked up with wide eyes, locking them with her daughter's stunned blue orbs. _

"_Linds…" She gasped, snatching her shirt from the back of the couch in a failed attempt to cover herself. Sara was struggling to sit up but was still pinned by the older woman. _

_Lindsey's expression morphed from one of confused shock to hurt and anger as she started to back out of the room. _

"_Linds, honey." Cath continued, clambering awkwardly off of Sara and stumbling towards her. _

"_Leave me alone!" Lindsey yelled, having finally found her voice, as she ran upstairs and slammed the door. Catherine watched her go with a desperate expression, her mouth opening and closing helplessly as she tried to grasp what had just happened. She turned back to Sara, who was wearing a matching look of despair. _

"_Oh God." Cath gasped, sinking to the floor. Sara landed by her side, wrapping her arms around her tightly. "Oh, God." She repeated, falling into Sara's embrace. _

X x x

"You don't understand – it's been going on for ages!" Tears were building in her eyes.

"Lindsey," Holly called softly. "Are you angry with your mom and Sara for dating … or for not telling you about it?"

"Both." She scowled.

"Well, maybe she just didn't want to give you too much to deal with at once." Attempts to calm her were futile, she was far too enraged to listen to reason now.

"She should have told me!" The girl was out of her seat, her hands balled into fists at her sides. "She shouldn't even be doing it!"

"She's still your mom, honey." Holly said softly. "No matter whom she dates."

Lindsey looked up, her youthful face suddenly hardened and as cold as her words.

"She's not my mom anymore."

**x x x x**

**Thoughts?**


	30. Russett

"Really? No way. What did she say?"

"She said it's time to get off the phone." Catherine interjected, nudging her daughter out of the way to get to the fridge. Lindsey moved to the other side of the room but didn't hang up.

"I can't believe she did that!" She continued, laughing into the phone.

"Come on sweetie, I need your help." Cath tried again, with little effect.

"In a minute." Lindsey snapped, finally acknowledging her.

"No, not in a minute. Now."

The girl rolled her eyes but did as she was asked and ended the call, fixing her mother with a contemptuous look.

"I need you to set the table, please." Catherine continued, making a point to ignore the death glares.

"Is Sara coming?" Lindsey asked, noting the fact there were three plates.

"Yes she is." Cath agreed calmly. "Be nice."

As if on cue, the front door opened and a familiar voice hollered a greeting.

"Hey, I brought your mail." Sara announced, wandering into the room. With her mother's words in mind, Lindsey moved instantly to the brunette's side, taking the mail in one hand and Sara's bike helmet in the other.

"I'll take them for you." She said politely, even managing to offer a smile. Sara frowned, but handed the items over anyway.

"Okay, thanks Linds." She said, sending Catherine a hopeful shrug.

"Hey, I thought you were driving over." Cath greeted, noting the helmet and leathers.

"I was going to, but it was a nice night." Sara shrugged, moving around the table to kiss her. As Catherine leant in to meet her half-way, she caught a glimpse of Lindsey heading to the door.

"Whoa, hold up Missy." She whirled on her daughter, leaving Sara hanging. "What have you got there?" Whatever she'd been holding had suddenly disappeared out of sight.

"It's personal." She retorted, keeping her back to her mother.

"Can I see it?" Catherine asked, stepping closer. Lindsey turned to face her with a wide-eyed look, clutching the envelope behind her back. Holding her gaze, Cath leant around her and snatched the letter from her hands.

Lindsey dropped her eyes to the ground, fidgeting nervously on the spot.

"It's from the school. Your midterm grades?"

"I have to go to the bathroom…" Despite the sudden tension in the room, Sara couldn't help the smile that twitched at her lips at the teenager's lame excuse. They both knew it was a fruitless attempt.

"Stop." Cath barked, already tearing open the envelope.

"Mom…"

"English: A, History: A," the blonde began reciting off, her features softening with each one. "Phys Ed: B, Geography: B. These are very good." Her eyes scanned further down the page. Lindsey knew the exact moment she saw it. Her expression hardened and her head shot up. "Math: F?"

"It's only one grade. Jesus mom." Lindsey's attempts to sound blasé about the situation fell flat.

"Lindsey." Catherine said sternly, taking a step closer. "What's going on with math?"

"Nothing." She sulked. "Mr Putnam hates me."

"Why?"

"He just does. He's so mean." Catherine rolled her eyes, eliciting a huff from Lindsey. "Sure, take his side why don't you!" She snapped.

"I am not taking sides," Cath assured her. "But I'm not too fond of your attitude right now."

The comment was enough to make Lindsey lose it.

"What's your problem?" She barked. Catherine blinked, taken aback by the outburst.

"What's my problem?" She repeated. "You want to know what my problem is? Who do you think you're talking to?"

"I don't know anymore!" Lindsey spat, spinning on her heel and stalking out of the door.

"Lindsey!" Catherine hollered after her, but her only response was the sound of a door slamming above. With a frustrated groan, she turned back to Sara; the brunette had retrieved the piece of paper and was sat at the table, scanning the other results. Without looking up, she addressed Catherine in an unusually calm voice.

"On the plus side, she's acing science."

X x x

"Is it just me or do schools have a timeless sort of atmosphere?" Sara asked idly, ambling around the classroom.

Cath had practically had to bribe her girlfriend to come with her, but now they were here she was calmer than the mother herself.

The door opened and a balding man wearing glasses that looked like they'd been evicted from the 70s shuffled in.

"You must be Miss Willows." He greeted, barely giving Sara a second glance as he dropped into his chair. The women slid into student's desks, suddenly feeling warped back several years. "I take it you're here to talk about Lindsey's grades."

"Yes." Catherine released a breath.

"I want you to know, I don't change grades." He jumped in before she could continue. Sara frowned at him, annoyed to be under fire so early in the meeting.

"I know, that's not why I'm here." Cath shook her head, equally confused by the accusation. "I wanted to know what she can do to improve her marks."

Mr Putnam sat back in his chair, folding his hands on his lap.

"Like I tell the 30 other kids I teach, five times a day, five days a week: please pay attention." Catherine and Sara shared a look.

"Okay." Cath nodded, not sure what else to offer to that. She was starting to formulate an unfavourable opinion of this man and judging by her girlfriend's impatient foot-tapping, so was she.

"And I don't have to tell you, math is not the most popular with the kids." He continued in his monotonous voice. Sara pursed her lips.

"I always liked it." She contradicted, earning her a distasteful look.

"Yes, well." He cleared his throat. "About Lindsey. She's been detached lately; not paying attention, back-talking, fighting with classmates."

"She's had a lot of disruption at home." Cath jumped in, offering some defence to her daughter. The man blinked at her behind his obnoxiously large glasses.

"I don't care." He stated bluntly. "The point is she needs to pay attention if she wants to improve her grades."

"Are you familiar with mitigating circumstances?" Sara asked, eyeing him coldly. He disregarded her comment with a wave of the hand.

"That's not my problem. My problem is this." He tapped to the board behind him, where an unfinished equation was still written on from earlier in the day. "And if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare my notes for thirty students to come in tomorrow and get it wrong."

Taking the hint, the women stood up to leave. On the way out, Sara turned in the threshold with a cocky smile and gestured to the board.

"The answer's pi."

X x x

"What an ass." She muttered as they stalked through the deserted hallway towards the parking lot. Catherine grunted something in agreement, her mind elsewhere.

"He wasn't exactly forthcoming in how to help her." She admitted sadly.

"Anyone that dull should be screened." Sara continued. "That voice could put anyone to sleep, no wonder his students don't pay attention."

"Sara." Catherine sent her a look.

"Alright, but I'm just saying the teacher can make a difference. And God knows, he would not be anyone's first choice."

"No." Cath hummed. "But that still doesn't tell us how to help my daughter."

She pushed the front doors open, feeling the cold air brush against her legs. She'd worn a skirt in an attempt to look like the kind of parent who made her kid breakfast every morning and helped her with her homework, but she was regretting it now. Noticing her shivering, Sara slid her jacket off and draped it around Cath's shoulders as they walked back to the car.

"Don't go too hard on her." She said softly. "She's a smart kid, she's just got a lot on her mind."

"I know." Catherine sighed, sliding into the passenger seat without argument when Sara held the door open for her, even though it was her car. She was too distracted to drive anyway.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it." Sara continued as she climbed into the driver's side. "If the throat lozenges and whiskey breath were anything to go by, he'll have a nervous breakdown and quit before Lindsey's final exams." She flashed Catherine a cheeky smile, receiving a soft laugh in return.

X x x

As soon as she heard the car engine outside, Lindsey jumped to her feet and was pacing in front of the door when they walked in.

"So, what did he say?" she asked uncertainly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"You're teacher's a jerk." Sara commented, stalking past her towards the kitchen. The statement drew the briefest of smiles from the girl, until she remembered who'd said it and affixed a blank look in its place.

"What did he say about me?" She repeated. Catherine placed a hand on her shoulder and walked her towards the couch.

"Come here, you and I need to have a little talk." She could hear Sara talking to Nancy in the kitchen, purposefully giving her some time alone with Lindsey. "He said you've been struggling to concentrate in his class." Okay, it wasn't what he'd said, but it was close enough.

Lindsey shrugged, looking everywhere but at her mom.

"If you're struggling, we can help. Sara's really good at math." She added after a beat.

"I don't want _her_ help and I don't want your help!" Lindsey spat. "It's just one stupid grade, I'm gonna pass!"

"Watch your attitude, lady." Cath warned in a low voice. Lindsey turned on her, pushing herself off the couch.

"Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" She wailed. "You don't give a damn about me anyway! You don't care about my feelings!"

"Lindsey…"

"If you did, you wouldn't be dating her!"

Catherine turned; Sara and Nancy had emerged from the kitchen and were watched the exchange awkwardly. A look of hurt clouded Sara's features and she wordlessly fell back into the room.

When Catherine turned back around, Lindsey was gone.

X x x

Sara had been unusually quiet all shift, so much so that even Greg had given up trying to make her smile.

They had been processing the car for nearly an hour when she finally broke the silence by calling his name softly. He looked up, assuming she'd found something of interest, but she was still printing the car window with her back to him. "You remember when I got suspended, and you said if I wanted to talk that you were a good listener?"

"Yeah." He frowned. She finally turned around to face him and he was struck by how nervous she suddenly appeared.

"Is that offer still open?" There was an unabashed vulnerability in her voice that startled the young man.

"Of course." He put down his folder and walked towards her, but she shook her head and stepped back, reclaiming the distance between them.

"Not here. Maybe after work?" He nodded absently, a gentle frown marring his boyish features.

"Sara, are you okay?"

"No." she answered honestly, her breath hitching as she walked out, leaving him alone to stare after her despondent figure.

X x x

Greg's apartment had always been the hangout place. The party place. The couch to crash on.

And now, apparently, the place to break down in.

To say he'd been shocked was something of an understatement. But he'd kept quiet and let her talk; filling him in on the collapse of her relationship with Grissom and the budding connection with Catherine. Their problems with Lindsey and her fears that she was losing everything again.

And when she finally cracked, tears spilling from her eyes like a waterfall, he'd moved instantly to hug her.

He remembered the first time he'd hugged Sara. Back then, he'd had such a crush on her.

It was during one of the annual 120-mile Law Enforcement Races. The one they lost. He'd reached out to catch her at the end of her leg and ended up swinging her around until she landed in his arms. His heart had been pounding faster than hers, despite the fact she'd just run six miles.

This hug felt different. There was no lust or affection involved. She was clinging to him, using him to hold herself up. Greg had never been the sort of guy that girls came to when they needed to fall apart. He'd never been the hero.

But right now, that's exactly what he was. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and inhaled the scent of her hair. As much as his heart was breaking for his friend, it felt damn good to be the one holding her together.

**x x x x**

**In case anyone's worried, no Sara is not going to leave Catherine for Greg. Let me know what you think x**


	31. Navy

Even at this angle, she recognised Greg's flat. Her young friend might have grown up significantly since joining the field, but his apartment still resembled a college dorm room.

Having heard a snuffle from the couch he appeared in her line of sight with a freshly-brewed mug of coffee.

"Morning." He grinned brightly. Sara had crashed on his couch enough times; he knew not to expect a response before offering caffeine.

"Catherine?" She asked, her voice husky from sleep as she pushed herself into a seated position. He'd slipped a pillow under her head and wrapped her in a blanket, which was now tangled around her legs.

"It's alright." Greg assured her, nudging a stack of magazines aside to allow him to sit on the coffee table in front of her. "I called her. Told her we'd had a couple of drinks after work and you fell asleep."

"She'll know." Sara sighed, rolling her shoulders in an attempt to wake her muscles up. He slid from the table onto her make-shift bed and wrapped an arm tentatively around her. For a minute he suspected he may have overstepped his boundaries, after all until last night he'd barely been able to touch Sara without receiving a glare in return.

Thankfully, she gratefully leant into the hug. Her body was still warm from the embrace of sleep and he could smell her shampoo. He pressed a kiss into her tangled curls, letting her cuddle against him for a moment longer.

"I don't know what to do, Greg." She sighed against his neck.

X x x

It hadn't been that long since she'd been in Dr Capa's office, but something felt different about it today.

"Sara stayed at Greg's last night." She mumbled sadly. "She must have told him about us because he phoned me to tell me where she was."

"Why did she stay at Greg's?" He asked curiously. He didn't actually know who Greg was, but assumed it was one of their colleagues. "Did you have a fight?"

"No." She brooded. "He said they'd just had a few drinks and lost track of time."

"Do you think she's having an affair?"

At the horrified look on Catherine's face, he realised that he had misunderstood her statement.

"No! Sara wouldn't do that!" She softened her voice, shaking her head in loss. "It's just … with everything that's been going on lately with me and Lindsey: I feel like we're pushing her away." She wiped away a lone tear, probably unaware that she was even doing it. "The best thing that's happened to me in years and I'm watching it fall apart in front of my eyes."

"Do you think Sara's planning on leaving you?" He queried softly. She looked up, blue eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Wouldn't you?"

X x x

"God knows, I don't want to leave her." Sara insisted. "I just needed to vent, I guess. And I can't talk to her properly right now; she's got so much going on I don't want to burden her with my issues."

"No, but maybe it might not hurt to let her know how you're feeling." Greg suggested softly. "At least so she doesn't start worrying about you as well as Lindsey."

Sara emitted a soft laugh.

"Yeah, I hadn't thought of that." She admitted. "I just wish I could take her away somewhere, you know? Just get away from everything for one night."

"Why can't you?" He asked simply, receiving a dubious look in return.

"With our jobs. When we would have the time?"

He shrugged, but his mind was already working through the question for a potential solution.

Oblivious to his internal analysis, Sara released a heavy sigh and leant back against his body.

"Thanks for letting me stay, Greg." She mumbled tiredly. He smiled, pulling her a little tighter.

"Well, you're welcome. And you can come here anytime you need to vent." He assured her. "Mi couch es su couch."

She laughed, bringing a bright smile to his face. A knight in shining armour he may not be, but he could still cheer his best friend up when she needed it.

X x x

"Let's talk about Lindsey." Dr Capa said, changing the subject. "You said she wasn't handling the relationship well."

"No." Cath shook her head forlornly. "She's been a little better behaved recently, but she's still not happy about it." She released a sigh. "I feel like such a terrible mother."

"How so?" Capa asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"When I got divorced," Catherine explained, a sudden tremor to her voice. "I always said that anyone I dated would have to be okay by Lindsey. And look at what I'm doing." She threw her hands up helplessly. "I'm putting my own selfish desires before her, which is exactly what I swore I would never do."

Dr Capa chewed on his bottom lip for a moment.

"Do you think it would be better if you ended things with Sara?" He asked carefully, not wanting to make it sound like he was advocating that option, merely inquiring. She shrugged her shoulders, opening and closing her mouth in search of an answer.

"I should." She admitted weakly. "But I can't."

X x x

"Things are still weird at home." Lindsey answered. "Mom's gone all moody and depressed again."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Me." Linds shrugged. "I'm failing math. She wasn't happy about that." Holly made a note of that to come back to later.

"Are her and Sara still together?" She enquired.

"Yeah." She sighed. "Sara's been okay, I guess. I still don't like it though."

Holly half-smiled at the comment.

"But, do you think Sara's making your mom happy?" She probed. Lindsey pouted, but the shrink spotted a brief nod. "Well, that's a start." She smiled. It was a very small step in the right direction towards acceptance.

"Why couldn't she find a guy that makes her happy?" Lindsey asked, kicking her boot-clad feet out petulantly. Holly hummed softly.

"Well, honey, sometimes your heart does things that your head can't understand." She explained knowingly. "I'm sure your mom never expected this, or wanted it to happen." Lindsey was watching her cautiously from beneath her lashes and, despite the sceptical look in her eyes, it was apparent that this hadn't occurred to her until now. Holly continued, the voice of experience on matters of heartbreak. "Have you ever really liked someone, but been too scared or too embarrassed to tell them?"

"Yeah." Lindsey shifted in her seat, a pink blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Well, imagine that that person is someone you had to see every day. And every time you saw them, you fell for them even harder. How painful it must be, to work beside them every day for years and to know that you can't have them. And then one day, they tell you they like you too. Would you turn them down?"

Lindsey didn't answer, but the look on her face said it all.

After waiting a moment for her words to sink in, Holly cleared her throat.

"So, what's going on with math?"

X x x

"I have spent so long fantasising about what it would be like to be with Sara." Catherine explained around the lump in her throat. "And now I have that. And it's everything I dreamed it would be." She paused; trying to put into words exactly how Sara made her feel was difficult. "It's like … she makes me breakfast in bed for no reason at all. She leaves me flowers or cupcakes in my office when she knows I've had a bad day. She doesn't have to ask me how I'm feeling because she just knows. And … and none of it matters if Lindsey doesn't accept her."

She was barely holding herself together by the end of her tirade, not even attempting to fight back her sorrow and he could tell that he was about to lose her.

"Guilt is a dangerous emotion, Catherine." He warned. "I know that you want to do what you can for your daughter. But there's no reason you have to sacrifice your own happiness too."

"So what do I do?" She asked pitifully, producing a tissue from nowhere to wipe at her eyes.

"Lindsey is thirteen." He pointed out. "She's angry with the whole world and she's lashing out. But once she calms down and understands that you're not doing this to hurt her…"

"You think she'll accept it?" Catherine finished his sentiments, hope lacing her voice. He leant back in his chair with a casual shrug.

"She's your daughter. Do you think she'll accept it?"

Sara had once said to her that counsellors got paid an awful lot of money to tell you something that you already knew.

X x x

"My friends have started talking to me again." Lindsey said after a pensive silence had befallen them. "I think they feel sorry for me."

"Well, at least they're starting to move past your little spat. It's a good sign." Holly assured her. "They've probably realised that your behaviour isn't your fault."

Lindsey shrugged, staring at her shoes.

"What's wrong?" Holly asked, picking up on her change in mood.

"They don't really feel like my friends anymore." She admitted. "It's not that I don't like them anymore, it's like … I used to understand them and now I just feel … different."

"How do you feel now, Lindsey?" Holly pressed. The child looked up, sadness dancing in her ocean-blue eyes.

"Lonely."


	32. Olive

**I didn't realise how long this chapter was going to be until I finished it, but I hope you like it anyway :) x**

**x x x x**

'Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you…'

True, but they might just provoke you into hurting someone else.

X x x

"Miss Willows." Her Principal released a weary groan as he lowered himself into his seat. "We should get you your own chair in here."

Lindsey had a hundred and one responses to that but none of them would help the situation so she kept her lips sealed and fixed the man with a steady look.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened out there?" He asked when it was apparent that she wasn't going to rise to his comment. She pursed her lips and shook her head. "Lindsey?" He pressed.

"No, sir." She mumbled. He quirked an eyebrow in question.

"Fine, don't talk to me." He shrugged, snatching the phone up from the cradle on his overly-organised, unnecessarily large desk. "Maybe you'll talk to your mother instead."

Lindsey heart sank. That was the last thing she wanted to do.

X x x

"_I don't get it." Rebecca scowled. _

_Lindsey rolled her eyes; it was the most obvious gay joke in the world, the latest in a spate of the childish taunts. _

_Zoe and Lucy shared a look and fell about laughing at their friend's expense. In their heads, she'd essentially just admitted to being a lesbian. They really didn't understand why, but they knew that that was the punch line. _

_Eventually, Zoe whispered something in her ear and Becca recoiled indignantly. _

"_I'm not gay!" She howled. _

"_You said it, not us." Lucy smirked.  
If you looked close enough you could tell where her nose had broken; despite her parent's paying top dollar for it to be fixed it was still slightly crooked. It shouldn't have pleased Lindsey, but it did. _

_In attempt to shift the heat off of herself, Rebecca leant in conspiratorially and lowered her voice. _

"_I heard that Laura is." Again, Lindsey's only contribution to the conversation was a cynical eye-roll. That was no great leap of the imagination – Laura made no bones about the fact that she couldn't care less about boys. _

"_I bet Ryan is, too." Zoe giggled. "He never talks to the girls and he's always staring at Tommy."_

'That's because Tommy sits in front of him'_, Linds thought to herself. _

"_I like Ryan." Lucy frowned. "I think he's just shy." Suddenly feeling her cheeks heat up at her social blunder, Zoe tried to redeem herself. _

"_What about Sophie?" she asked, and suddenly she was back on side with the ringleader. _

"_Oh yeah, definitely!" Lucy laughed. "She should just come out and tell people. It's not fair…"_

"_Why do you even care?" Lindsey snapped, finally losing patience with the conversation. "It's none of your damn business."_

_The girls all turned to her in unison, like their heads were joined by a piece of string. _

"_What's your problem?" Zoe asked. _

"_Who cares whether someone's gay or not?" Lindsey repeated. "They shouldn't have to tell anyone." _

"_Wouldn't you want to know? What if you were changing next to someone in the locker room?" Rebecca pointed out. "Or if you went to their house for a sleepover?" _

"_So?" Lindsey shrugged. "It's not contagious." She was well aware of the fact that she was digging a hole for herself, but her mouth didn't seem to care anymore. "And so what if a girl likes you? Take it as a compliment." _

_The three teenagers all exchanged an astonished look. Lucy stepped forward, a sly grin on her face. _

"_Lindsey, is there something you want to tell us?" She asked in a sing-song voice. Lindsey felt a blush creep up her cheeks at the accusation but managed to keep her cool. _

"_What's it to you?" She asked with more confidence than she actually possessed. She turned, intending to walk away from them, but one word stopped her in her tracks. _

_She spun on her heel, facing them with blazing eyes. _

"_What did you say?" She challenged. _

_Lucy stepped closer to her, close enough that Lindsey could smell the sickly sweet perfume she'd taken to wearing. _

"_Dyke." She hissed. _

_Lindsey's arms shot out before she could stop them, shoving the girl onto the grass. Lucy blinked up at her through shocked tears. Aware that the other two were watching her as well, Lindsey moved so she was stood over the girl, cloaking her in shadow. _

"_There's nothing wrong with being gay." She spat venomously, before stalking off; leaving them to make the inevitable assumptions. _

X x x

"Hey, have you noticed that Catherine's mood has dropped again." Nick asked idly.

"I guess." Warrick shrugged, barely listening. "Hand me the magnifier, will you."

Nick placed the tool in his hand, still staring pensively at the table.

"Grissom's seems … normal, for lack of a better word." He continued. "And Sara's been in a fairly good mood the last few days, but Cath's gone back to being all over the place."

"Maybe Lindsey's acting out again?" Warrick theorised absently, his green eyes never leaving the minute evidence he was examining.

"Maybe." Nick hummed. "You want to re-evaluate your whole 'Cath has a crush on Sara' theory?" He nudged his mate playfully.

"No." Warrick stood up straight. "In fact, I think it's stronger than ever." He pointed into the hall where Catherine practically sprinted into Sara, before grabbing her arm and dragging her into the empty lab across the way.

"Maybe they're talking about a case?" The Texan offered by way of explanation, although from the proximity of the women he had to admit it was doubtful.

"Or," Warrick countered, "They're planning a hot date after work."

Nick scoffed. "Nah, no way." He sniffed, standing up straighter. "Catherine would never date a colleague."

"Maybe." Warrick parroted his mate's earlier phrase.

"Besides," Nick continued. "If something was going on Greg would know and we know he can't keep a secret."

"I bet he can if Sara's got anything to say about it." Warrick chuckled. "She'd castrate him if he started spreading rumours like this about her." Nick sent his friend an intrigued look.

"Your sure about this aren't you?"

"As sure as I am that your middle name's Foreman." Rick teased. Nick's retorting look said it all: it was on now.

"How much?" He challenged. Warrick's lips spread into a grin.

"How much you got, cowboy?"

They were far too busy making their bet to notice Sara place a sneaky kiss on Catherine's lips in the dimmed lab across the hall and when they looked back up both women had vanished.

X x x

Lindsey felt her mother's eyes on her as soon as the CSI walked in the office, but she couldn't meet her gaze; she couldn't bear to see the disappointment that was sure to be written all over her face.

"Mr Carpenter," Catherine greeted, absently wondering how many times they had to replay this encounter before it became acceptable to be on first-name terms.

"Miss Willows." He shook her hand briefly, gesturing to the chair beside her wayward daughter. She continued trying to catch Lindsey's gaze, but the girl was determined not to let that happen.

"I'm sorry we have to meet again under these circumstances." He genuinely did sound apologetic. "I'm afraid Lindsey was fighting again."

Catherine's mouth fell open beyond her control. She cast a glance at Lindsey, who was chewing her bottom lip anxiously.

"Linds?" She pressed gently.

"Lindsey, is there something you're not telling us?" Mr Carpenter asked. "Are you angry?"

For the first time, she looked up and for a moment Catherine thought she was going to tell the truth. But what came out of the girl's mouth shocked everyone in the room.

"Do you get off on asking stupid questions?"

Better question: why did she say that?

Catherine's face flushed with embarrassment.

"Lindsey!" She barked. "I … I'm sorry." She stuttered at the principal. "I don't know what to say…"

"It's okay." He held up his hands. "Maybe this would be a conversation better had between the two of you." Catherine wasn't convinced by that, but took the hint and stood up, gathering her child by the arm.

"Thank you for calling me." She mumbled awkwardly. "I'm sorry about this."

He nodded, seeing them to the door. Truth was, he felt sorry for the woman. A single parent, working full time with a disobedient child. It was by no means an enviable position to be in.

X x x

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you." Catherine shook her head, keeping her eyes on the road. Lindsey fidgeted in the seat beside her, staring into her lap. "Where did you even hear something like that?"

"I don't know." Lindsey shrugged. She did actually – Billy had said it, but she wasn't about to admit that.

"That's it, no TV." Cath sighed. Lindsey let the punishment wash over her. She hadn't watched TV in weeks anyway. The TV was downstairs and that was rarely somewhere she wanted to be.

"Whatever." She muttered, rolling her eyes.

Catherine exhaled deeply through her nose, trying to compose herself.

"Are you going to tell me what happened today?" She asked.

Lindsey abstained from answering, choosing to stare out of the window instead.

X x x

Sara's motorbike was outside the house when they pulled into the drive, propped on its stand and the sight comforted Catherine infinitely. Right now all she wanted was a hug.

Lindsey spotted it too and rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Oh goody." She muttered under her breath.

"Linds." Cath sent her a warning look, killing the engine. "Now is not a good time to be pushing your luck."

Ignoring the warning Lindsey climbed out, slamming the door behind her and stormed up the drive to the house.

Catherine followed close behind, intent on stopping her before she could disappear into her room all night.

"Whoa, hey!" she called, halting Lindsey's movements at the bottom of the stairs. Sara materialised from the kitchen. Her warm smile faded instantly when she picked up on the tension oozing off the Willows women.

"I guess it didn't go so well." She surmised.

"Lindsey, get in here." Catherine ordered, pointing to the living room. Sara slid out of the way just in time to prevent getting mowed down by the teenager.

"What?" The girl threw her hands up dramatically. Catherine stood over her, hands on hips.

"I want to know what you were fighting about." She stated coolly.

Fighting would explain the bad vibes. Sara could see the frustration brewing in her girlfriend's eyes and placed a hand gently on the small of her back in an attempt to sooth her. Lindsey scowled at the action, flicking her narrowed eyes between the two women.

"You." She hissed coldly. "We were fighting because of you."

"What do you mean?" Catherine asked, catching her by the elbow when she tried to strop off again. Lindsey lifted her eyes, anger and resentment lurking behind them.

"They were making fun of people like you. I was standing up for you." She explained in a low voice. "And now they all think I'm gay!"

For the second time today Catherine found herself speechless. Using the opportunity to her advantage, Lindsey slipped out of her grasp and stomped upstairs, willing herself to her keep her tears inside until she was out of sight.

Catherine watched her go, to stunned to stop her.

X x x

"She defended us. And I yelled at her for it." She had her head in her hands, staring at the kitchen table with such intensity, as if it might hold all the answers she was looking for.

"On the bright side," Sara mused, placing two cups of coffee on the table, "maybe she's coming around to the idea." Catherine propped her head up, searching Sara's face.

"What do I say to her, Sar?" She asked at last. "She risked her own skin for me and I blamed her for it. How can I talk to her now?"

Sara didn't have an answer to that.

"Would you mind if I tried?" She asked at last.

"Knock yourself out." Cath waved a hand tiredly, reaching for her drink. "You can't do any worse than I have."

X x x

"Go away!" The muted voice hollered through the door. She had been expecting that.

Regardless of the order, Sara nudged the door open and slipped inside.

"Hey Linds." She greeted softly. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I don't want to talk." She sulked. She was sat at her desk, her head resting on her folded arms. Sara couldn't help but liken the child to her mother when she was like this. They both buried themselves away when feeling jaded.

"I know." Sara agreed, taking up a seat on the bed. "But for your mom's sake I think you should." She paused, contemplating the best tactic to take. "I know that you care about her feelings – if you didn't then you wouldn't have defended her to your friends."

Lindsey lifted her head, sniffing back tears.

"They're not my friends." She remarked angrily. "They told the whole class that I'm gay because of what I said about you two!" In a fit of rage, she swiped a textbook off her desk. It skidded across the floor, coming to a halt at Sara's feet. The brunette calmly stooped down to retrieve it and placed it on the bed beside her.

The girl had taken up her previous position, her shoulder's jerking with sobs.

"Lindsey, did you mean it?" Sara asked softly. "Did you mean what you said to your friends?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "I guess so." The brunette smiled.

"Then who cares what they think. You and I both know that they're wrong and you're right." Lindsey turned in her seat, finally facing Sara.

"They'll make fun of me." She hiccupped.

"Maybe." Sara conceded. "But you know the best thing about people who make homophobic comments?" Lindsey shook her head, wiping at her eyes. "They're thick." That got a smile out of the girl, one which Sara matched as she reached out to tap Lindsey's hand gently where it rested on the back of the chair. "And you are the smartest kid I know. So, whatever they say, you just make them feel as stupid as they are."

Lindsey's lips twitched, like she was trying to suppress a laugh.

"And who knows," Sara continued. "There may be a student in your school who will see your stand and it'll give them the courage to come out and be who they really are."

"You think?" The girl asked softly. Sara smiled, ruffling her hair affectionately as she stood back up.

"I think you should apologise to your history book."

X x x

That could have gone worse, she decided as she made her way to Cath's bedroom. Their bedroom, she supposed, since she slept there more than her own apartment now.

Catherine was already getting ready for bed, dragging a brush through her blonde waves while simultaneously unbuttoning her shirt.

"Well?" She asked when she caught a glimpse of Sara in the mirror.

"She's okay. She's just needs some time to think."

Cath tossed her hairbrush onto the dresser and dropped onto the end of the bed, exhaustion written on her face.

"I feel awful. I can't believe what she went through for us."

Sara joined her, interlocking their hands loosely. Before she could assuage her girlfriend's fears they were interrupted by a soft knock at the bedroom door. Lindsey's head appeared around it, although she kept her gaze averted – just in case.

"Come on in Linds," Cath invited softly. "What's wrong?"

The girl shuffled into the room, avoiding eye contact with them both.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done lately." She mumbled bashfully. "And I'm sorry for what I said about you and Sara."

"Okay." Catherine frowned, taken aback. "Thank you, honey."

Lindsey stepped up to wrap her arms around Catherine's neck, leaning into her mother's body. Catherine held her tight, encasing her daughter between her legs. For a moment they just held each other, trying to convey how they felt without needing to say it. Finally Lindsey slithered out of the embrace and stepped back.

"It's okay if you want to be a lesbian, I guess." She mumbled. "As long as you stay with Sara."

Catherine was knocked for six. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, casting a sideways glance at Sara, who was matching her expression.

"Really?" She spluttered, searching blindly for Sara's hand on the bed.

Having said her piece, Lindsey turned to leave but Catherine finally found her voice and called her back.

"Hey, wait a second." She reached out and grabbed her by the wrists, pulling her back between her knees. "I know what you were trying to do earlier, and that was so sweet." She said, tucking Lindsey's hair behind her ear. "But you know that fighting isn't the way to do it, right?"

"Yeah, I know." Linds smiled weakly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, baby." Cath pulled her close enough to place a kiss on her cheek. "I love you." She mumbled against her soft skin.

Lindsey wriggled free and shuffled to the door, sending them a brief smile before slipping back into the hall.

Catherine blinked.

"What the hell did you say to her?" She gasped. Sara shrugged, pulling Cath onto her lap.

"Nothing she didn't already know." She peppered kisses along the woman's jaw line, nuzzling the sensitive skin. "So, I guess I've got permission to do this…"

Oblivious to the actions, Catherine climbed off of Sara and walked to the door, peering into the hallway. Lindsey's bedroom door was shut, the sound of rock music already drifting from the room.

"She did just say that." The blonde clarified. "I didn't imagine it, she really just said …"

Sara grinned at her, arching her eyebrows in question. Leaning against the door until it clicked shut, a devilish smile danced across Cath's lips. Without a second thought, she pounced on Sara from across the room, pinning her to the sheets.

It was probably a good thing that Lindsey liked her music loud.


	33. Wine

**This one took longer than I'd anticipated to get up, but I hope you like it :) Let me know what you think x**

**x x x x**

Catherine tightened her bathrobe as she sailed into the kitchen, a lazy smile on her face. Lindsey was already up, munching on her cereal at the kitchen table.

"Morning baby." Cath ran a hand through her daughter's silky hair as she ambled to the coffee pot.

Lindsey scrutinized her for a long moment, trying to determine the cause of her good mood.

"Oh, gross." She muttered under her breath when it dawned on her that her mom wasn't dressed and Sara wasn't up.

"Hey, you gave us your blessing." Catherine pointed out, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head. "You can't take it back now." She slid into the seat beside her and took a long sip of her coffee before taking in Lindsey's attire. "You're not going to school in that."

The girl gave her a puzzled look. "Um mom, I'm suspended." She reminded her. "I'm not going to school."

"Yes you are." Catherine countered, stifling a yawn. "We're going to overturn your suspension."

"How?" Linds asked, pausing with the spoon halfway to her mouth. Cath flashed her a grin.

"You stood up for me and Sara. Now we're going to do the same for you."

X x x

"So, you get everything sorted with Lindsey?" Nick asked, casting a brief glance towards his colleague. He didn't know what had actually happened but he knew that it was the reason she had left work early the day before.

"Yeah, it's all sorted." She smiled. She had been unusually happy today, he noted. But then he could never quite pinpoint her mood lately.

"Good." He nodded. "I'm sure she's going to be fine. She's a teenager; you know what they're like."

"Yeah." Cath agreed absently, her attention still focussed on the ALS light in her hands. Nick evidently misread the lack of enthusiasm in her voice as scepticism and attempted to reassure her.

"I know you've been having a lot of trouble with her lately but it's not your fault. You're a great mom; she's just at an awkward age."

"I know. She's alright, Nicky." Cath assured him but he wasn't listening. Warrick was watching his mate with great enjoyment as he determined to dig himself into a pit.

"And just because you're a single parent, it doesn't mean you have to deal with her alone."

Catherine had taken off her orange goggles and was watching Nick with an amused smile.

"I'm not alone." She declared. He smiled, not picking up on the hint.

"No, of course not." He agreed. "You've got us. And, you know, it's okay if you wanted to date… not that you don't date." He quickly corrected when she raised an eyebrow at him. "I just mean that you shouldn't feel like you have to dedicate all of your time to her. You need a life too – not that you don't already have a life, of course!"

Warrick was struggling to hold himself together on the other side of the table as he watched his friend attempt to extract the foot from his mouth.

"Thank you." Cath smiled, biting back the urge to laugh. "But I'm fine." She made to leave but paused and leant towards his ear, speaking just loud enough that Warrick could hear as well. "And thanks for the permission, but I don't think Sara would appreciate me dating other people."

Both boys' gazes snapped around towards her departing figure.

While Nick struggling to find his misplaced mute-button, Warrick wandered around the table and patted him on the shoulder.

"I guess breakfasts on you, buddy." He said with a wide grin.

"Hey, we don't know that she meant that." The Texan countered weakly, still reeling from the words whispered in his ear.

X x x

Sara was so engrossed in the folder that she was reading that she never even heard the first two remarks.

The third one she heard clear as day.

And the fourth one was from Hodges, so she could hardly miss it.

"So, I hear you've tamed the shrew." He declared, jumping out at her.

"What?" She blinked, trying to deduce where he'd come from.

"I'm curious, which one of you wears the pants?" He continued, oblivious to the fact they were in the middle of the hallway. She frowned, suddenly catching on. As her mind attempted to come up with some retort, a voice piped up from behind him.

"Who says we wear anything?"

Hodges jumped, whirling round to see Catherine smirking at him. She skirted around him to place a quick kiss on Sara's lips before turning back to the startled lab rat.

"It's more fun without pants." She winked at him, sashaying down the corridor, leaving two stunned scientists in her wake.

Hodges stared at Sara, wide-eyed, but she had bigger things to concern herself with.

"Excuse me." She smiled tightly at him, taking off at God-speed after the blonde.

"Women." Hodges shook his head helplessly.

X x x

"I hear you and Sara are an item now."

Catherine looked up from her paperwork to find Grissom lurking in her office. Slowly, she took her glasses off and fixed him with as sympathetic a look as she could muster.

"Yeah." She twisted her pen between her hands nervously. "Are you okay with it?"

"Would it make a difference if I wasn't?" He asked softly. She chewed her lip, deciding that he probably wouldn't like her answer. Eventually he released a sigh. "I want her to be happy." He said. "And it seems you make her happy."

"I hope so." She agreed softly. He didn't smile, but offered a small nod as he turned to leave.

"Funnel Cake Café." He stated enigmatically from the threshold. Cath looked back up and blinked at him.

"I'm sorry?"

"It's a coffee shop on West Sahara. Sara loves the brownies they have there." He explained. "If you want to make her happy, I'd start there."

Cath's lips spread into a grateful smile and she nodded appreciatively.

"Duly noted."

X x x

"Well, I'm not going to lie." Sara hummed. "It was a shock."

"I know," Cath nuzzled her face softly. "I was trying to give you some warning, but you're a very difficult person to find."

Sara smiled. Her ability to evade people for long periods of time had come in handy on many occasions.

They were currently curled up on Catherine's couch, paying no attention to the TV which was chattering to itself on low volume.

"At least everyone seems to have taken it well." Cath continued.

"They're scared of you." Sara retorted. Catherine sent her a feral grin.

"And you're not?" She teased. Sara laughed, her hands creeping around the blonde's waist.

"I know your weak spots." She pointed out, drawing a startled squeal from her girlfriend as she tickled her sides without warning.

"Alright, I give in!" Cath squeaked, trying and failing to worm her way out of Sara's grip. The brunette relinquished her hold and Catherine glared at her. "That was mean." She pouted, settling back into her previous position. She made sure to hold Sara's hands firmly on her stomach in case they decided to wander again.

"Well then you'd better keep me sweet, in case I feel like doing it again." Sara murmured in her ear, peppering kisses against the back of her neck. Catherine felt her body react to the touch, goose-bumps springing up all over her skin.

"Speaking of which…" she said in a husky voice, attempting to reign in her rising lust. She leant far enough out of Sara's embrace to reach into her bag beside the couch, producing a small white cardboard box, which she placed in Sara's lap.

The brunette grinned at the familiar logo. "How did you know?" she asked, peeping inside. Her smile spread when the smell of brownies drifted out of the box.

"I had a little help." Cath admitted, doodling circles on the back of Sara's hand.

"Grissom." She realised aloud, barely disguising the pang of guilt in her voice.

"He's okay; he just wants you to be happy." Cath assured her, although she couldn't help but feel for the man as well. She had, after all, caused the breakdown of the only good thing in his life; even if it was inevitable.

Tentative footsteps on the stairs interrupted their little contemplative moment.

"Mom?" Lindsey asked nervously, shuffling towards them. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Catherine and Sara exchanged a look and Sara moved to stand up.

"Why don't I make us a drink?" She said, extracting herself from the older woman. However, before she could leave Lindsey grabbed her wrist lightly, nudging her back towards the couch.

"No, I want to talk to both of you." She clarified. Sara dropped back down with a look of surprise.

"What's wrong, hon?" Cath asked, sitting forward. Lindsey cleared her throat.

"We've been rehearsing for a play," she announced. This was news to Catherine, but then they hadn't really talked about normal things like drama classes in a long time, so she kept quiet and nodded for Linds to continue. "Tickets are available next week. I want you two to come."

Catherine's lips fell into a smile.

"Sure, of course." She grinned. "We'll definitely be there, right?"

"Yeah, absolutely." Sara agreed, squeezing Cath's hand. "What's the play?"

"It's Moliere's Tartuffe" Lindsey smiled. "I'm Elmire."

"Awesome. I read that play in college." Sara smiled. "'Love for the beauty of eternal things  
Cannot destroy our love for earthly beauty'"

Catherine looked between them, beaming brightly. She had no idea what Sara was talking about, but Lindsey seemed to have understood it.

Once the girl scuttled back to her room she turned to Sara.

"Congratulations." She said brightly, patting her knee. "You're officially a parent."


	34. Fandango

**Only two more chapters to go! x**

**x x x x**

"Just to be clear this is a _play_ right, not a pantomime?" Sara clarified, awkwardly tugging at her clothes in front of the mirror. "I'm not expected to participate."

"Relax." Catherine smiled, reaching around her girlfriend to adjust the tasteful silk scarf around her neck. "It's a play."

"Good." Sara smiled, albeit briefly as her gaze settled back on her reflection. "I look like I'm going to a dinner party."

"No, you look like a respectable parent." Catherine clarified, wandering in front of her to press a kiss to her lips. Sara gave her a smile and a once over.

"So what are you supposed to be?" she quipped. Catherine was wearing a very flattering and very sexy green dress which only served to highlight her assets. "Because my mom never dressed like that to my school."

Cath swatted her arm playfully, turning to check her make-up in the mirror.

"Are you complaining?" She asked. Sara looked her up and down from behind and smiled.

"Did I say that?" She asked. Catherine smirked at her in the mirror.

"I can hear that, lady." She said. Sara smiled innocently, although it didn't disguise the devil dancing in her eyes.

"What?"

"That thought in your head." The blonde laughed. Satisfied that she was ready, she snatched her purse off the bed and sashayed to the door with a swing in her hips. "Maybe if you're good tonight it might just come true."

Sara trailed behind her with an intrigued look.

"Define 'good'."

X x x

"Do you know all these people?" Sara asked, glancing uneasily around the room at the mass of parents.

"Some of them." Cath squinted through the crowds, making a note of the familiar faces. She felt Sara shuffling beside her and placed a comforting hand on her arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Sara smiled. "This is actually kind of fun; I've never been to anything like this." Cath grinned, leaning in to place a kiss on her lips. "But if they start handing out props I'm waiting in the car." She continued adamantly. With a soft laugh, Cath tugged her further into the room. The main hall had been decked out with rows of chairs stolen from classrooms. An oversized poster advertising the play hung on the door.

Whether it was the excited squeak emitted by the blonde when they spotted Lindsey, their somewhat overdressed attire or the fact they were holding hands no one would know, but something started to catch the attention of other parents.

Catherine sensed the stares first. The cold, hard looks from the more conservative parents and the double-takes from the rest. She leant close to Sara's ear, close enough to catch the scent of her perfume and tickle her neck with her breath.

"I think we've been rumbled."

Sara looked around, as if only noticing the looks they were receiving for the first time.

"Well, maybe we should give them something to stare at." She arched her eyebrows suggestively.

Catherine grinned, taking a step closer until there was barely a hair's breadth between them. Casting a brief glance to the sides, she pressed her lips to Sara's, sliding her tongue between the brunette's lips.

Their kiss was interrupted by an impatient little cough.

"Mom." Lindsey rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. The women pulled apart, sharing an impish smile.

"Yes honey?" Cath asked sweetly, throwing her arm around Sara's shoulder. Lindsey brushed the embarrassment off and smiled brightly at them now she had their attention.

"Did you bring it?" She asked excitedly. Cath rifled through her purse and produced a small china elephant. It was a good luck charm, as she'd explained to Sara in the car. Eddie had given it to Lindsey on her first day at elementary school. It lived in a jewellery box apart from exams and school plays when she needed an extra boost of confidence.

Lindsey clutched it between her hands for a moment before slipping it into her pocket protectively.

"You ready?" Sara asked, taking in her outfit. Having never had the confidence to take part in school plays, she couldn't put into words how much she admired the girl right now.

"I think so." Lindsey grinned. Some of the parents were starting to take their seats so Lindsey grabbed one hand each and tugged them both towards the front. "I want to be able to see you." She declared, dropping them on the second row.

"Ah damn, I was already planning my escape route." Sara joked. Lindsey was about to retort but a teacher appeared on stage calling for all actors to get ready, so she threw her arms around both women in a brief hug before scuttling off with her classmates.

Catherine slipped her hand into Sara's and grinned.

"Welcome to the upside of parenting." She whispered as the lights went down.

X x x

Lindsey stealthily felt the china elephant in her pocket, a silent reminder that she could do this. The first few acts had gone well; she'd had a lot of lines and hadn't bungled any of them yet. Now, towards the end of the fourth Act, she had a few big scenes with her 'love interest' and her 'husband' – played by the class pretty boy and the class moron respectively.

Sara, having read the play, knew what was coming and nudged Catherine gently every time Lindsey was due on stage.

"A total monster; he's an utter cad!" Aidan waved his hands as he crawled out from beneath the table. Lindsey resisted the urge to roll her eyes, forcing herself to keep in character. She hadn't a clue how this idiot had been allowed in the play. "He's diabolical … completely bad!" The boy continued clumsily.

She stepped forward, straightening up to project her voice like her drama teacher had taught her. "Oh, coming out already? …"

The rest of the line remained hanging as a small, dark-haired girl wearing a maid's outfit and too much eye make-up piped up from her conspicuous spot at the back of the stage:

"Too late, your mom already did that."

It wasn't exactly shouted, but it's amazing how well sound carries in a deathly silence.

Catherine's nails sank into Sara's skin.

Lindsey's face fell.

There was a loud guffaw from the other side of the hall and a few parents snickered into their hands but most remained in silent shock at the unexpected ad lib.

Impressively, Lindsey cleared her throat and stiffened her back.

"No, not yet." She managed to say. "Why not wait there for some more certain threat?"

However, she didn't hear her companion's response; so deafening was the sound of the words mocking her inside her head.

"Just one more line." Sara muttered under her breath. If she could make it to the end of the scene she would be fine. Just one more line.

"Why stop him now?" Lindsey stuttered, visibly struggling to keep it together. "My dress is scarcely creased!"

And then she ran, tears streaming from her decorated blue eyes.

X x x

Catherine was oddly quiet as they searched the deserted halls for her AWOL daughter.

Sara, by comparison, was furious.

"Who raises these kids?" She huffed. "And what the hell was she even doing on stage? There's no maid in that scene!"

"I just want to take her home." Cath sighed, shaking her head as they stumbled their way into another branch of the maze-like school. Taking the hint, Sara shut up and focused on scouring the halls.

"Runaway at three o'clock." She mumbled at last, nodding down the hall. Catherine followed her gaze and dropped her shoulders sadly. Lindsey was sat on a bench, swinging her feet despondently. At the sound of their footsteps, she looked up, tears staining her flushed cheeks.

"Baby, you okay?" Cath asked, crouching in front of her.

"No." She sobbed, curling up in the seat. This was far too familiar for them both – this was exactly how it had started out the night Eddie died: Lindsey was the star of the show and her parents ruined it. Cath felt Sara kneel down beside her.

"I'm sorry Linds." The brunette offered quietly. The girl looked up, wiping at her eyes. After a moment she shrugged weakly.

"Not your fault." She acknowledged. "I was the one who told them."

"Don't blame yourself, honey." Cath reached up and tucked her hair aside. "You did good, though." She offered as a condolence. The words, like the situation, felt too familiar.

Lindsey shrugged again.

"The kid playing Orgon butchered the role." Sara scowled, eliciting a small smile from the teenager.

"He's an idiot." The girl offered by way of explanation.

"No kidding." Sara scoffed. "Is he illiterate too?"

That time Lindsey laughed. Cath smiled, stroking her hair affectionately.

"All your classmates are going out for pizza afterwards." She reminded her, hope creeping into her voice.

"I don't want to go out with them." Linds sulked, sliding further down the seat. Sara shifted her weight so she was resting her folded arms on the bench and looking up at the girl.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked.

Lindsey met her gaze eagerly. "Home." Catherine nodded, offering her a hand to pull her up.

"Okay sweetie, let's go home."

"Maybe we could get our own pizza?" Sara suggested as they gathered their coats together. "Takeout and a movie?"

"Yeah, how about it?" Cath asked. Lindsey nodded, wiping at her eyes. She even managed a small smile.

"Okay."

"Okay." Cath parroted. "What movie do you want to watch?"

"Not Tartuffe." They laughed blithely, humming in agreement.

"Good idea, the film sucks." Sara stated. Lindsey slotted herself between them and took one of each their hands.

They got halfway down the hallway when the sound of giggling reached their ears and they turned in unison, a connected entity.

Two girls, Madame Pernelle and the loudmouth maid, were giggling to themselves at the end of the corridor. The CSIs had spent so long searching the halls, the play must have ended by now. Lindsey's face crumpled and she instantly dropped her hands to her side.

Without a word, Sara stooped down and picked her up with remarkable ease, balancing her on her hip like one would a small child. Catherine blinked at the interaction, but to her surprise it worked. The girls were staring at the pair too, their eyes wide and their mouths agape. Lindsey wrapped her arms around Sara's neck and allowed herself to be carried. Cath slipped an arm around Sara's back and the three of them resumed their conversation on their way out of the school; not giving a damn who was staring anymore.

X x x

"She asleep?" Sara asked, sensing Cath enter the bedroom. She was sprawled on the bed, her arm thrown over her eyes.

"Yeah, out like a light." Catherine yawned, sinking onto the mattress beside Sara. "That was quite a show you put on." she commented. "You'll put your back out if you continue to carry her like that though."

"I didn't know what else to do." Sara admitted, propping herself up on her elbows. "I just wanted to get her out of there as fast as possible. I don't like seeing kids cry."

"Well it worked." Cath moved to rest her head on Sara's stomach, letting her eyes drift closed.

"I don't know how you do it." The brunette continued thoughtfully. Cat emitted a questioning grumble. "Parenting. I don't understand the trick to it."

"No trick." She murmured sleepily. "Just trial and error."

"And what happens if you get error?" Sara queried with a hint of concern.

"You try again." Catherine sat up, meeting Sara's gaze for the first time. There was fear lurking behind those brown orbs. "You're seriously worried about this." She realised aloud.

"Yes." Sara blinked at her. "You've had practice at this. I don't know how to be a parent."

The older woman laughed heartily. "Honey, no one knows how to be a parent. It's just something you figure out as you go along."

"Really?" She didn't look convinced.

"Sara, look at the mess I've made of it in the last few months. Things go wrong, you fix them." She peppered a kiss against her neck. "There's no such thing as 'good parents'. There are just normal parents."

"And bad parents." Sara pointed out, her voice taking on a darker tone. "You don't have to look any further than my family to see that."

Catherine pulled back and scrutinised her. They had talked briefly about Sara's upbringing, of course, but this was the first time Sara had brought it up herself. Normally Cath would have to tease information out of her gradually. She reached up and let her fingertips graze Sara's cheek.

"Sweetie, you're not like them." She assured her girlfriend. Sara shifted on the bed, wondering how the conversation had suddenly got here. Realising she wasn't going to get an answer, Cath continued. "And that's exactly why you're the best person for Lindsey. Just do the exact opposite of what your parents did and you'll do great."

Sara's lips twitched into a smile.

"You think?"

Catherine's answer was to roll over until she was covering Sara's body with her own and their foreheads were tipped together.

"I know." She mumbled, stealing a kiss. "And who knows, maybe if we're both average parents, together we'll make one great parent between us?"

Sara laughed, sending a shiver coursing through Catherine's bones.

"That sounds like a plan." She agreed softly, tilting her head up to catch her girlfriend's lips. Her hands found their way to Cath's hips, still encased in the satin dress, and the blonde melted under her touch.

"I think you were good enough tonight." She murmured into the kiss.


	35. White

**One to go! Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed :) Let me know what you think, I hope you've enjoyed the ride! x**

**x x x x**

"-5, 17, 29, 6…" Sara nodded along as Lindsey read out her answers, intermittently glancing at her own notes in-between flipping the pancakes over.

"You're going to ace this test." She informed her brightly. The girl grinned, slipping her homework into her school bag.

"I hope so." She agreed. "My math teacher still doesn't like me."

"You're math teacher's a jackass." Sara commented, placing a plate and a bottle of syrup in front of her acquired daughter. "It's a miracle he doesn't put himself to sleep never mind anyone else."

Lindsey laughed, sinking her fork into the stack of pancakes.

"Where's mom?" She asked around a big mouthful of food.

"Still in bed." Sara cast a glance at the clock, reading her mind.

"She's going to be late." Lindsey sing-songed. Sara nodded, clicking the cooker off and dumping the pan in the sink.

"I'll go wake her."

"Maybe if you went to sleep earlier…" Linds muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes as she took another bite.

X x x

The covers had slipped down exposing her bare back to the cold air, but she didn't seem to mind. She had star-fished across the bed on her stomach, one hand clutching Sara's pillow, the other tucked protectively beneath her chest. Sara laughed softly at the sight. It was so cute she almost didn't want to wake her.

"Cat, babe?" She said softly, shaking her gently by the shoulder.

Cath groaned, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"What time is it?" She mumbled into her pillow.

"Breakfast time." Sara chirped, running a hand up and down her back. Catherine arched her spine at the contact, emitting a contented purr. After a few minutes Sara stood up and started to get dressed.

Catherine grumbled her dissent, rolling back onto her stomach and blinking her eyes open. Sara wandered into her line of sight, rifling through the wardrobe for something to wear. Cath propped herself up on her elbows, watching the brunette with a tired smile. When Sara caught a glimpse of her staring she frowned.

"What?"

"Nothing." The blonde shrugged, stifling a yawn. "Just thinking."

"About?" Sara pressed, tugging her jeans on.

"Us." Cath stretched, flexing her fingers as she reached out towards her girlfriend. "I was thinking about the last four years."

Sara gave her a look. "Has it been that long already?" She joked; but Catherine wasn't listening, her mind still elsewhere.

"I waited so long for this." She murmured, her expression taking on a pensive scowl. "I imagined what it would be like; your kiss, your touch. I had this image in my head, this ideal relationship."

Sara had finally drifted back into her reach, so she let her outstretched hand caress her leg absently. Sara moved to sit beside her on the bed, her gaze serious now.

"Should I be worried about where you're going with this?" She asked softly. Cath rolled over, smiling up at Sara.

"No. You're perfect." She hummed. Sara rested her hand on Catherine's bare stomach, tracing patterns on the warm skin.

"So, why all the thinking?"

The older woman sat up, holding the covers against her. Her strawberry-blonde locks fell haphazardly around her shoulders.

"Four years I wanted to be able to touch you whenever I wanted. And whenever I was near enough to do it, I went crazy." She explained softly, her skin flushing at the mere memory of it. "It was so painful, but it was incredible at the same time. I used to get such a rush whenever I was near you." She licked her lips, her hand finding its way to Sara's thigh. "I just don't want to forget that feeling just because I have you now."

Sara didn't fully understand this so she wasn't going to try and pose an answer. Instead, she leant forward and drew Catherine into a kiss.

"Still getting that rush?" She asked softly, moving her lips to Catherine's jaw. Cath nodded, releasing a strangled sigh. "Then we don't need to worry." Sara smiled against her skin.

X x x

"Please, let yourselves in." Catherine said sarcastically, rummaging through the fridge as her sister wandered in. She could hear Lily's voice drifting in from the living room.

"We will, thank you." Nancy reached around her, helping herself to a bottle of water. As she did she caught an unfamiliar scent on her sister. "I take it Sara's here." She asked casually. Catherine turned, sending her a puzzled frown. "You're wearing her perfume."

Cath's cheeks turned pick and her hand flew to her neck.

"No, she's not actually." She corrected, clearing her throat in an attempt to diffuse attention from her blush. "She just left."

Before Nancy could probe for more information, her son wandered in with a perplexed expression.

"Hey Jeremy." Catherine greeted brightly, running a hand through her nephew's sandy-coloured hair. "Lindsey's outside."

He scuttled off in search of her and the women followed him through to the back yard with their drinks. Lindsey, sprawled on her stomach on a sun-lounger, had put down the book she was reading and was listening to her cousin animatedly tell her something. With their heads tipped together and their pale skin side by side, they could just as easily be siblings.

The sisters took a seat on the top step of the wooden patio, basking in the afternoon sunlight.

"He wanted to see her." Nancy explained their impromptu visit at last. "He said he had something to give her."

"Did you have to bring mom?" Cath queried nodding to the house, where Lily had decided to clean and was busying herself in the kitchen.

"She caught us as we were leaving, I could hardly say no." Nancy shrugged. "Anyway, what's the problem?"

"I don't know. She's just been … weird."

"Weird?" Nancy peered at her over the top of her sunglasses.

"With Sara." Cath elaborated. "It's like she wants to say something to me, but she doesn't know how."

"So, ask her." Nance suggested as if it were that simple. "It's not like you to beat around the bush … so to speak." Catherine swatted her on the arm lightly, but the words danced around her head for a moment. Eventually, with the resigned sigh of someone who knew they were walking towards a noose, she stood up and dusted herself down.

"Keep an eye on them." She said, gesturing to the kids. "I could be a while."

"Consider it done." Nancy promised, stretching out on her back on the patio.

X x x

"Are you still seeing the shrink?" Jeremy asked, doodling patterns into the concrete slabs with a chalky pebble.

"Yeah, once a week." Lindsey sighed. She was hanging off the edge of the sun-lounger, surveying his artwork. "She's alright though. She's helping."

"Good." He nodded. "So, you're okay now?"

She looked up and smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."

"Good." He nodded, sinking his hand into his pocket. "Because I brought you something."

She peered into his cupped hands with intrigue.

"I found it in a thrift store one day with mom." He explained. "It looks like yours."

She picked up the little elephant, examining it carefully. It did look like hers, only with a different pattern.

"Yeah, it does." She agreed softly, stroking the smooth china.

"Now you have two." Jem grinned. "You can never have too many good luck charms."

X x x

Catherine watched her daughter wrap Jeremy into a hug through the kitchen window. She would give anything to be able to hear what they were saying.

"How did Lindsey do on her math test?" Lily asked, busy rearranging the ingredients of Cath's fridge.

"She said it went well." She answered, reluctantly tearing her gaze from the children. "Sara's been helping her study."

She hadn't planned this, but it seemed like a good jumping off point.

Lily grunted something in response, her head still out of sight.

"She's really good at math." Catherine continued, ambling over and dropping into a chair. "And she's sweet with Linds, loves spending time with her."

"I'm sure." Lily agreed absently.

"And you still don't like her." Cath surmised quietly, waiting for the inevitable awkward silence to follow.

Lily finally stopped what she was doing and gave her daughter her full attention.

"Honey, it doesn't matter what I think." She said, joining her at the table. "I want you to be happy, and if this is what makes you happy then that's fine." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I admit it's not the lifestyle I would have chosen for you."

"Yeah, well, you and me both." Cath laughed nervously. Lily smiled, reaching for her hand.

"For what it's worth Cathy, I think Sara's a lovely girl." She assured her. "And if she makes you and Lindsey happy then I'm glad you found her."

"Really?" Catherine blinked up at her from beneath her lashes.

"Really. It's just going to take some time to get used to." Lily explained. She paused, considering something. "Look, Sam and I are going for dinner next week. Why don't you and Sara come along?"

"Double date with the parents?" Cath scoffed. "That's not going to be awkward."

"All the more reason to get it over with." Lily suggested. When Catherine appeared to be considering the offer, she kissed her daughter's head and stood up. "Think about it, get back to me."

X x x

Warrick bounded into the locker room with a cheerful grin.

"Alright, family time at Franks." He announced. "Everyone's in, even Grissom!"

"What's the occasion?" Cath asked, buttoning up her jacket.

"Nick owes me breakfast." He smirked, patting his mate on the back.

Nick laughed, shifting his gaze subtly to the girls. "Oh, we settled on that are we?" He asked. Catherine and Sara remained oblivious to the shifty looks being passed between the two men as they gathered their things. Without even thinking, Cath reached over and swept Sara's hair out of the back of her coat before turning to the men expectantly.

"We ready?"

"Yeah, yeah." Nick snapped his mouth shut and cleared his throat. "Ready when you are."

The woman filed out and Warrick leant closer to Nick, a cocky grin playing on his lips.

"Yeah, we're settled on that."

X x x

"Where's Greg?" Grissom asked once they were seated in a booth with their food, noting the absence of the youngest team member.

"He was in interrogation with Brass." Sara answered. "They got a lead on their 419."

"He'll be here." Nick assured them. "He never passes up a good meal."

"Unlike you, huh Nicky?" Catherine teased.

It had not gone unnoticed by them that Cath's hand had brushed down Sara's side as they took their jackets off or how Sara had stepped aside to let Cath slide into the booth before her. The question hung in the air for a moment as the boys scrutinised them. The way they were leant slightly towards each other. The constant little brushes of contact, the unique giggle Catherine seemed to save for Sara's jokes.

Eventually Nick put down his coffee mug and fixed them with an amused smile.

"So, are you guys going to fill us in or what?" The women exchanged a look.

"On what, Nicky?" Catherine asked sweetly. He laughed, raising an eyebrow at the two of them expectantly.

Sara sent him a coy smile.

"Why, do you know something?" She asked, pursing her lips. He turned to her, a playful twinkle in his chocolate brown eyes.

"Well I don't know Sara, is there something we should know?"

"Will you guys knock it off?" Grissom piped up, taking a sip of his coffee. "Everyone knows."

Cath and Sara laughed gleefully and the blonde stealthily slipped her hand into Sara's.

"You're no fun." She declared of the older man.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" Warrick asked, getting them back on track.

"You weren't exactly our top priority." Catherine answered honestly. "No offence."

"How is Lindsey doing?" Grissom asked, deciphering their cryptic answer. The women shared a look and answered together.

"Better."

Nick and Warrick laughed at the unified response.

"Well, I think it's awesome." The Texan announced. "And I think it calls for a toast." He picked up his chipped and stained coffee mug, holding it in the air, but before he could continue Greg came blustering up to the table and threw himself into the booth beside Sara.

"Sorry I'm late; I got tied up in interrogation with Brass." He explained. "He's not coming, by the way."

"Oh, well more bacon for me." Nick grinned, dropping his hand back down.

"So, what were you guys talking about?" Greg asked, swiping a piece of toast from Sara's plate. Nick and Warrick shared a devious smile.

"Oh, we were just talking about how Cath and Sara have been keeping their hot love affair secret." Nick answered casually, trying to keep a straight face in expectation of the younger man's response.

Greg, however, just scoffed.

"Pfft. I already knew that."


	36. Rainbows

**End of the line, people :) I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. Leave a review, let me know what you thought. **

**Next two stories are already in planning, so the next one should be up in a few days.**

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed :) You're all awesome!  
**

**KC x  
**

**x x x x**

"You okay?"

Catherine jumped at the soft voice. She turned; Sara was leaning against the doorframe with a compassionate smile.

"Hey, how long have you been standing there?" Cath asked.

"Long enough." Sara answered, nodding to the phone in Catherine's hand. "You alright?"

"Yeah, actually." The older woman smiled weakly, dropping the phone back into its cradle. "I think."

"Good." Sara pushed herself off the wall and ambled towards her. Without needing to be asked Catherine walked into her arms, releasing a sigh against her neck. "You're doing the right thing." Sara assured her.

"I know." Cath nodded, nestling into her warm embrace.

After what felt like an age, they pulled apart and dropped onto the couch. Their gazes fell in tandem onto the leaflet sitting innocently on the coffee table.

"It'll be good for her." Catherine nodded at last.

After a lot of talking with Lindsey and Holly, they had elected to send her to a drama summer camp. It was a place where teenagers could hone their acting skills, take part in workshops and meet new friends from all over America.

It was also a chance for Lindsey to get away from everything and everyone who had caused her some pain in the last few months. She would be in Texas for four whole weeks.

"I'm going to miss her." Cath breathed.

"I know." Sara said softly, interlocking their hands on the couch. "Me too. But she'll love it."

"Yeah, she will."

"She'll love you for it." Sara added pointedly. "You're giving her a chance she might never get again."

"What am I going to do for a month?" The blonde asked, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. "I'll go crazy."

"Well then, I'll just have to keep you busy won't I?" Sara teased, nudging her gently. Catherine smiled, returning the motion.

"Yeah, you will." She leant forward, capturing her lips.

"Gross." Lindsey's voice sailed in from the bottom of the stairs. The adults pulled apart, sharing a smile.

"Come here." Cath beckoned, picking up the leaflet. Lindsey shuffled over, suspicion clouding her features; this kind of order usually meant she was in trouble.

Cath held the piece of paper out to her, waiting for it to register.

"I can go?" The girl asked, trying not to let too much hope creep into her voice. They'd talked about it, but they also talking about going on Caribbean cruises and buying a summer house in the south of France!

"Yes, you can go." Cath smiled. "Providing you pass math!"

The two women were ambushed into a fierce hug.

"I love you guys!" she squealed, squeezing them tightly before releasing them. "I have to phone Jem!"

They watched her bound back upstairs, the pamphlet clutched in her hand. Catherine chuckled softly, shaking her head.

"You're a great parent." Sara stated warmly. Cath smiled at her, leaning in for another kiss.

"No, _we're_ great parents."

X x x

"Bomb squad has cleared the convertible." Grissom announced, walking into the room break room. "Where's Sara?"

"Last time I saw her she was catching a few Zs in the locker room." Warrick answered, not tearing his gaze from his magazine.

"I'll find her." Nick stood up and stretched, having just awoken from his own nap. They'd been confined to the lab for so long; concentration and energy had started to fade.

"No it's alright." Catherine held up her hands, already heading to the door. "I'll get her."

Alright so it wasn't entirely an innocent gesture, and judging by the boys' smirks they knew it.

True to Warrick's word Sara was still asleep, her hand hanging loosely off the bench. Cath crept in, closing the door behind her.

"Sara?" She sang, leaning over the sleeping form. "Time to work, sweetie."

Sara stirred but didn't fully wake up.

"Five more minutes." She murmured. With an impish grin, Cath covered the women's body with her own and pressed a kiss to her neck.

"Well now, I don't think Ecklie would approve of that." She mumbled against Sara's skin.

"Ecklie can go to hell." Sara muttered, finally blinking her eyes open. As the room swam into view she suddenly realised where she was and sat up, resulting in Catherine sliding onto her lap to avoid being knocked over. "You shouldn't do that to me." She whined, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"But it's so much fun." Cath teased, pressing her lips to Sara's forehead. Sara offered a mock-stern scowl, wrapping her arms around Cath's waist. The blonde patted her butt gently, encouraging her to get up. "Come on, there's a shiny convertible waiting for you in the garage."

"Oh, finally." Sara hummed, stretching. "Something to process."

X x x

"Where's that Sara chick?"

Catherine did a double take. Her instinctive jealousy told her to smack him upside the head, but she managed to restrain herself. Nick had made a crack earlier about Sara flirting with a suspect, presumably it was this joker. Brushing the comment off, she tossed the folder onto the table in front of him and swung herself into a chair.

"Oh Romeo, I don't think you have time for romance." She drawled. "You're being charged with grand theft auto, obstruction of justice and conspiracy to murder."

"Okay, I will cop to everything but the murder." Mikey Shoemaker straightened up, flattening his hands on the table. Catherine opened the folder and slid a photograph of Nick's car across the table.

"Well, if you didn't commit the murder, why did you steal the car?" She asked. He sat forward, all but ignoring the picture.

"Look, the lady was already dead, all right?" He insisted. "And then, then you guys show up and this bridesmaid comes up to me and starts asking me all these questions about my tow truck."

"Which bridesmaid?" Cath cut in. His lips twitched into a sneer.

"The hot one." She rolled her eyes. This man was already starting to grate on her nerves. "Next thing I know, she wants to be the Bonnie to my Clyde. Asked me to steal this car and trash all the evidence."

"So you committed grand theft auto to get laid?" She clarified. Idly, she wondered how far she would have gone if Sara had offered such an opportunity a few years ago, but she quickly brushed the thought aside. Mikey had sat back in his chair and folded his arms, a cocky grin on his face.

"Ever stolen a two-ton piece of machinery? It is way better than sex." She had so many responses to that on the tip of her tongue, but she decided to keep them to herself. "And finding a girl that doesn't want to kick you to the curb for it? I mean, come on. That is just hot." He shrugged. "Besides, I hadn't gotten a wedding gift for my sister yet."

Catherine shook her head, bemusement playing in her eyes. This was their best suspect? Seriously?

Having said everything she needed to, she pushed herself away from the table. But before leaving she stopped and leant down close to Mikey's ear.

"Oh, 'that Sara chick'" She crooned seductively. "That's my girlfriend. And trust me; you could steal the Airbus A380, it still couldn't top sex with her."

She walked out with a cocky grin and a sway in her hips, feeling the shocked gaze of both the police guard and the suspect on her.

Behind the glass Brass turned to Grissom

"Did I just hear that right?" He asked, his mouth agape. Grissom sent him an offhand look.

"Where have you been?" He asked nonchalantly.

Jim's blue eyes widened impossibly as Catherine graced them with her presence. She looked between the two men, settling on his shocked gaze.

"What?" She asked with a coy grin. "Honestly Jim, you call yourself a detective."

**~fin~**


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